How can I get over him?

[Guest]

I went out with this guy for a year and a half, when we were at school. Both came to St Andrews, but we broke up a couple of months ago.

We are still really really good friends, but I find myself still really attached to him.

He has moved on and has a new girlfriend now, but I can't. I have tried, and done the whole pulling random type thing, but I just find myself thinking about him constantly.

I know I am still in love with him, but I dont want to be. I want to move on.

Any suggestions on how I can do this?

[flarewearer]

fuck! i am in exactly the same boat (apart from now having graduated and being male), but I know exactly how you feel. But anyway i feel exactly the same to my ex as you do to yours so drop me an email (you can get the address off my profile) if you fancy a no-strings-attached chat or whatever. I could probably do with one too!

[hr]
* 9 out of 10 cannibals agree;
"vegetarians taste BETTER"

[B]

i met someone at st. andrews and although we didn't date as long as you and your ex did, it was/has been very difficult to get over.

and personally, what makes it even harder sometimes is when all the people around me just keep telling me "to get over him already, he's moved on so why don't you". i don't know but when i say i love someone i can't just flip a switch a move on to the next guy.

I don't know, sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to but don't think of it as a bad thing because everything happens for a reason.

plus, when you do meet someone, it won't necessarily help you forget so much as it will help you to move on.

i have since met an incredible person who loves me and makes me happy...it's still hard sometime and i have told the person that i am with how difficult it is sometimes but he understands and is helping me deal with it.

besides, sometimes it takes as much time to fall out of love as it does to fall in love.

good luck

[lauremw]

I know how you feel. I was in a really serious relationship a couple of years ago, and after it ended (it was not a mutual split, by the way) it was quite difficult to move on.
The way I see it is that yes, while it did hurt and it did suck and I was still quite attached to him, after a time it just came naturally to move on. And here's what did it. I realised I didn't have to stop loving him, it was just loving him in a different way. Moreso as a memory, of really good times and shared experiences. If you had a good relationship, I don't think you can just stop loving the other person, but you can change how you love them. And eventually you'll find yourself less attached.
Just enjoy life and take the good things that you can from the experience. Hope this helps, as cheesy as it may have sounded.



[hr]
~*~*~*~
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~ Anais Nin

[LonelyPilgrim]

Yeah, I'm in this boat, too.

Two and a half year relationship. Not exactly mutual. I said, "We could use a litle time apart" and she said "Yep, only make that a lot of time."

So yeah, I'm still in love with her... big time. We're trying the 'friends' thing, but I'm not too optimistic.

It's pretty hard and it has seemed like every breakup I've had is harder than the one before. I don't know if I'm finding better people that it's harder to let go of, or if this love thing really does burn you out after enough failed attempts.

At the end of the day though, we are each of us responsible for our own lives, and if you just try your best to improve yourself, and look after yourself, you'll feel better for it. Take up excercise, read good books, enjoy your friends. Keep busy, and let time do the rest, I guess.

Well, best of luck to you all.

[Mohawk]

ah, i'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but look on the bright side, theres plenty of us in that situation, (mysself included)

[vickiangeleyes]

Think we have all been there. Split with my serious live in boyfriend after 3 years. he cheated on me and was not a nice person at some points of the relationship----don't want to elaberate. I still miss him and love him in a different way but he has moved on and doesn't want to stay friends with me cause honestly I don't think he knows how to, but i am willing too.Even after everything that has happened if he really needed me i would be there for him. But some how I think contact has ended. Its a shame but life goes on. Uni is important if you want a good career and when you least expect it that special person will come. Think of the good and bad points of the relationship. If things were that good you would still be together. If you still need cheering up feel free to email me. vixy0303@aol.com

[womble chris]

just think how lucky you are not to be involved in a serious car crash, or lose a parent in a house fire, or be told you only have 3 months to live. these are issues, which if you were to be affected by, should be on your mind.
i say grow up and deal with it.

[flarewearer]

[s]womble chris wrote on 00:54, 6th Dec 2004:
just think how lucky you are not to be involved in a serious car crash, or lose a parent in a house fire, or be told you only have 3 months to live. these are issues, which if you were to be affected by, should be on your mind.
i say grow up and deal with it.


very diplomatic. believe me it can feel like your life is over and pointless at the end of a relationship.

[hr]
* 9 out of 10 cannibals agree;
"vegetarians taste BETTER"

[Mohawk]

agreed flarewearer, last time it happened i resorted to drink

[Chester the Snowcat]

Remembering good times will leave you upset so remember all the things he ever did to annoy you.

[Cain]

[s]Chester the Snowcat wrote on 11:02, 6th Dec 2004:
Remembering good times will leave you upset so remember all the things he ever did to annoy you.


if you're anything like me then you won't be able to be too angry at somebody who was there for all the good times.

You can't divide the two parts of yourself, the Love him/Hate him parts.

what you can do is realise that you do feel two different ways. That probably won't change, and there isn't a lot that you can do to stop it.

This might sound like I have all the answers, but really i'm still working things out for myself.

best of luck to all.

[hr]
I hold an element of surprise

[womble chris]

just work on being able to make yourself happy, get some passionate hobbies which you can do whenever (important) you want, which you do not associate with your ex.

just dont dwell and think about it too much, accept whats happened and move on, you cant move on unless you are moving on to another place. by staying in the same lifestyle patterns that will make it much harder to get over the ex. get a new hobby, a new passion, sitting in front of the tv wishing your esx was sitting next to you isnt going to help.

[Guest]

[s]womble chris wrote on 00:54, 6th Dec 2004:
just think how lucky you are not to be involved in a serious car crash, or lose a parent in a house fire, or be told you only have 3 months to live. these are issues, which if you were to be affected by, should be on your mind.
i say grow up and deal with it.




Yeh, my aunt just died in a seious car crash, my dad has 3 months to live (cancer), and my grans house just burnt down.

Dont you shouldnt go around saying things like that when you don't know anything about the person. How do you know whats happened to them?

[fran]

"just think how lucky you are not to be involved in a serious car crash, or lose a parent in a house fire, or be told you only have 3 months to live. these are issues, which if you were to be affected by, should be on your mind.
i say grow up and deal with it."

Ummm... I nearly don't have any contact with either of my parents anymore and totally wouldn't be thaaaat upset if they died in a house fire. Yes, that would be tragic, but nowhere near as tragic as losing a person that I really thought loved me- which definitely wouldn't be either of them. What if you don't think life is worth living without that guy or girl because they supported you in difficult times and now turned their backs on you and now your "life support" is gone?!! What if you would trade three months with them (because that would be a happy time at least) for a lifetime without them?! How do you start "dealing" with a life without love?
Partners breaking up with people is quite a common reason/trigger for suicide- so your statement that everyone should just be happy that they weren't told that they only had 3 months to live seems ironic.

[flarewearer]

Ive just given up the trying to remember the good times stay in touch thing and have decided that the best thing is to go somewhere else and start again. Somewhere that doesnt have bad memories... Edinburgh here we come!

[hr]..I am am the last of the famous, international playboys...