Just Friends

[frustrated]

What is the difference between liking someone as a good friend and liking someone romantically? What makes someone one and not the other?

[SchizophrenicCabbage]

If you want to shag them!

[Duggeh]

When you care for them instead of about them

[hr]

IMAGE:www.thismanwillkillyou.com/avatars/tb3-100.jpg
Duggeh: Master Of Ceremonies
-Welcome to The Sinner. Sorry about your thin skin.

[d_24]

Quoting Schizophreniccabbage from 16:52, 29th Apr 2008
If you want to shag them!

Can you like someone romantically without just wanting to shag them?

[hr]

Before Bauer...There Was House

[the Empress]

When you feel a pang in your chest when they're with someone else.

Actually one of my favourite books is about this, 'Romancing Mr Bridgerton' but Julia Quinn. It's funny, cute and kind of wrenching in places.

[Edit: hmm, you probably want to work this out *before* they're with someone else!]

Quoting frustrated from 00:43, 29th Apr 2008
What is the difference between liking someone as a good friend and liking someone romantically? What makes someone one and not the other?

[12giraffes]

Can you like someone romantically without just wanting to shag them?

[hr]

I think this is possibly the basis for romance.

[AliceChalliner]

Quoting d_24 from 17:41, 29th Apr 2008

Quoting Schizophreniccabbage from 16:52, 29th Apr 2008
If you want to shag them!

Can you like someone romantically without just wanting to shag them?

[hr]

Before Bauer...There Was House

I think you're assuming that wanting to shag them is a bad and shallow thing! it's not "just" wanting to shag them that makes it romance, i'd say it's the being close friends with them and then the added feature of wanting to jump their bones...if you "just" wanna shag them it's not romance it is....just a shag!

[Hennessy]

I've heard a lot of stuff about this supposed "friend zone" many a hapless man has landed up in without wanting to, or just be being a decent human being and not taking advantage, is the OP in that situation?

I'd say mutual attraction is the basis for romance, I wouldnt necessarily put it all down to sexual attraction. You can think of someone as beautiful and not want to instantly have sex with them.

But being friends is a good start, just so long as she doesnt consider you some sort of male eunuch, that horrible dead-end expression "just friends". If there is an attraction there you owe it to yourself to own up about it. If that's the end of the friendship then fine, game over, you lose, move on. Nothing you can do about that.

And "jumping their bones" is a rather odd expression. Brings necrophilia to mind somehow...

[hr]

"What happened to Spoon?"
"There is no Spoon"
Dog Soldiers

[Hennessy]

deleted due to DP

[frustrated]

Quoting Hennessy from 22:43, 16th May 2008
I've heard a lot of stuff about this supposed "friend zone" many a hapless man has landed up in without wanting to, or just be being a decent human being and not taking advantage, is the OP in that situation?

I'd say mutual attraction is the basis for romance, I wouldnt necessarily put it all down to sexual attraction. You can think of someone as beautiful and not want to instantly have sex with them.

But being friends is a good start, just so long as she doesnt consider you some sort of male eunuch, that horrible dead-end expression "just friends". If there is an attraction there you owe it to yourself to own up about it. If that's the end of the friendship then fine, game over, you lose, move on. Nothing you can do about that.

And "jumping their bones" is a rather odd expression. Brings necrophilia to mind somehow...

[hr]

"What happened to Spoon?"
"There is no Spoon"
Dog Soldiers

what makes you assume i am male? there is definitely sexual attraction on both sides (the relationship has gone past the "friend zone" as you call it for a while). the main problem as far as i can see it is that he is scared of messing up the friendship, which seems stupid to me at this point.

[AliceChalliner]

what makes you assume i am male? there is definitely sexual attraction on both sides (the relationship has gone past the "friend zone" as you call it for a while). the main problem as far as i can see it is that he is scared of messing up the friendship, which seems stupid to me at this point.

When you say he's said he doesn't want to "mess up the friendship"....obviously i don't know either of you, but at a guess, I'd say he values you as a friend but just doesn't want to take it any further....i always think that phrase is one of those which, when it's used in relation to taking a relationship further or not, is as a nice way of saying you just don't want to.

Unless of course he is just very very deep and meaningful and pensive....but i think if you like someone and want to be with them, you know it pretty soon after it comes up....

[the racing tortoise]

Most guys have been in the friend zone at some point in their life, and most eventually just accept that it is inescapable. Any effort to change that is just wasting your time, and possibly creeping the girl out a little. You don't have to be scared of messing up a friendship to decide thats not a good idea. I just wonder if he knows that he's not in the friend zone (remember he's a guy, and subtle stuff probably won't work).

[hr]

eternally optimistic - against all evidence

[rob 'f*ck off' wine boy]

Quoting the racing tortoise from 19:38, 21st May 2008
(remember he's a guy, and subtle stuff probably won't work).

[hr]

There is a glaringly massive difference between being 'subtle' and just being friendly. I know it's difficult, but isn't all down to the bloke; it's hard seperating 'subtlety' from friendliness, in so many cases they're practically identical.

My point being, your phraseology indicates that it's some kind of failing in men in general to not pick up on those graceful, deft little indicators women supposedly leave, when those indicators are so graceful and deft as to seem almost unintentional.

[Hennessy]

Wait, wait a second, I'm confused.

SO the OP is a girl, ok gotcha

OP has approached boy, boy and OP have taken it "past friendship", whatever that means.

Boy not responding to wink and nod routine, OP thinks it's because he doesnt want to mess up the friendship. Impasse is reached.

...so talk to him about it. You could win or you could lose, but isnt it better than the uncertainty that has driven you to start a thread on the sinner rather than sit down and express your feelings to this guy in a clear, concise manner (no need to resort to slow speech or raising your voice, we're guys not robots).

I find communicating with fellow human beings about problems usually leads to some kind of resolution, why is it that boys and girls can't do it without this kind of fretting?

[hr]

"What happened to Spoon?"
"There is no Spoon"
Dog Soldiers

[Pacitti]

Quoting AliceChalliner from 17:24, 21st May 2008

what makes you assume i am male? there is definitely sexual attraction on both sides (the relationship has gone past the "friend zone" as you call it for a while). the main problem as far as i can see it is that he is scared of messing up the friendship, which seems stupid to me at this point.

When you say he's said he doesn't want to "mess up the friendship"....obviously i don't know either of you, but at a guess, I'd say he values you as a friend but just doesn't want to take it any further....i always think that phrase is one of those which, when it's used in relation to taking a relationship further or not, is as a nice way of saying you just don't want to.

Unless of course he is just very very deep and meaningful and pensive....but i think if you like someone and want to be with them, you know it pretty soon after it comes up....

Just because he says he doesn't want to "mess up a friendship" doesn't mean he doesn't want to take things further. maybe he's just unsure of how "strongly" he feels and doesn't want to wreck a friendship for the sake of a few weeks/months as a couple. he could just be a really decent guy.

Quoting AliceChalliner from 17:24, 21st May 2008

what makes you assume i am male? there is definitely sexual attraction on both sides (the relationship has gone past the "friend zone" as you call it for a while). the main problem as far as i can see it is that he is scared of messing up the friendship, which seems stupid to me at this point.

When you say he's said he doesn't want to "mess up the friendship"....obviously i don't know either of you, but at a guess, I'd say he values you as a friend but just doesn't want to take it any further....i always think that phrase is one of those which, when it's used in relation to taking a relationship further or not, is as a nice way of saying you just don't want to.

Unless of course he is just very very deep and meaningful and pensive....but i think if you like someone and want to be with them, you know it pretty soon after it comes up....

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