The 13th Guest

[Greebo]

Nabbed this off another forum, so am spamming it everywhere:
Okay, here are the rules.
You're holding a dinner party, and you have decided (for reasons best known to yourself) to hire a time machine and travel the whole of human history and geography, and bring back twelve figures from either past or present, from anywhere in the world, to attend your gathering.

Anyone. Anyone you wish, for whatever reasons. Feel free to tell us a little about why you invited whom you did.

And then there is the matter of....the Thirteenth Guest who must be taken from amongst those people you consider to be the most evil of all man's history. And tell us why you chose this person too, if you can.



MY LIST:

Charles Darwin - Father of evolutionary science, nuff said.
Albert Einstein - Another one of the greatest minds ever
Stephen Hawking - Great example of not letting a crippling condition stop one making a great contribution to the world
Stephen Fry - Author and comedian, one who I consider to be very very intelligent
Terry Pratchett - one of my favourite authors, never met him
Douglas Adams - again a favourite author, a life cut tragically short - maybe he could also finish Salmon of Doubt
Billy Connolly - best stand-up comedian ever IMHO
David Attenborough - made the natural world come straight into the home through his documentaries. He's been to the ends of the earth and back again showing us the weird and wonderful life of animals and plants
Michael Parkinson - Chatshow host, has been around and met just about everyone there is who's worth meeting
Freddie Mercury - Another life cut short, one of the greatest song writers
Graham Chapman - The missing python, would be great entertainment at the dinner table
Alice Cooper - Still rocking on, does the best shows ever

13th:Tomas de Torquemada - First Grand inquisitor of Spain. (would've been Genghis Khan but he'll probably have a busy dinner schedual as this thread progresses)

[Biitchboy]

1) Eddie Izzard. Self-explanatory really.
2) Shirley Manson. Cos she's cool and funny and entertaining.
3) George W. Bush- cos we could laugh and/or shout at him, and play little tricks on him, etc.
4) Jennifer Saunders (funny lady)
5) Skin (so interesting- a walking example of why you shouldn't judge by appearances)
6) Madonna (pre-Ritchie and pre-children, when she was still fun).
7) Cameron Diaz (dunno really. I think she would be fun)
8) Oscar Wilde (I need at least one intellectual so as not to appear shallow)
9) Brad Pitt. For decoration really.
10) Bjork (love her)
11) Brian Molko (said to leave a trail of blood spunk and alcohol whereever he goes... should be fun)
12) Ellen Degeneres (for a little insanity)

13) Satan.

I think that would make for a really fun evening. We might not have huge philosophical discussions or debates on current affairs but we'd have a hell of a good time.



[hr]"Everybody knows that boys are bitches"
Rachel Stamp.

[the weight of echoes]

1). November Tragic Robinson - a vocabularly of seven words, smokes tringular cigars.
2). Silent Brian - incessant blue jeans, invented fish.
3). Sophia Douglas - black toenailvarnish and the really quite spiritual connotations of ice cream.
4). Ross Hawkins - "Deconstruction is a poor man's destruction".
5). Michael Krastovonich - filthy eyeball of Herman Hesse.
6). Eric Cantona - the only good thing about the 1990s.
7). Bitesize Heaven - exquisite blender of situations in both practices.
8). The Boy - drips like tongue wax all over the lovely new tablecloth.
9). Simon The - nevertheless, a trying insect of lunar special. Or perhaps the year's lonliest cyclops.
10). A praying mantis - appearances can be descriptive.
11). King Barry Stroud - a plumber trapped inside a philosopher, furiously clapping within a meaty matchbox.
12). Martin Heidegger - the most abstract Nazi, never visited Greenland.

13). Whoever is actually to blame for the unexplained disappearance of most of the population of Greenland, sometime around the beginning of the 16th century.

[Saint Sal]

1) Gilbert de Clare, Earl of Gloucester - can help with dissertation
2) Ghengis Khan - bring along the harem for extra fun and games
3) Stephen Fry - amusement factor
4) Oscar Wilde - just to see what he and Stephen Fry would do if placed in the same room
5) Thor - a party god if there ever was one. Will bring mead in quaffable quantities
6) Alan Rickman - can sit there and look pretty. Upmarket table decoration
7) Chaucer - some bawdiness is always welcome, Specially by me
8) Elizabeth I - watch her outquaff the boys and flirt with #12
9) David Bowie - as pet toy to play with for...
10) The Girlfriend - would kill me if she wasn't invited and is actually quite nice *ducks*
11) Eddie Izzard - 'I like my women like I like my coffee...in a plastic cup' Has nice shoes too
12) Blackadder - but only series two Edmund with the earring, the beard and the boots *grins*

13) Male haute couture fashion designers. Have they got a hatred of women with bosoms? Have they got a hatred of women? Die, you bastards. Forcible intersion of baguettes into orifaces may occur eventually *shudders*

[hr]We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell

[Cloud]

1) Jeff Buckley (the greatest voice in the history of music. Its a shame he died so young)
2) Bjork (well, she is wonderful isnt she?)
3) Jack Kerouac (read On The Road and you'll want to talk to this fantastic author)
4) JRR Tolkien (just to ask if Sam from Lord Of The Rings really is gay)
5) Bill Hicks (best comedian ever)
6) Billy Connolly (second best comedian ever, better story teller than Hicks)
7) Ozzy Osbourne (the greatest story teller to ever have bitten a bat)
8) Stuart Murdoch (frontman of the band Belle & Sebastian, the most sensitive man you could ever meet. Great sense of humour too)
9) Bradley Knowell (frontman of the band Sublime, died of a heroin overdose)
10) Freddy Star (I dont really like the guy, I just want to know if he really did eat that hamster)
11) Trey Parker (creator of South Park, enough said)
12) Matt Stone (see above)



13) Geri Halliwell (the root of all evil, the person to be blamed for the disappearance of white dog poo and the annual shrinking of cadburys creme eggs)




Cloud

[Biitchboy]

13) Geri Halliwell (the root of all evil, the person to be blamed for the disappearance of white dog poo and the annual shrinking of cadburys creme eggs)


I'd be interested in your theories as to why Geri Halliwell is responsible for this...

[hr]
"Everybody knows that boys are bitches"
Rachel Stamp.

[Miss Maryland]

1) Sir Walter Scott- one of my favorite writers, would be fun to talk to
2) Graham Chapman- what Greebo said
3) Frederick Douglass- not only is he one of the greatest abolitionist figures in American history, he was also born about 12 miles away from my house, would provide interesting conversation
4) William Faulkner- great author and I’d like to see him sit next to Douglass
5) Mark Twain- to add some humor to the previous two’s conversation about the South
6) Otto von Bismark- I’d like to see him apply his excellent diplomacy to my dinner table
7) Billy Connolly
8) Eric Idle- I’ve met him and he’s a riot
9) Terry Jones (you can see I’m a big Python Fan): the “python I want to be when I grow up,” for his humorous approach to history
10) Peter Cook- one of the most skillful employers of sarcastic wit
11) Voltaire- for some political criticism
12) Karl Marx- would be interesting to see how he got on with Voltaire

13) The priest who is in charge of my parish (another Grand Inquisitor) or maybe Madonna (the singer, not Mary)

[Oli]

Is Geri Halliwell also responsible for the shrinking of Wagon Wheels and Kinder Eggs? (I remember when you could buy 4 Kinder eggs for a quid).

[Cloud]

Yes she is.

She is responsible for all that is unfortuneate and iritating.


Feel free to correct my spelling
Cloud

[Cloud]

It was also her idea to rename Opal Fruits "STARBURST"... really though, STARBURST?? What the hell is that supposed to be? Bah!

[Thackary]

Cheers Cloud.

"unfortunate"
"irritating"

[Cloud]

Thanks
Even the stupid spellcheck doesnt know what im trying to type sometimes

[Buzzboy]

Richard Feynman - One Fucking Clever Bloke
Gustav Mahler - Great Composer
The Duke of Wellington - Beat the French
Myself - because I wouldn't be there otherwise
Zack De La Rocha - RAGE RAGE RAGE!!!!!
Fidel Castro - Beards and Revolutions
Leonardo Da Vinci - Painting and writing backwards
Le Corbussier - Buildings
Stephen King - Best stories in the world
Ian McKellan - Gandalf and other great roles
Joan D'Arc - Crazy Visions and Bad haircuts
Sir Lancelot - Chivalry and Adultery

The 13th Guest,

Gaius Caligula - what a headfuck

[Guest]

Marx - Clever person, but wrong, and to see him argue with the next guest
Thatcher - No reason ever needed
Alexander the Great - Psychopath, violent drunk but probably got some good travel stories
Nathan Mayer Rothschild - Financial genius.
Cecil Rhodes - Genius, visionary but sadly also violent racist; might be interesting to see if he was sorry.
Gaius Julius Caesar - Where do you begin? Probably one the most interesting people in history.
Stalin - Well, why not?
Sir Keith Joseph - Might have an interesting take on the current political situation
Claude David - Brilliant painter
Rory Bremner - Funniest political satirist in the UK today.
Mark Thomas - Annoying leftie, but bloody funny.
Ronald Reagan - Great US president (anticipate some opposition on this one)



13th - Tony Blair - I know, I know, not really evil, but it would be interesting to see him talk to some political figures who actually had ideas they believed in.

[MrGreedy]

In no particular order
1) Dmitri Shaostakovich (preferably furnished with a piano) - once famously wrote a series of orchestral variations on a railway journey when someone suggested he rearrange "Tea for Two" to kill some time. Searing critiques of communism, which he told the regime were actually praising them - they fell for it.
2) Michael Moore - obviously someone else should be here instead, but they seem incapable of spotting the obvious flaws in the world so here's some guy in a ball cap.
3) Quentin Tarantino - in addition to his obvious talents, he's very widely read and knows more or less all there is to know about post-WW2 popular culture.
4) Nicolo Machiavelli - got a pretty bad rap in my opinion. Today the adjective Machiavellian is thrown around loosely whenever something underhand or shifty is described, often by people who know nothing of the man and his work. It would be interesting to hear him explain some of the academic confusion and debate on his ideas.
5) William Shakespeare - if nothing else, we could find out if he really did write everything that's attributed to him.
6) Sun Tzu - another prominent realist, he and Machiavelli would get on famously. Their views on American foreign policy might be illuminating too.
7) Bill Hicks - reasons cited my several other posts. Clever, funny, dead.
8) Jimi Hendrix and an amplifier - nuff sed.
9) Arsene Wenger - breaking the rule that anyone involved in football is a monosyllabic moron with a dictionary of cliches, he could give us a gallic breath of fresh air (garlic jokes aside).
10) Martin Scorsese - "I only wanted to be an ordinary parish priest"
11) Salvador Dali - wacky, yes, but also highly politicised by the civil war which ravaged his native Spain.
12) Karl Marx - can't believe I'd almost forgotten about him.

13) The 13th Guest - Rupert Murdoch (probably the 3rd most powerful man in Britain).

OMG I left out Van Gogh! Mind your elbows and make room for my idol people!

[NicC]

Probably Not The Definitive List:

1) Michael Palin - nicest Python, with added travel tales goodness.
2) Voltaire - okay, so he's in lots of lists already, but there's a damn good reason for that. Sharp wit, breadth of knowledge, and never afraid to say what he thinks.
3) Neil Gaiman - an astounding imagination.
4) Lady Murasaki Shikibu - brilliant writer and courtier from medieval Japan. Excellent with the off-the-cuff poetry.
5) Diana Rigg - for the style, dahhhling.
6) Christopher Lee - do I *need* a reason for this one?
7) Zahiruddin Muhammad Babur - another poet, and a conqueror, too (he founded the Mughal Empire in India, donchyaknow). Also known for throwing some of the greatest drinking parties ever.
8) Lorenzo de Medici - the original Renaissance Man. Urbane, cultured, witty, and interested in everything.
9) Tacitus - historian of Imperial Rome with a black sense of humour and a great turn of phrase.
10) Aleister Crowley - every party needs a showman.
11) Michael Stipe - well, he's a God.
12) Kate Bush - well, she's a Goddess (plus desperately nice).

13) Charles I - the stupidest man in history, bar none.


Nic