Why are nice girls never available?

[ConspiracyTheorist]

Is it just me, or is every nice girl I meet as a single guy in St Andrews 'taken'?

I mean come on, I put myself out there enough... I'm third year, I'm told I'm pretty good looking and am 'very funny', but I just can't see anyone available.

I dream of the day I meet a genuinely lovely girl (i.e. one who isn't materialisitc show-off or a skank) and can maybe get to know her over a coffee or tea, or on a nice walk on the beach.

Am I mad for believing such occurrences are possible in St Andrews?

[Senethro]

(i.e. one who isn't materialisitc show-off or a skank)

lol

Edit: The lol indicates what I think his problem is.

Edit2: By which I mean, the problem with him is, not the problem with women.

Edit3: Short snappy humour is difficult to employ when you have to clarify it and qualify it to the point where you don't appear as misogynistic as the guy you were quoting.

[Ruru Hedgehog]

(i.e. one who isn't materialisitc show-off or a skank)

lol

Edit: The lol indicates what I think his problem is.

Edit2: By which I mean, the problem with him is, not the problem with women.

Edit3: Short snappy humour is difficult to employ when you have to clarify it and qualify it to the point where you don't appear as misogynistic as the guy you were quoting.

This could be quite aptly summarised by two words:
"Epic fail"

[Senethro]

no u

[ConspiracyTheorist]

Well, take this for example. Illustrates my point rather nicely.

The other day, while walking along Market St, I saw a girl I sort of knew from class waiting on a corner. Since I was walking slowly, and in no rush, I thought, "Hey, I'll go speak to her"... bad mistake. No sooner had I gotten over to her than she raised her cellphone to her ear (at this point she couldn't have known I was intending to speak to her) and spoke loudly in a harsh, affected voice (which I've never heard before from her)... she drawled something to the effect of her losing her "fucking Barbour wax jacket" and some "butt-ugly guys" (yes, plural) in whose room she was apparently in the prior evening had probably taken it in order to lure her back for "more". She said this with a grating cackle. And... I hadn't stopped to listen, I heard all of this within about 15 seconds of walking near her at a constant speed (it was so fucking loud).

Consider that: An apparently nice girl, who I liked (probably as well as many other guys) makes it known that she spent the night with several guys (whom I'm guessing she didn't tell she thought were ugly), is now being two-faced about the situation and felt the materialistic need to utter "Barbour" and "wax" instead of just "jacket" like the rest of us would.

So without making too many leaps of faith at all, I can conclude that that girl was a skank AND materialistic, as well as generally obnoxious. And I have heaps of such memories of St Andrews girls I expected to be nice... not least at the sports center. Please someone say I'm not the only one who feels let down?

[Fawksie]

...felt the materialistic need to utter "Barbour" and "wax" instead of just "jacket" like the rest of us would.

A Barbour jacket is a superior beast to your ordinary jacket. Mine is between 25 and 30 years old and last year I spent approximately half the price of a brand new one having it repaired and rewaxed. The older they are, the easier they are to wear and the lesser the chance of wax rubbing off the fabric at sharp creases. I would be thoroughly gutted if I lost it.

[Ruru Hedgehog]

So without making too many leaps of faith at all, I can conclude that that girl was a skank AND materialistic, as well as generally obnoxious. And I have heaps of such memories of St Andrews girls I expected to be nice... not least at the sports center. Please someone say I'm not the only one who feels let down?

[Hmm...]

Why didn't you post an email address? A nice single girl with similar views on the impossibility of meeting nice single boys might get in touch....

[starsandsparkles]

Is it just me, or is every nice girl I meet as a single guy in St Andrews 'taken'?

Maybe because you're not actually meeting the nice girls.

[ConspiracyTheorist]

That's a fair idea. Let's see what happens.... tenguitars@hotmail.com

[Zanbato]

I do agree to some extent, although people do seem to meet other people here.

I'm in my fourth year and have yet to have much success. It seems everyone you meet is either uninterested, or simply wants some nice attention without things progressing further. I don't mind people being friendly, but I often get irritated by people when they don't act like friends but insist thats what they are after- I have many friends and there has never been any confusion, yet I've met lots of people who act very differently from "friends" yet act shocked when you become interested in the possibility of something more.

Perhaps my angle is slightly different in that I don't see that many girls who are obnoxious in a blatant maner. I mean yes, they exist, but don't get too upset about it because they are not my thing, and there will always be people you find obnoxious etc.

I just get irritated when I know girls who always seem to ignore nice guys and go for the cocky "I'll cheat on you because I can always get someone else" type.

[Thalia]

I went out with a seemingly nice guy and it ended so badly that i now struggle to get into a serious relationship because i don't want to be hurt again - to the point where i'm kinda tempted to give up The girls i know would rather have a nice guy - but when guys define themselves as nice, what they sometimes mean is shy and quiet and not really putting themselves out there. Confidence is a huge benefit when it comes to finding a girl.

[Zanbato]

I went out with a seemingly nice guy and it ended so badly that i now struggle to get into a serious relationship because i don't want to be hurt again - to the point where i'm kinda tempted to give up The girls i know would rather have a nice guy - but when guys define themselves as nice, what they sometimes mean is shy and quiet and not really putting themselves out there. Confidence is a huge benefit when it comes to finding a girl.

Yeah, I admit thats probably a major reason. I'm not completely lacking in self confidence, but it takes me a little while to really get chatty with new people. It's also hard to be confident if you lack lots of successes to look back upon. In my case, I seem to be the perpetual "friend", so whilst not a total disaster, it's still not a great confidence boost.

It makes you wonder why girls dont go for the quiet type however...

[orudge]

It makes you wonder why girls dont go for the quiet type however...

Maybe the girls who go for the quiet type are themselves equally quiet...

[Thalia]

Well i don't go for the quiet types cos i'm not really that quiet myself and i tend to enjoy chatting to new people - i can't really speak for other girls but it might just simply be that the quiet ones aren't very good at making their interest known, and if they do, they've taken so long that they've fallen into being a friend. But i don't really see being a friend as a bad thing - my friends will be there through thick and thin, boyfriends come and go, and so going out with a friend can be a huge risk because good friends can be hard to come by.

[orudge]

The other thing, of course, is that being a "nice guy" isn't always seen as being a good thing. What women think of as "nice guys" can be different to what the guys themselves think. Some will see "nice guys" are being too needy and clingy and the like, which can be more offputting than anything else. The ever helpful Wikipedia notes:

In their qualitative analysis, Herold & Milhausen (1998) found that women associate different qualities with the "nice guy" label: "Some women offered flattering interpretations of the nice guy, characterizing him as committed, caring, and respectful of women. Some women, however, emphasized more negative aspects, considering the nice guy to be boring, lacking confidence, and unattractive."

So I guess it's not so much that women like to go out with guys who treat them badly and the like, but probably more that they don't find guys who are "too" nice attractive.

Of course, everyone is different, so what may be unattractive to one person may be attractive to another.

[Thalia]

'Nice' is such a bland word anyway. I look for someone with confidence and interesting enough that we can keep up a good conversation with each other when we're alone. I tend to assume that all the guys i meet are decent people, which is really what nice is intended to mean here, unless they do something to prove otherwise.

But i do agree - the ones who tend to proclaim themselves as nice guys often come across as needy, which isn't very attractive at all. So perhaps the different sexes are using the word to mean different things right enough.

[Zanbato]

Perhaps...I certainly don't associate nice with needy. The other funny thing is how sometimes people see friends are altogether seperate entities from romance. Sometimes they are, but in other cases it almost seems foolish to ignore people you know are decent.

I always thought "nice" was simply not cheating and treating people like crap...I'm certainly interesting enough (or am I? hahaha).

[Thalia]

well, i don't know if i'm the same as other girls, but, like i said, i tend to assume most guys i meet are decent people and wouldn't treat others like crap so really, it doesn't give you any advantage over the majority of the male population

And i've gone out with friends before - it tends to result in things ending and us not really talking to each other anymore. In some ways, i regret it because i think i would rather still have the friendship. It is kind of like a gamble and it could work out well but it could just as easily not.

[What?]

Why don't Thalia and Zanbato get together?