the worst jokes in the world

[legohead]

Ok, here is mine. see if you can beat its terribleness:

a fish is swimming along, happy go lucky, singing a fishy song to itself, when suddenly BAM! it slams into a wall and the fish shouts 'damn!'

bahboom tish

[franklyscallop]

'Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a Clam' still makes me laugh hysterically at times.

[hr]'And I just wanna beeeeee ALIVE'

[Tyler Fincher]

Here's a related triple whammy:

1. Bill and Ben in the pub. Bill goes "Flooba dooba dooba whooba dooba", to which Ben replies: "No I'll get these, you're drunk."

2. Bill and Ben in the bath. Bill goes "Flooba dooba dooba whooba dooba", and Ben says: "If that smells, I'll kill you."

3. Bill and Ben in the bed. Bill goes "Flooba dooba dooba whooba dooba", and Ben says: "Shut up and keep sucking."

I realise these are lost on you if you don't know of Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men. They are the only jokes I ever remember and been laughing at them since childhood.

[hr]IMAGE:www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~adgc/avatar.JPG

[legohead]

Two goldfish in a tank, one says 'd'you know how to drive this thing?'

[Cain]

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It drove down the road and turned into a field.

[grousefanatic]

What is the differnce between a duck?
Because one of its legs is both the same.

Why is a mouse when it spins?
Because the higher the fewer.


Two jokes that I read in a rather odd book once, one even spawned a book of poetry. They don't even have giggle factor or groan factor, just pure WTF factor.

If someone could please explain why they are considered jokes, I would be most grateful. And please no mention of subaltern routines, courtesy of SA1002. I think these so-called jokes are just plain weird!

[hr]veni vidi nates calce concidi - i came, i saw, i kicked ass

[Pinky but Perky]

heres some that i once told a friend and i got a severe look of disdain:

whats the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
45 minutes

whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
18 kilos

What's the difference between purple and pink?
The grip.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

and finally....

What is the Australian idea of 'safe' sex?
A padded headboard


[hr]
the knack is finding a grape that actually looks edible....damn you Tesco!

[Paranoid]

More in bad taste than crap joke this one but received it via a txt the day of the sudden death:

NEWS FLASH! 1/3 off all tickets for BEE GEES next UK tour!

And of course the one that keep cropping up every decade of so...

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts

[Sleigh]

Calculus and alcohol don't mix - so don't drink and derive.

Badoom - tish.

[hr]Math, my dear boy, is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.

[Wong]

http://wired.st-and.ac.uk/~wong/hit.wav

[Lindsay]

Two Elephants Fall of a Cliff

Boom Boom!

[Lenana]

Three elephants fall out of an aeroplane. Two fall on land, the other falls into the sea.

Boom Boom Tish!

[kermit]

What do you do if you see a blue frog?
A: Stop and cheer it up.

[Guest]

why did the girl fall off the swing?

she had no arms

[moonshine boy]

Scottish, English man and Irish man in a bar

Scottish man says " im worried about my son i was in his room aand i found a packet of cigarettes"

The english man replies " Do you think thats bad i was in my sons room and i found a bottle of whiskey"

The irish man eagerly interrupts " Thats nothing i was in my daughters room and i found a packet of condoms, and she doesnt even have a dick"

baboom tish

[Plette]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

FSH!

[Manic23]

[s]Paranoid wrote on 20:17, 26th May 2004:


NEWS FLASH! 1/3 off all tickets for BEE GEES next UK tour!





Of course they no longer play "Staying Alive", but compensate with a brand new remix of a classic song, provisionally titled "How deep is your bruv"

[munchingfoo]

Stolen from steve


Irishman Englishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, the barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

[hr]Management: The art of writing like you know what you're talking about and making others believe it.

(munchingfoo comprehensive dictionary)

My website:
http://aa.domaindlx.com/munchingfoo/

[moonshine boy]

you are what you eat

I must be a fucking cunt then

[Sleigh]

[s]Plette wrote on 12:10, 27th May 2004:
What do you call a fish with no eyes?

FSH!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

And there's another bit but I can't remember it...
[hr]
Math, my dear boy, is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.