The cat and the mother-in-law

[Wong]

A man goes on holiday for two weeks, leaving his brother in charge of the house, his pet cat Alex and his elderly mother-in-law. After a week away, he decides to phone home to see if he's all right.

"How's Alex?" he asks.

"He's dead," comes the reply.

Naturally, he's surprised, not just at the fact that his cat is dead but of the way that his brother told him. "Well, you could have broken it to me gently!"

"How?"

"You could have said 'He was playing with a ball on the roof, fell off and broke his leg, but I've taken him to the vet's and he says he's going to be all right', then the next day you could have phoned me and said that he couldn't walk any more, but he might still live, and then you could have told me that he just... passed away quietly in the night or something." He calms himself down, and adds, "So how's my mother-in-law?"

The brother thinks for a moment. "Well... she was playing with a ball on the roof..."

[hr]When you play with fire, you must anticipate some burns
Chasing for desire, it's just a different way to learn

[Ethan With]

A gentleman returned from a long holiday, and was greeted at the station by his driver.
"Good afternoon Sir - I hope you enjoyed your holiday"
"Yes thank you Jones, it was a much needed break. I trust everything has been running smoothly while I've been away?"
"Ah, well sir, there are a couple of things I ought to mention before we return to the house. Would you like the good news or the bad news?"

"I suppose I ought to start with the bad news"

The driver took a breath and began, "I'm afraid that your pet poodle Whiskey has died".
"Oh my goodnes - Poor whiskey! How on earth did it happen?"
"Well sir, I'm afraid she was trampled by your prize stallion as he bolted from the stable"
"Bolted? Why did the stallion bolt?"

"He was terrified by the fire in the stables sir"
"What's happened to the stables? How did they catch fire" the gentleman takes a seat.

"I believe the fire started when a spark from the main house blew across and landed in some hay sir".
"There was a fire at the house? How did that start?"

"We're not entirely sure sir, but it has been suggested that a candle fell from your wife's coffin and ignited the curtains"

"Good grief! You mean to tell me that my wife is dead?!" The gentleman starts sobbing

"I'm very sorry to tell you this in such a way sir, but don't forget that there is some good news"

"Please, please tell me the good news", the gentleman choked through his tears.

"Well in all the heat from the fire sir, the tomatoes are coming on a treat."