raging guilt

[Guest]

You all probably don't want to hear about my problems, and I know I'll probably get labelled as a real shit, which is what I feel like, after saying this, but I'm hoping someone might be willing to point me in the right direction and give me the pep talk I really need.

So St Andrews is the land of drunken debauchery, and drunk people do stupid things. And I think you would rightfully hate me if I told you that I have already cheated on my boyfriend, who is at another uni. It was only one occasion, and nothing really major, but I know that he would be hurt if I told him, and would consider it cheating. He told me before we separated that he would forgive me, but I still feel awful, and I'm not sure whether I should tell him.
On the one hand, telling him would result in (worst case scenerio) us breaking up, him cheating on me in return, and/or him just being really sad and me feeling like a complete bitch (or him not caring at all, which is the saddest situation of all). But not telling him is potentially worse, as I am "living with a secret" you could say, and I am afraid it could turn into a pattern (after all, I've only been here a few weeks); in that case I would be a serial cheater who lied to him.
I love him so much, and I really don't want to lose him. I know I should have thought about it before this happened, but the only excuse I can give is my drunkenness.
Should I tell him or not; should I wait until I do something worse?

[tintin]

I think that I would tell him - if you didn't, it might only lead to strain in the relationship. Either way, there will be a bit of strain, but telling him is perhaps the best thing to do.

[November Rain]

Ditto. Honesty is usually the best policy.

[s]tintin wrote on 11:03, 13th Oct 2004:
I think that I would tell him - if you didn't, it might only lead to strain in the relationship. Either way, there will be a bit of strain, but telling him is perhaps the best thing to do.

[flossy]

Keep schtum! What he doesn't know can't hurt him and as long as you don't do it again, it shouldn't get back to him.

If you feel too guilty, come clean. It may be that the two of you need to re-evaluate your relationship and maybe see other people but still be "together".

Either way, DRINK LESS!

[Guest]

nothing really major? was I that bad?

[Guest]

shit happens, especially in St Andrews. Do not worry yourself. He is probably doing the same. Telling him will only make the situation worse, cause upset and lead to revenge.

[Guest]

take it as a learning experience, something that u wont do again!

[misserykah]

no offense... but being drunk is no excuse. i don't believe anyone can ever be so drunk that they do not know what they are doing... i think there might be something else that drove you to it. just a thought...

[spewie]

[s]misserykah wrote on 22:30, 14th Oct 2004:
no offense... but being drunk is no excuse. i don't believe anyone can ever be so drunk that they do not know what they are doing...


What planet are you from?! Have you ever been *really* drunk?

I recommend you go to the bop on a Friday and observe all the people that are so drunk that they 'do not know what they are doing'... and point and laugh. It might be beneficial to your understanding of why alcohol affects judgement.

I refer you to this page,

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0887.html

Yes, indeed. Blackouts, defined as periods of amnesia (memory loss), are caused when alcohol consumption levels prevent the formation of memories in the brain. These levels vary from person to person, and the time frame of these memory lapses is not always marked by visible altered states of consciousness. For example, you and your friends could go to a bar tonight, have some drinks, and talk about politics. But tomorrow, when your friends recall in detail the previous evening's discourse, you may not recall the actual conversation even though you were a full and competent participant. This point is important because blackouts are often confused with passing out, which does constitute a change in consciousness.

[Guest]

no offense... but being drunk is no excuse. i don't believe anyone can ever be so drunk that they do not know what they are doing... i think there is something else that drove you to it. just a thought...

[nas25]

Tell him ASAP. The longer you leave it the worse it'll be for him, let alone you. That way he can at least realise that you don't keep things from him. And don't feel too bad. These things happen - we just need to learn from our mistakes. Everyone's allowed to mess up once.

[Guest]

If you've done it chances are he has too.

If you are so easily led astray then you need to reconsider your relationship anyway. If he is one of those rare "good guys" then he'd be better off with someone who appreciates him and being free to find someone at his own uni that won't cheat on him.

He might be further away from you but he still has feelings and a right to have respect. Tell him and then accept what happens.

[rae]

Don't tell him. The cheating was the result of something in your relationship that's not right. If you are 100% happy and in love you don't even look at other guys, much less cheat. So figure out what the reason is and talk about that. I don't think you should tell him you cheated because then all the focus will be on that act and not on the problems. If you want to work this out, first find out why you cheated (drunk is not reason enough) and then decide what to do.