My mother (drinking while babysitting)

[choortick]

My parents are drinkers, and have been for quite some time. Not to go into the whole details of everything, my basic (and unprofessional) assessment is that they are borderline alcoholics. They drink everyday to some extent (I'd say probably at least 3-4 drinks per day, to up to a lot more on frequent occasions). Dh and I rarely drink... like a glass of wine here or there and maybe 3 drinks on rare special occasions.

So here's the problem. Last time my mom babysat ds (which was in July) I asked her upfront to please refrain from drinking while she was here babysitting. She responded weakly "I'll try"... an annoying enough response, but yet she respected our wishes. My rationale is that we would expect the same from any babysitter we hired, so I expected the same from her. Fair enough?

Last night we went to Dh's work Christmas party, and my parents babysat (at our house) and I thought we could give them the benefit of the doubt that they would realize that the same rules applied re: drinking. My mom came earlier, and then after we left my dad arrived. When my mom showed up we didn't see any evidence of her bringing alcohol with her. But when we came home, there was a bottle of wine in her bag (don't know how empty or full) and a beer cap in the garbage can.

So I'm really annoyed, that not only did they drink while they were here, it seems like they tried to hide it. I'm not sure what they drank wine out of, since there were no dirty wine glasses, and I'm thinking that maybe they washed them to make it look like they didn't drink anything??? This only makes me further mad. That they clearly remembered what I asked them previously, and went out of their way to try to hide it? Dh is livid and is at the point of telling them they are no longer welcome to see ds at all (which I think is extreme). How do I handle this? Am I out of line? On one hand I appreciate the free babysitting, but I think I have a right to expect babysitters not to drink right??

[desperateeconstudent]

Hey,

Sounds like you have a tough situation going on there! I think it is well within reason to ask anyone who is babysitting not to drink while doing it, but your parents obviously seem to have a problem with this. It seems pretty clear to me that your parents aren't going to change, which would be a lot to ask of anyone at a certain age, so I think you need to either accept the fact that they will drink whilst at yours, or not ask them to babysit again. Going as far as saying that they shouldn't be allowed to see the child I think is a bit extreme, but if drinking leaves your parents in a state where they are no longer suitable to be responsible for a child, then perhaps think about paying a babysitter next time as you can't put a pricetag on your child's safety. As for the lying, I think that's the worst part. It is awful when somebody agrees to something and then secretly doesn't do it, they should be man enough to either do as they say they would, or just say no when you asked them not to drink! And also, considering how you found out about them drinking the last time, who's to know that your mother didn't drink the first time round as well and you just didn't find out?

I hope this helps!!

[ceg]

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/