how are self harmers perceived by other people?

[cannot cope]

how are people, who self harm themselves, perceived? if you see someone wearing, say, a t-shirt and notice the cuts on his arms, what would you be thinking of that person? (assuming of course that it's clear that his facial and bodily expression is anything but cheerful) i need some opinions because i am urged to self harm myself because i just myself and my life to the point where i just have to get it out, and am worried at how i might be treated around here. help.

[kezziecats]

Obviously peoples reactions towards self harm vary, there are those that are going to understand why you do it if they or someone close has been through the same thing. But just because they understand it doens't mean that they won't try to talk you out of it. On the other hand some people will be very judgemental if they find out what you are doing. The best thing to do if you come across people like this is to ignore them as best you can - easier said than done I know.
Basically you can't predict how people will react, personally if I realise that someone self harms whether I know them or not I make sure that I don't judge them as several of my friends are in the same position.
I hope that everything works out for you, and don't forget that there are people out there that you can go to.

[hr]

[hr]http://journals.aol.co.uk/kezziecats/KezsSecretPlace/ [/i]

[novium]

I wouldn't have any particular reaction, unless I knew them, in which case I would worry about them- that something could be making them hurt that much inside.

Quoting cannot cope from 18:10, 21st Apr 2005
how are people, who self harm themselves, perceived? if you see someone wearing, say, a t-shirt and notice the cuts on his arms, what would you be thinking of that person? (assuming of course that it's clear that his facial and bodily expression is anything but cheerful) i need some opinions because i am urged to self harm myself because i just myself and my life to the point where i just have to get it out, and am worried at how i might be treated around here. help.

[hr]

I'll read to you here, save your eyes
you'll need them, your boat is at sea;
your anchor is up, you've been swept away & the greatest of teachers won't hesitate to leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate

[Rufus]

I think most people would want to help you in any way that they could. Whether that be through listening, talking, or just being there for you.

I hope you find help in the easiest way that you can utilise it and soon. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be to stop. Don't ever think that you're on your own. There are people on this earth specifically to help you, be it doctors, friends or family.

You probably feel very alone right now, but there are people who have been through similar private hells and have come out the other side and perhaps it would ameliorate your unhappiness to talk to them.

I'm sorry for wittering away but I just wanted to tell you that it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Don't be scared of going to your doctor or even to student support, half the battle is finding help.

I do hope you solve this. All the best.

[hr]

'Do you remember how long the days were when you were a child?'

[L]

Hi, I just wanted to say that you are doing great to be able to look at this in the way that you are. I have some experience of the problem and the most upsetting thing is seeing the reaction of friends and family, as most people cannot understand that it helps you through things. So just try to abstain for your loved ones at least. Also try speaking to a doctor about your depression- s/he won't expect any scars as 'proof' of a problem, and will be able to help you deal with your problems, medical or otherwise. Hope this helps and thinking of you.

[flarewearer]

Quoting cannot cope from 18:10, 21st Apr 2005
how are people, who self harm themselves, perceived? if you see someone wearing, say, a t-shirt and notice the cuts on his arms, what would you be thinking of that person? (assuming of course that it's clear that his facial and bodily expression is anything but cheerful) i need some opinions because i am urged to self harm myself because i just myself and my life to the point where i just have to get it out, and am worried at how i might be treated around here. help.

I don't think that people who don't harm can understand harmers really. If i saw someone with cuts on their arms i'd probably be a bit worried for them but I wouldn't mention it as it would obviously be a sensitive subject. You shouldnt harm yourself even if you feel that way, there are lots of people and organisations you can turn to; try SSS or nightline, they are wonderful people and can point you in the right direction for help.

[hr]

[s]It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas and half a pack of cigarettes. It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it.[/s]
http://www.magnificentoctopus.com/

[tintin]

I wouldn't say anything although I would obviously be worried for them. I know why they feel the need to do it, but I think as with all things like this if one doesn't know the person it isn't entirely any of their business - the self-harmer has to seek help themselves and not be told to by someone else. However if their [close] friends saw it I would hope they might be able to broach the subject tactfully and provide the support required - though it is a difficult thing to do.

Any help that is sought would be offered impartially - that is the job of the medical services / mental health services - they will not judge or condemn you.

[hr]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/mat_salleh

[Guest]

I have self harmed since i was 12, i am now 21, I have scars mainly on my arms and legs however I do keep them hidden as best I can, this limits what you can do and wear, for example, all my friends are going to the may ball this year but I am not because how do you wear a ball gown when your arms are such a mess. I have been involved with mental health services since I was 15 and I still have not managed to stop, in my opinion self harm can and has become the only way I know to help myself feel better, however if I could turn back the clock i would like to think i would try to seek help for my problems before turning to self harm and would really urge you to, selfharm is so so difficult to stop when started. Jonathan nixon and gilly thomson both in the tait practice is really good with issues like this so I would strongly urgeyou to go and speak to one of them, also dr scott in the other practice is good although I heard somewhere he has left.

[Buffy]

perceived? not well

I got forced out of my flat in April last year bc of it. yes, I had a lease, but they did it anyway. grr.

[ARTooD2]

I've been doing it on and off since i was about 14...I only do it on my legs and upper arms though so it is easier to hide...saying that...my friends (well some of them anyways) have been supportive and shite....still hasn't achieved they're aim of making me stop but meh....I wouldn't judge you at all...its your choice and if you feel thats a release then thats fine with me...

[hr]

'What did you say, my boy? It's all over? That's what you said... but it isn't at all. It's far from being all over...'

[nighteyes]

Quoting Buffy from 19:11, 23rd Apr 2005
perceived? not well

I got forced out of my flat in April last year bc of it. yes, I had a lease, but they did it anyway. grr.

WTF! how did they get away with that one.
personally have been self harming since i was 11 and everyone i know in st andrews is really supportive.


[hr]

i didnt say i was consistant, just right!

[johness]

To be totally honest, it scares me. I feel sick with worry about one of my friends who I know does it. He doesn't just do it for the so called 'release' as he sometimes parades it, and they're not petty scratches. On one hand I feel so SO angry, how can he do that to himself? Friends are supportive but if you REALLY didn't want attention for the cuts- you wouldn't get them, you'd do it in places you could always hide.
Cutting makes me feel sorry for the person, mad at them but ultimately, try to help them understand them better and come to a less destructive soultion.

[hr]

[s]viva la bam and Ryan Dunn, but not Don Vito, he gets no love.[/s]

[Buffy]

I lived with a bunch of bitches who basically said that they wouldn't have me in the house, and would make my life even more miserable if i didn't leave. The landlord even called my mother and told her I had to leave, but as it wasn't in writing, there was nothing we could do about it. She denied it later of course. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Buffy]

oh, and I should say that they found out by going into my own personal bedroom and bathroom. which they then proceded to photograph. nice eh?

[Guest]

I have self harmed for years, it is really not something that I am proud of and would really urge you to get help, if you are considering starting to self harm then you still have time to get help before you do, trust me self harm has only brought me more problems and issues and it will for you too in the long run, it may seem like a good solution at the moment but you will regret it at some point, I do but am finding it incredibly difficult to stop even though I have the support of a cpn and my gp, please get help before resorting to self harm, does noone else who self harms agree with me?

[ARTooD2]

Totally...but even with the drugs and counselling and the suppot from my GP, its still something i do from time to time... :-/

[hr]

'What did you say, my boy? It's all over? That's what you said... but it isn't at all. It's far from being all over...'

[johness]

Quoting Buffy from 17:34, 24th Apr 2005
oh, and I should say that they found out by going into my own personal bedroom and bathroom. which they then proceded to photograph. nice eh?

fucking hell, that's pretty dreadful. How dare they do that. They'll get their cummupance, karma dictates what goes around, comes around. I'm sad that people let you down like that.

[hr]

[s]viva la bam and Ryan Dunn, but not Don Vito, he gets no love.[/s]

[Nymphomanic]

One of my friends does it with CDs. We talked about it, and she was like, 'I did this one with Greenday, I did this one with Greatest hits of 2000'. It really weirded me out. I love her to pieces, but I went away scared

[Guest]

hi this is not really answering your question but I thought people looking at this thread might have some knowledge on what i am going to ask. i was at my doctors yesterday, I see him quite often for depression, self harm etc. and yesterday he seemed to think I was worse than usual and he suggested that I need to go into hospital as an inpatient for a while till things get better, he said i could defer my exams till september but i am totally freaking out, there is no way i am going into any psychiatric hospital, my parents would go mad to start with they dont know anything about any of my problems. Anyway my doctor wants to see me again tomorrow but I was just wondering if anyone knew anything about this area, he cant make me go into hospital can he? i dont know if I should just skip the appointment or what, I am so confused and tired, this has just made me feel even worse about everything!

[Buffy]

no, don't skip the appt.

I'm not necessarily saying that you should go to hospital, but you wouldn't necessarily have to contact your parents about it. Even a few days might just give you a 'break' from anything in your surroundings that might be making things worse, and it might give you a chance to relax.

anyway, I'm reasonably certain that if you are not oozing blood when you see him and you remain sensible around him, he cannot force you to go against your will.

also, tell him (if you haven't) what you just said here -- that the idea of going into hospital is stressing you out even more and that your parents dont know. Perhaps you will be able to work out an alternative situation, like even a couple nights in a B&B or something that might help you relax and destress a bit.