how are self harmers perceived by other people?

[Happy-Go-Lucky]

I hope this isn't too probing, but seeing as u are poting unregistered, I hope you'll feel ok answering. But may I ask, are you aware of anything you said, did or showed him like injuries that would have prompted him to make this suggestion. Perhaps if you think back about everything you talked about etc, you may be able to figure out what it was that triggered his worries, and if you realise that it may have been percieved worse than it really is, or you have an understandable explanation for it, then you can explain this misunderstanding to him when you see im again.

I also agree with Buffy, to explain that his suggestion has in fact caused more anxiety and distress than before, which surely is reason enough to find an alternative solution. Certainly, if you cannot think why things are any worse, surely suggests you aren't a real danger to yourself or anything.

However, in the end, if your doctor still believes it is the right thing to do, then I'd suggest you agree. Doctors do not suggest these things normally or lightly, so he must have some serious worries about you which he would not be making unless he was certain.

Let us know how it goes. And hope all goes well with you, one way or another.

[Guest]

Hey,

Sorry to hear things aren't going well for you at the moment. I spent some time in hospital when I was younger for similar things (in an adolescent unit though, which may be quite different to an adult psychiatric ward)and I was a voluntary patient. It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be although I am unsure as to how much it helped at the time (I'm doing great now tho). I don't think your doctor would have suggested it unless he was concerned about your current state. And your health is more important than exams...you can always take exams later. I can totally see where you're coming from with the whole parent thing. When my parents found out (from school) I hated it. Even now I can't stand discussing stuff with them. Maybe you have a friend or other family member you could speak to in confidence about this. I really hope you get things sorted out...

[Guest]

Quoting from 12:29, 26th Apr 2005
hi this is not really answering your question but I thought people looking at this thread might have some knowledge on what i am going to ask. i was at my doctors yesterday, I see him quite often for depression, self harm etc. and yesterday he seemed to think I was worse than usual and he suggested that I need to go into hospital as an inpatient for a while till things get better, he said i could defer my exams till september but i am totally freaking out, there is no way i am going into any psychiatric hospital, my parents would go mad to start with they dont know anything about any of my problems. Anyway my doctor wants to see me again tomorrow but I was just wondering if anyone knew anything about this area, he cant make me go into hospital can he? i dont know if I should just skip the appointment or what, I am so confused and tired, this has just made me feel even worse about everything!

Sorry to hear about your problems. It is important that you go and see your doctor at the appointment tomorrow. Unfortunately, if he believes that you may be a threat to yourself, yes he can 'make' you go to hospital- this is being 'sectioned' under the mental health act, designed to prevent people who the medical team see as being too ill to make the decision from doing themselves any harm. It would be more traumatic for you to be admitted to a hospital unit in this way than to go voluntarily. Your GP does have your best interests at heart, maybe you could discuss your feelngs with him? Try talking your options over with your friends too, they may be able to give you more perspective. Also now might be a good time to talk to your family about your problems- I know it's hard, but they will want to be there for you in a time like this, sweetie! If it makes it any easier, could you take a friend into the consultation with you tomorrow? Someone who could maybe help you outline all of your fears and concerns to your doctor, as it can be an intimidating situation. Don't forget that the people that you are dealing with want to help you get better. Hope this helps.

[Guest]

Forgot to add,

It would probably be a good idea to attend the appointment.

I think that usually two people (eg doctor and social worker) need to agree that a person needs to be sectioned. (In an emergency one would be enough). I think that you would only be sectioned as a last resort, if the doctor felt that you were in danger of commiting suicide, or you were unable to see that you were unwell, for example.

I know somebody who had an eating disorder who was told that if she didn't go in voluntarily then she would be sectioned. She went in voluntarily and complied with treatment. If this ever applies to you, definately go in voluntarily.

However, I disgress. It is way more likely that the doctor wants to see how you're doing and discuss things with you...

[Guest]

They'll find it pretty hard to section you. I know.Itook an OD, massively,and after they'd got the stuff out ofmy system and made sure my organs weren't screwed (a longish process with many machines and monitors and tests) they wanted to keep me in for psyciatrist stuff, but I was ok.i just signed out, everyone was annoyed,and they told me it was against advice, but they didn't stopme.They won't section you unless you're really ill.

[Guest]

[quote]Quoting Happy-Go-Lucky from 17:13, 26th Apr 2005
I hope this isn't too probing, but seeing as u are poting unregistered, I hope you'll feel ok answering. But may I ask, are you aware of anything you said, did or showed him like injuries that would have prompted him to make this suggestion. Perhaps if you think back about everything you talked about etc, you may be able to figure out what it was that triggered his worries, and if you realise that it may have been percieved worse than it really is, or you have an understandable explanation for it, then you can explain this misunderstanding to him when you see im again.

I also agree with Buffy, to explain that his suggestion has in fact caused more anxiety and distress than before, which surely is reason enough to find an alternative solution. Certainly, if you cannot think why things are any worse, surely suggests you aren't a real danger to yourself or anything.

However, in the end, if your doctor still believes it is the right thing to do, then I'd suggest you agree. Doctors do not suggest these things normally or lightly, so he must have some serious worries about you which he would not be making unless he was certain.

Let us know how it goes. And hope all goes well with you, one way or another.[/quo

I dont think i did anything or said anything that different from other times that i have seen him, i self harm and he knows that but i have never shown him any cuts or scars, he said I seemed very aggitated, withdrawn etc. im not sure if i am more so than usual perhaps i should just listen to what he has to say tomorrow, i am going to have a rational chat with him and properly explain what worries me, maybe i was being quite vague and distant on monday, who knows... Thank you very much for replying though i wasnt really sure that anyone would

[Guest]

I wouldnt risk what someone said above about them not sectioning you unless you are really ill. your perception of how ill you are is probably very different from theirs, I was in an adolescent inpatient psychiatric unit and tried to leave because I thought i was fine and ended up being sectioned for six months. Really wish I had just stayed now because being sectioned affects your whole life, you have to write it on everything and it doesnt look too good on job applications! Good luck

[Jazz]

What's the difference between 'self harm/injury' and 'self mutilation'? or are they both one and the same thing?

Thanks

[confused]

Quoting Jazz from 10:16, 27th Apr 2005
What's the difference between 'self harm/injury' and 'self mutilation'? or are they both one and the same thing?

Thanks

they are both the same, although i have personally always preferred to refer to it as self harm, really dont like it when people refer to my arms as being mutilated, which has happened when I was in hospital for something completly unrelated.

[novium]

Quoting Jazz from 10:16, 27th Apr 2005
What's the difference between 'self harm/injury' and 'self mutilation'? or are they both one and the same thing?

Thanks

I think the difference is that the purpose of self-mutilation is that the after-effects, the mutilation, is the point and with self-harm, the point is the pain. maybe. I don't know. That's what I would guess.

[hr]

Wipe your hand across your mouth, and laugh;
The worlds revolve like ancient women
Gathering fuel in vacant lots.

[Guest]

If you don't self harm, it's hard to understand - but if anyone is less than worrid about you they are bad, mean people.

[scarredred]

I saw this post and just wanted to say that I know what your going through. I have been self harming for about 4 years now and I don't hide mine anymore and some of mine are quite bad, but the reactions I've had from people differ. My friends are really supportive, they only want the best for me and are really good about it. Strangers have mixed replies, most are either supportive (usually people who talk to me are really good about it, and are usually self harmers themselves), or just ask what I did and even they tend to be pretty good about it. I can't say I've had any bad reactions to date.

Anyway, hope your ok.

x

[Jen]

hi does anyone who actually self harms know any ways to try and stop self harming as much (mine is getting bad at the moment and i really want to stop doing it as much) I have tried all the things such as squeezing ice cubes, pinging elastic bands and even drawing on my arms (all suggested by my male gp who although tries hard really doesnt understand)None of which have helped in the slighted. So any ideas would be much appreciated.

[nighteyes]

Quoting Jen from 16:44, 8th May 2005
hi does anyone who actually self harms know any ways to try and stop self harming as much (mine is getting bad at the moment and i really want to stop doing it as much) I have tried all the things such as squeezing ice cubes, pinging elastic bands and even drawing on my arms (all suggested by my male gp who although tries hard really doesnt understand)None of which have helped in the slighted. So any ideas would be much appreciated.

i found going on anti depresants, seeing a councellor and getting all of my sharps out of easy access has worked wonders. also when i get the urge i tend to go crash in a friends room and talk for hours to keep my mind off the cutting. the urge is still there but i fight it tooth and nail. i have tried to stop before, but i think you have to really want to stop before you will have the will power to pull it through. talking to ppl that understands what you go though helps too.
good luck

[hr]

i didnt say i was consistant, just right!

[Pender Native]

I've never self harmed but I think Nighteyes is right about really having to want to stop because the only person I know who has managed to give it up just got so pissed off at the couselling that student support were offering him he said 'fuckit I'll do it myself' and just stopped. Good luck.

[hr]

'I like to listen to a man who likes to talk. Whoops! Sawdust and Treacle, put that in your herring and smoke it!' - quote from the Bursar in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. Hope that clears up any confusion as to my personal tastes!

[maria]

i have never actually done cutting self-harm but used to go in for "self-harm lite" as it were, needles and slicing with my nails, i offer this only as a caveat that perhaps my experiences were not similar enough to yours to make my advice useful. however i definitely understand that feeling of release and why it does not feel wrong at all. anyway these are the things i used to do to try to calm myself down. some of them may sound strange but they worked for me.
1. spreading glue on your hand, letting it dry, and peeling it off.
2. pulling out eyebrow hairs
3. hold your breath for a long time, then make the cutting movement (but no cut) while you breathe out.
If you do serious cuts then perhaps the needle approach using a clean sewing needle, no drugs obviously, would be helpful. Using the point to draw on your arms or running it into the skin.
I eventually got myself sorted out and only feel the urge to self-harm very occasionally now. I wish you the very best of luck and hope this helps.

[Buffy]

Quoting dunqn from 11:36, 9th May 2005
First, my sympathies to everyone who goes through this. I know it can only be horrible.

Second, a question;

I've no idea why people self harm. I only know one person who does it, and not very well. So, what makes you feel the need to cut parts of your own body? It's not like bulemics - that is harmful, yeah, but it's definitely a control thing.

Actually, I've had both probs (self harm and bulemia) and I do think that they are quite related. Also, bulemia is not always about control -- for me, it wasn't. It was more that I'm an emotional eater, and would eat gobs to calm myself down or to temporarily make myself feel better, only to then freak out about how much I had eaten and purge . . . so the end result in both cases for me is quite similar: it's like a temporary way (in my case, maybe not all) to release stress mixed with a certain amount of self-hatred and low self esteem. I've had other docs as well tell me that they are quite similar, so I believe that I am not the only person who feels this way about it.

[S.]

Quoting dunqn from 11:36, 9th May 2005
First, my sympathies to everyone who goes through this. I know it can only be horrible.

Second, a question;

I've no idea why people self harm. I only know one person who does it, and not very well. So, what makes you feel the need to cut parts of your own body? It's not like bulemics - that is harmful, yeah, but it's definitely a control thing. I can't see this being the same. I've not read all the posts in this thread but i have skimmed over the majority and I can't see anything on the subject of "why". I guess it's because everyone with experience of the subject already knows. So could you enlighten me, because I just don't understand. (And i'm pretty sure it can be explained - "you'll never know unless you go through it yourself" won't do).

I have been cutting since I was 12, I am now 20 so as I have been cutting for 8 years I suppose I can answer this, however this is only from my perspective people do it for so many different reasons, anyhow, I cut because of what happened to me in the past which was pretty crap and i lived with it for years before i told anyone. The consequences were awful, from the age of 15 i was no longer allowed to live with any of my family, none of them believed what i had disclosed and they basically disowned me, I now have no contact with any of them. I spent time both in psychiatric in patient units and with foster parents all over the country before coming to university. Throughout this time I have self harmed. I guess I do it because it helps, i get really angry, frustrated, upset with things and i take it out on myself, i always have done, apparently as a child I never developed any real possitive coping mechanisms because of the environment I was brought up in. Self harm provides a release for these feelings and I have not discovered anything that comes close. I still have a lot of support from my gp and mental health services but none of them have been able to suggest anything that comes close to providing the same feelings self harm does for me. I want to make it clear that i am not proud of my self harm at all and keep my scars hidden as best i can.
Also outwardly noone would ever know about my past or self harm, out of the people I have meet here only one person, my boyfriend, nows what has happened in my life, none of my friends have any idea. I know someone who constantly talks about self harming like she is proud of it and it really pisses me off, but she has absolutely no idea what I do. Thought I would just add that to show that you never know who self harms.
Hope this helps, sorry for slight rant at the end.

[Guest]

Quoting dunqn from 11:36, 9th May 2005
First, my sympathies to everyone who goes through this. I know it can only be horrible.

Second, a question;

I've no idea why people self harm. I only know one person who does it, and not very well. So, what makes you feel the need to cut parts of your own body? It's not like bulemics - that is harmful, yeah, but it's definitely a control thing. I can't see this being the same. I've not read all the posts in this thread but i have skimmed over the majority and I can't see anything on the subject of "why". I guess it's because everyone with experience of the subject already knows. So could you enlighten me, because I just don't understand. (And i'm pretty sure it can be explained - "you'll never know unless you go through it yourself" won't do).

imho its a very difficult thing to explain. before you start s.i. u think that its something that you will never do. but once you start it is very difficult to stop.
its an outlet for me. when emotions are running very high and i dont have a way of expressing how i feel or i get really down - its like a preasure in my mind and the only way to release it is through the cutting. even punching walls and hurting my hands doesnt work the same. i have to see the blood. it sounds sick i know but its a well recognised coping mechanism. and the endorphin rush from the pain gives a momentary high that detracts from the pain that you are in. it is also a control thing. when stresses in your life get outwith your control, the one thing you are in control of is the knife and what you do to your self.
when it gets to the stage its almost an adiction and ur only means of coping its very frightning. you can get so used to doing it that it becomes easy to slip up and cut too deep. and the irrational cuts -esp wen drunk - that you can honestly say u have no idea why you did it other than the compulsion was too strong. those cuts can be really dangerous. cutting in certain places gives alot of pain when u walk and serves as a reminder.

this is all in personal experiance so naturally not every one is the same. sos for this post being so long

[Devilzchild]

I don't know about other people, since i'm more prone to suicide attempts than self harm - but on the times i've cut myself I've made sure i wear long sleeved t-shirts and jumpers.

I don't want people to see them, I know people that actually self harm because they think it's cool and it's what you do if your a goth or rocker or whatever - so they go about making it very obvious. That really pisses me off!!
Self harm is not something to be taken lightly!!

The guys saying u don't understand if u don't harm are right - which after a very bad night last night - i'm paranoid about my bf getting back later

If you haven't started - then don't!!! Get help - in my experience student support have been a waste of space and time - but my doctor was really helpful - also depression help groups actually do help because the peeps there actually understand what your going through.

Can i ask..? Is it just me or does St Andrews have an unusuall high level of depression and self harm??