Boys at the Bop

[Guest]

Sorry, but this is a rant:

This has been bothering me for sometime. Why is it that boys in the bop are especially free with their hands? Maybe it is just me but I find that bop boys will act in ways that would never be considered appropriate even in night clubs. I will not accept the answer that they are "just drunk" or "boys will be boys" or any other such BS because sexual harassment (and that is what it is) is not acceptable even with those excuses in any other situation. They are also persistent and refuse to accept that the girl is not interested in their overt sexual advances. I have spoken to several of my female friends about this and they seem to all agree. Some have even gone as far as to tell me that they will not go to the bop unless completely surrounded by friends since they do not feel safe otherwise. Several of my male friends have seen such behaviour in other males and been appalled.

Can anyone explain to me why this is somehow okay? If you think I am being overly sensitive I would love to hear your opinion on the matter and your own experiences. Likewise, if you agree, I would like to know.

[Frank]

Never noticed it myself, though I'd be inclined to say that being a guy I'm less likely to notice. For my own part, I thought you meant that boys were simply dancing too wildly and clobbering folks with untamed and flailing arms. It strikes me that the situation you describe is somewhat worse than that which I imagined...

Anyhow, not noticed it. But I'd be quite appalled at seeing this sort of thing. If you're description is accurate, then I'd be quite appalled. This is the first I've ever heard of anything like this, though I've not really been bopping in a while, and my chums these days are heardly 'down with the kids'.

[Eiken]

It's not okay, at all. I feel I should point out that I'm a guy. But I'm not the sort to behave like this.

This is pure speculation, as I don't go to the bop that regularly, but to me it would seem that there are a number of boys who take the "go to the bop, get a shag" tagline a bit too seriously.
Even outwith the bop I've seen boys groping girls and apparently thinking it's perfectly acceptable behaviour. I work in a bar (not the union) and it seems to be a fairly common problem. I think some girls enjoy the attention but others, like yourself don't appreciate it which is perfectly understandable. If I was a girl, I can't imagine being pawed by drunken males would rate particularly highly.

It's sad that you don't feel comfortable in the bop. A firm "get off me you drunken pervert" should be enough to tell the boys to back off. Some, however, sadly think women are objects and just ignore this. I have no real suggestions of how to solve this except maybe mention to one of the doorstaff what's going on, 'cause it is tantamount to assault.

I hope it gets better for you.

[zipporah]

I haven't noticed especially horrific groping, but I don't go to the bop that often. Guys grabbing girls seems to be fairly standard at drunken dance type events. It also depends on the person; my best friend loves it when guys grab/dance with her because she likes the attention and being told (verbally or not) that she's pretty, whereas I don't want to be touched by random blokes at all. A bloke-free event would be fine with me.

What ruins my experience at the bop is the morons (usually guys a head taller than me) who jump around violently and knock into me/hit me in the face with their elbows/stamp on my feet/strip the skin off the back of my ankles. Apparently ignoring everyone around/behind you is acceptable as long as you're enjoying yourself.

[Ewan Husami]

If you see any form of unacceptable behaviour anywhere in the Union, tell a member of security staff. The Union takes a no-nonsense approach, as everyone in the building has the right to enjoy themselves without feeling threatened.

[the Empress]

I'm pretty surprised about this! Never had a problem in St Andrews really in 5 years of intermittantly bopping (although I'm gone this year so maybe there's been a huge change). I'm in Newcastle now, and *amazed* how (some, particularly older) guys think it's OK to pinch, chase, harass, grab, etc. I make it really clear that this isn't OK when I'm out (death glaring, yelling, preventative 'we're together sicko' measures), because *blegh*, I get so annoyed! Especially some guys who don't accept no, and keep bothering/staring at you (this has only happened once really but ended up having to leave the bar). I kindof miss the bop . . . . . I mean, the odd person chatting etc. is OK, but not grabbing.

[Abserdman]

There is a reason the Bop is called the Meat Market...

But, yes. I have seen this behaviour several times and been on the receiving end of it (even when I'm at work). I second whoever it was who said to tell the doorstaff. The doorstaff are very understanding and will, at the very least, give a warning to anyone you feel is behaving inappropriately.

[munchingfoo]

The doorstaff shouldn't do anything about it directly unless they themselves saw it. Innocent until proven guilty and all that.

Whilst telling the doorstaff is a good idea because it means they might keep an eye on the aledged offender, don't expect them to be kicked out on your word alone!

[Mr_Big_Dave]

The doorstaff shouldn't do anything about it directly unless they themselves saw it. Innocent until proven guilty and all that.

Whilst telling the doorstaff is a good idea because it means they might keep an eye on the aledged offender, don't expect them to be kicked out on your word alone!

Andy, I couldn't disagree more. Doorstaff should, at the very least have a word with the guy, and let him know someone has complained about his behaviour. More often than not people will only complain if they have good reason to.

Innocent until proven guilty really doesn't apply to these situations. It is extremely difficult for doorstaff to see what is going on in the middle of the dancefloor. Personally, the word of a distressed girl or two, is good enough for me to warrant taking some sort of action against the 'alledged' offender.

[Unreg Bob]

Perhaps 'boys' grab you and place hands where you didn't want them because this is the standard method to initiate some sort of relationship. It is extremely unlikely that a girl will make the first move in a nightclub/bop because it's common knowledge that the female is supposed to attract the male and the male has to impress the female. This is our culture.

Perhaps if girls would make moves on the guys they're interested in a bit more often the situation would be equalled. Guys would no longer have to chase after the girls (that quite often aren't interested in return) because they know they can wait until a female approaches them (which currently is extremely unlikely).

I blame your entire sex for causing such unpleasant groping.

[Al]

Perhaps 'boys' grab you and place hands where you didn't want them because this is the standard method to initiate some sort of relationship. It is extremely unlikely that a girl will make the first move in a nightclub/bop because it's common knowledge that the female is supposed to attract the male and the male has to impress the female. This is our culture.

Perhaps if girls would make moves on the guys they're interested in a bit more often the situation would be equalled. Guys would no longer have to chase after the girls (that quite often aren't interested in return) because they know they can wait until a female approaches them (which currently is extremely unlikely).

I blame your entire sex for causing such unpleasant groping.

I do hope that you're trying to be funny.

[Unreg Bob]

I do hope that you're trying to be funny.

I don't see what's funny about my post. I think it's pretty obvious groping is the result of the culture that has been created by ourselves in which girls want to be chased after to boost their reputation and guys just want a relationship.

[Al]

There's nothing funny about what you said. And that is why I wrote "trying to be funny". I thought perhaps that you were posting such utter rubbish in a vain attempt at humour. The fact that you were being serious is sad. And worrying.

[diamond_dan]

pfff sod any of that shite in the bop - i just wanna get pished

[Unreg Susie]

Perhaps 'boys' grab you and place hands where you didn't want them because this is the standard method to initiate some sort of relationship. It is extremely unlikely that a girl will make the first move in a nightclub/bop because it's common knowledge that the female is supposed to attract the male and the male has to impress the female. This is our culture.

Perhaps if girls would make moves on the guys they're interested in a bit more often the situation would be equalled. Guys would no longer have to chase after the girls (that quite often aren't interested in return) because they know they can wait until a female approaches them (which currently is extremely unlikely).

I blame your entire sex for causing such unpleasant groping.

If a boy needs to grab a girl inappropriately to initiate a "relationship" than i doubt it is a relationship he is after. i know plenty of girls who will happily make the first move if they are interested in the guy... maybe that is why you have so much trouble with my "entire sex". given your post, it doesn't shock me that you have problems getting girls.

i would go as far as to say guys like you are the problem here.

[James.C.]

pfff sod any of that shite in the bop - i just wanna get pished

Seconded!

[Mehmsy]

I've had my rear-end grabbed in the Bop a couple of times. Oh dear.

[James.C.]

thinking about it i have as well....

[Groper]

nothing wrong with a cheeky grope, lighten up

[Al]

nothing wrong with a cheeky grope, lighten up

Why didn't you put your real name on your post then?