Limericks

[Biitchboy]

Understand that I'm very very bored, and need entertained (essays...)

Know any good limericks? Someone sent me this one:

There was a young lady named Jill.
Who shagged a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina in North Carolina
and one of her tits in Brazil

[hr]If I gave a shit, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~lgbtsoc
*This post does not necessarily reflect the views of the society*

[Chain Mailer]

Sorry the only one I've got is summit like:
There was a young woman from Eiling,
Who had a perculiar feeling
She lay on her back and opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

(I know its not accurate, it was in Bridget Jones Diary I think)



[hr]
Most definitly maybe

[rr12]

There was a young vampire called mable,
whose periods were always quite stable,
at every full moon she took out a spoon,
and drank herself under the table.

[Happy-Go-Lucky]

There was a young woman from Tottingham,
Who had no manners unless she'd forgotten 'em,
At tea with the vicars,she pulled down her knickers,
Because she complained she was hot in 'em.

There was a young footballer from Thyme,
Scored a goal for the very first time,
Although he was glad, his team-mates were sad,
He forgot to change ends at half-time.

There was a young lady from Tide,
Who ate a bad apple and died,
The apple fermented inside her lamented,
And made cider inside her inside.

When visiting the royalty,
Sat next to the Dutchess at tea,
Her rumblings abdominal, were total phenominal,
And everyone thought it was me.

[sparky]

here's random one i got sent.

I'm papering walls in the loo
And quite frankly i haven't got a clue
For the patterns all wrong
(or the paper's too long)
And i'm stuck to the toilet with glue.

[hr]there is no great genius without some touch of madness.
seneca

[Happy-Go-Lucky]

[s]sparky wrote on 22:56, 19th Apr 2004:[i]
here's random one i got sent.

I'm papering walls in the loo
And quite frankly i haven't got a clue
For the patterns all wrong
(or the paper's too long)
And i'm stuck to the toilet with glue.

The 2nd line has too many syllables. It should be something like:

"And frankly I ain't got a clue"

[Biitchboy]

[s]Happy-Go-Lucky wrote on 23:00, 19th Apr 2004:
The 2nd line has too many syllables. It should be something like:

"And frankly I ain't got a clue"


"And frankly I haven't a clue" would be better english.

Oh no, I've just made an anal grammar post! I feel awful.

[sly]

jack and jill went up a hill
to have a little fun
stupid jill forgot her pill
and now they have a son.

there once was a man from peru
who fell asleep in his canoe
he was dreaming of pussy
and took out his penis
and woke up with a hand full of goo

- put your foot on the rock -

both of these are song lyrics.
anybody know from which songs?

[morn_69]

There was a Young Man named MacNair
Who buggered his Wife on the Stair.
The bannister Broke...
...Without missing a Stroke
He Finished her off in Mid-Air.


[hr]A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Douglas Adams

[Tor]

there was a young man from japan,
who's lyrics never would span,
when told this was so - he replied 'yes i know...
but i always try to fit as many words in to the las't sentence as ever i possibly can!

you need to say the last line really quick for it to work..its a poem about a poem see..

[Blanche]

There was a young man from Devizes,
whose balls were of different sizes.
One was so small it was no ball at all
and the other won several prizes.

[Pender Native]

There was a young man from Bombay
Who constructed a cunt out of clay
The heat from his prick
turned it to brick
And chafed all his foreskin away.

[Bryn]

[s]Unregisted User Tor wrote on 01:01, 20th Apr 2004:
there was a young man from japan,
who's lyrics never would span,
when told this was so - he replied 'yes i know...
but i always try to fit as many words in to the las't sentence as ever i possibly can!

you need to say the last line really quick for it to work..its a poem about a poem see..

The full and correct version of that is this:

There once was a man from Japan
Who’s poetry never would scan
When asked why the thing
Didn’t go with the swing
He said well I like to fit as many words in the last line as I possibly can.

Another young man from China
Had a feeling for rhythm much finer
His poems all tend
To come to an end
Quite suddenly.

Your second line CAN'T have been right, as it didn't scan - I think it's only the last line that's supposed to sound wrong, because that's the joke. But there you go, things get muddled if passed around by word of mouth.

[hr]
Come and see "Baby with the Bathwater" - http://baby.tz4.com

[StrangeQuark]

There once was a man from Crew,
Whos limericks stopped at line two

[Tor]

i dont really think anyone else has a problem with my japan limerick...

i wasn't intending to be anal-y correct - i think my version is as worthy and unique as yours... so go to hell.

how you can have a 'correct' form of any limrick is beyond me... its like chinese whispers - the fact that mine has deviated somewhat is a mark of interest and devlopment - not error.

So erm, there we go...

[Gaybargee]

Bryn: 'Your second line CAN'T have been right, as it didn't scan - I think it's only the last line that's supposed to sound wrong, because that's the joke. But there you go, things get muddled if passed around by word of mouth.'

Remember when jokes used to be funny??

[oddly familiar]

There was a young man from venus,
who had a ginormous penis.
When asked why that was, he said " well because,
Its better than being the teeniest."

(Apologies for that last rhyme, it was all I could come up with on the spot)

Heres one I was told once that I rather like:

I Caesar, when I heard of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I right there laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions -
I saw, I conquered, I came.

PS
[s]Pender Native wrote on 12:13, 20th Apr 2004:
There was a young man from Bombay
Who constructed a cunt out of clay
The heat from his prick
turned it to brick
And chafed all his foreskin away.


*wince*

Thats nasty.

[hr]When she walks,
Oh the wind blows and the angels sing,
But she doesnt notice me

[Anon.]

A tiger with tastes anthropopagous
Felt a yearning within his oesophagus
He spied a fat Brahmin
And said, "Where's the harm in
"A peripatetic sarcophagus?"

and

The overwrought Bishop of Salisbury
Said, "Trousers? I simply can't balisbury!"
Said the Archishop (Canterbury),
"What a great elephanterbury!
"You're too halisbury-scalisbury to walisbury."

[Mr Comedy]

There was a young chap called Peter,
Whose beard was a striking new feature
When asked if he'd shave
He replied with a wave
"I would but Laurence thinks I look sweeter."

There was an American called Byrne
Who dress sense caused a concern
When his dress was discussed
We said in disgust
"Those Americans! When will they learn?"

There was a pedant called Joss
Bad dress made him get rather cross
But he thought it was strange
That opinion ranged
From "Sorry" to "I don't give a toss."

[hr]
Sorry to anyone I offended, I was struggling to get words that rhymed, and is not so much a comment upon character.
I did try to think of one regarding myself, but thankfully there are not many things that rhyme with 'Vinton'.

[Gaybargee]

[s]Mr Comedy wrote on 15:36, 20th Apr 2004:

[hr]
I did try to think of one regarding myself, but thankfully there are not many things that rhyme with 'Vinton'.


There once was a comic called Dave,
Who pulled all the girls at a rave,
They cried 'Mr Vinton',
You're just like Bill Clinton,
It not just cigars that you crave...