Body language . . .

[the Empress]

Inspired by avoiding work and the Boys at the Bop thread . . . . .

I was trying to find a list of body language and flirting but couldn't find one, so here's my gross generalisation about misinterpretation. Apparently, playing with your own hair is a sign of interest and flirting. Recently (unfairly!) accused of flirting alot because of this, but when I do it I tend to be uncomfortable/awkward rather than 'I like you' (or just something to do with my hands, rather than wild gesturing). Eye contact is also supposed to be a strong indicator of liking, but often I/friend will avoid eye contact of someone we like because awkward/embaressed (socially retarded I *know*). Also, just read that holding your hands loosely clasped in front of you if you're a woman means 'hey, my womb is fertile'. Personally, I'd interpret that as 'I don't know what to do with my hands.'

So here's a thread dedicated to misinterpretation. What kind of gestures/body language do you have which has been misinterpreted? Especially related to accusations of flirting . . . . Or what do you think is a definate sign of flirting?

[Eiken]

I've heard that if someone keeps looking at your mouth then they allegedly like you.

But what if you have something caught in your teeth...?

[Fawksie]

I look at people's mouths when they're speaking all the time. I'm like my mother, she finds it difficult to follow what people are saying without lipreading them at the same time...

[Scout.]

I've heard that touching your own face and biting your lip mean that you are interested. — I have fringe. It tickles and gets in my eyes so I brush it away a lot. I also bite my lip because it is dry (it is also a bad habit when I am thinking), we live in Scotland; my lips are always dry.

I find that there isn't any body language that "always" means one thing or another, everyone is different. However, even the same person will use different body language depending on how they are feeling (insecure/bad day will be more closed while confident/good day will be more flirty"). There does not seem to be any working code.

[Eiken]

What's wrong with adopting the Joey strategy of looking someone up and down and saying "How you doin'?"

[Haunted]

Touching your nose when speaking means you are lying

[Hennessy]

Rubbish, I pinch the bridge of my nose all the time when I am thinking.

Body language, hmm isn't this heavily subjective on who you're speaking to? If I'm looking another man in the eyes when I am speaking to him I'm trying to convey sincerity and trust, when I'm doing that to a girl I fancy the rules have changed, I'm trying to find out whether she likes me enough for coffee later at hers

I don't think I do body language very well generally, I tend to hug people a lot when drunk, that doesnt mean I necessarily like them in that sense. Several times it seems to have been taken that way though, much to my horror and I suspect the amusement of others.

Seriously though, body language is to confusing to use it as all but the most general indicator, although I think it's true that girls use body language much more skillfully than men to convey a range of emotions, even if they're not aware they are doing it.

[Eagon]

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen.

[Duggeh]

I'm so clueless that a girl could probably get her norks out and rub them in my face and I'd be uncertain if she wanted another drink or was bored.

[Frank]

I'm so clueless that a girl could probably get her norks out and rub them in my face and I'd be uncertain if she wanted another drink or was bored.

I think I largely agree. The trouble is, I think, it's very easy to be getting away with serial confirmation bias. You remember the hits (yep, she was interested in me, she was playing with her hair) and forget all those times when someone plays with their hair and it has nothing to do with anything.

Randomised double-blinded controlled trials, it's the only way to know for sure!

That said, I did notice someone playing with their hair the other day.

Hold the phone?

What about when you're quite aware of what you're doing? When you're not just running on instinct, but quite conscious of stuff. Deliberately convey your thoughts by deploying body language? Avoid it, suppress 'em to not give away too much. Who'd have thought the various languages of love could be so complicated?

Ah well, here's to a rampantly fun week of misreading body language. Who's with me? Let's confuse this town!

[the Empress]

I don't think I do body language very well generally, I tend to hug people a lot when drunk, that doesnt mean I necessarily like them in that sense. Several times it seems to have been taken that way though, much to my horror and I suspect the amusement of others.

Ha, me too! I've gotten myself into a mess twice doing that. It stems from not wanting to seem robotic, cos I don't hug non-dogs in general . . . when I'm trying to express liking, I think it just comes out as a grimace. Or y'know, I don't not not like you. Or I accidently hit them. Or even worse, I think they're about to say 'I really like you', and what they actually say is 'I really like your friend. Oh my unrequited love . . .' yeah, blah, blah, *idiot*.

Dug, if someone rubs her breasts in your face they're either a hooker or they really really like you;)

[Duggeh]

Dug, if someone rubs her breasts in your face they're either a hooker or they really really like you;)

Indeed.

[Hennessy]

Ah well, here's to a rampantly fun week of misreading body language. Who's with me? Let's confuse this town!

I'm way ahead of you there Frank. Tonight at the bop I accidentally slapped a guy on the ass at the bar while gesturing to a group of friends. Embarassment ain't the word.

[Hennessy]

Wot! It's not 3.25am, why are my posts suddenly an hour in the future!?

[Fawksie]

Wot! It's not 3.25am, why are my posts suddenly an hour in the future!?

They're not, you just need to reset your clock in the User Control Panel. I can't force daylight saving changes across the whole site or things start to go pear shaped

[LonelyPilgrim]

Dug, if someone rubs her breasts in your face they're either a hooker or they really really like you;)

Indeed.

Not necessarily. I once had two girls rub their breasts in my face because they wanted me to settle an argument regarding who's were 'nicer'. Awkward moment, to say the least.

[LonelyPilgrim]

Regarding body language... you can't just look at one tell to determine what someone is thinking or feeling. It's an assortment of signs. Take attraction - wide pupils, eye contact in excess of 3 seconds, playing with hair, toes of one foot pointed at you, leaning toward you, mimic-ing your own body movements, etc etc - you look for most of these signs, not all of them. You also look for conflicting signs - eyes narrowed, frequently looking away for long periods of time (5+seconds), arms crossed in front, etc etc. Now, if someone is exhibiting all the attraction signs, but they also have their arms crossed in front of them... they are probably attracted, but maybe they are a bit insecure, or perhaps they just like crossing their arms in front of themselves. So, you look for the most likely interpretation of a collection of tells, not just focusing on one or two.

This sort of stuff can be learned, and some careers depend on learning it to a certain extent. Interrogators for example, or counselors, criminal profilers, diplomats, etc etc. Of course, it helps if you have a mind that is sort of already geared towards pattern recognition - hence people who are naturally gifted at 'reading' other people or the folks who really are good judges of character. Of course, such people tend to do all of this sub-consciously and couldn't really tell you how they do it if you asked them. Unless they've also studied it... *ahem*

[RedCelt69]

Of course, it helps if you have a mind that is sort of already geared towards pattern recognition - hence people who are naturally gifted at 'reading' other people or the folks who really are good judges of character. Of course, such people tend to do all of this sub-consciously and couldn't really tell you how they do it if you asked them. Unless they've also studied it... *ahem*

I realised (many moons ago now) that I have an almost supernatural ability at reading people. Seriously, my success rate is very close to 100%. I'd wear a cape and underpants over my tights (if I had tights... or a cape), but as superpowers go it has it's limitations.

Annoyingly, I am utterly hopeless at reading people when it is directed to me. I've met up with (female) friends from long-past acquaintances who confessed to being attracted to me at the time... and I totally missed it. Sitting watching other people, however, it's as blatant as a large neon sign hovering above their heads advertising their emotions to a 3rd party.

To lend credence to your claim, my brain works best with visual information / pattern recognition... and is hopeless with numbers.

[LonelyPilgrim]

RedCelt,

I'm the same way. I can watch a group of people and pretty accurately analyse their group dynamics, but when I'm talking with someone 1-on-1, I'm hopeless. I think it's because I'm good at visual pattern recognition so I judge everyone's reactions to form a complete whole picture, but when I'm part of the situation, there's a chunk missing, since I can't watch myself. The larger the group I'm part of is, the less inaccurate I am, though, which is why I only really suck at one on one stuff.

I too, have been plagued by women telling me they long ago had crushes on me that I was oblivious to. It's very annoying.

[starsandsparkles]

]

I realised (many moons ago now) that I have an almost supernatural ability at reading people. Seriously, my success rate is very close to 100%. I'd wear a cape and underpants over my tights (if I had tights... or a cape), but as superpowers go it has it's limitations.

Can I borrow you to read a situation for me? /angst

I think I'm often mis-interpreted as flirting with people, which is possibly related to the fact that often I flirt without realising it. I laugh and smile quite a lot, and I often lean into someone when talking to them. After a drink or two, I also tend to touch a person's arm when talking to them as well.

Stupidily I actually find it difficult to flirt with people I genuinely like.