Parents don't accept my bisexuality

[anon]

I've never done a late night rant/whine on the sinner before but...well it seemed like time!

So background - i "came out" to my parents when i was 18, because after being aware of my interest in girls since i was 13/14 i started dating a girl, and i'm close to my family....i didn't want to have to lie about where i was, who i was hanging out with.

Mum was very upset...she mostly didn't understand being "bi" - a term I'd decided to describe my sexuality as because trying to figure it out one way or the other had become too difficult. She couldn't understand being sexually attracted to another woman, and begged me - if i liked both, couldn't i just go out with men?

Dad, and please don't misinterpret my parents as cold, i love them to pieces and they are anything but, but Dad said it was ok, but he didn't need to know about it or hear about it ever again.

Two years later, my mum believes it was a phase, me and dad never spoke of it again, and my aunt (who mum specifically requested must NEVER find out i dated a girl) sits across the table from me at dinner talking about how horrible it is when people are openly gay, "flaunting" their sexuality in clubs by kissing a partner in public. No one says a word against her and my parents don't look me in the eye for the rest of the meal...

i know it sounds subtle but it hurts. And it's difficult being back home. At uni i'm not an "out and out gay"....most people don't know and i don't feel the need to tell them unless it comes up. But when it does i don't worry, and i don't hide it, and I'm not ashamed to go out in gay/lezzi bars or lgbt trips/parties! I have to hide calenders with pride marches written on and desktop pictures of Lindsey Lohan! Mum's started to ask why i haven't been seeing anyone for a year....the truth is ive been dating women and i don't want to get in a fight about it, so i don't tell her anything.

Just....any advice? how would anyone else approach this? should i just leave it until i want to one-day have a lesbian-wedding and tell them when the invitation arrives?! Is it something i need to keep talking to them about? should i just be happy that they still love me and stop whining?!

[RobFett]

You might find it helpful to tell your parents about the organisations FFLAG and Parents Enquiry Scotland. LGBT Soc should still have some leaflets from them that we could give you to give to your parents. If not we can order some in.

Parents often change their attitudes when they meet others in the same situation.

It's worth a try. Once they know about FFLAG and PES it's probably best to let them contact them in their own time than force it on them.

If you want the leaflets then get in touch with Jen or myself.

Rob
LGBT Vice-President
lgbtsoc@

[anon]

thanks rob,

I don't think they'd go for it though....when i told them and told them i'd been meeting with a gay teacher from college for advice/support mum got mad that i was talking to "one of those....who thinks it's ok and will tell you it's fine" (she spent a while trying to find a homophobic councilor for me to talk to!)....i think she'd see organizations like that the same way....are there any groups like that run by homophobic people but supporting "the gays"? lol....i'll keep looking through their websites though.

thanksx

[lts2]

Hi - althought I'm straight I had a few friends go through this type of thing. The problem is, even if you don't talk about it with your parents and they assume it was just a phase, there will be a day where you might want to introduce a girlfriend and that may be too big a shock for them to realise that you were actually serious when you were a teenager.

My advice is to slowly hint to them that this is part of your life - don't hide the calendars etc. Don't shove it in their faces, but make them aware that it is still part of your life and its here to stay. There may be specific reasons why they are so against it, perhaps they are worried about never having grandchildren..?

You seem like you have your head in the right place and are trying your best not to take your parent's attitude to heart. They may get used to it, and accept it, in time but not if you continue to hide it from them.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

L