Could whoever broke into house 27 at 2AM this morning please return the property they stole.
Missing:
1 pair of false breasts
1 acoustic guitar
Now, as I am sure you are thinking, stealing fake breasts is funny, and yes, we don't really care about these however stealing an acoustic guitar is serious theft and the guitar belongs to a friend of someone staying here not a resident.
We appreciate this is freshers week and you were probably drunk so we will allow an amnesty period for the stolen items to be returned undamaged. Because of the value of the item stolen if it is not returned by the end of the week this matter will have to be taken up with the reception who will innevitably ask me to involve the police.
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I'd like to change the world but they won't give me the source code.