how are self harmers perceived by other people?

[Pender Native]

Are there any depression help groups in St Andrews? I was told there wasn't.

[hr]

'I like to listen to a man who likes to talk. Whoops! Sawdust and Treacle, put that in your herring and smoke it!' - quote from the Bursar in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. Hope that clears up any confusion as to my personal tastes!

[Pender Native]

Are there any depression help groups in St Andrews? I was told there wasn\'t.

[hr]

'I like to listen to a man who likes to talk. Whoops! Sawdust and Treacle, put that in your herring and smoke it!' - quote from the Bursar in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. Hope that clears up any confusion as to my personal tastes!

[hr]

'I like to listen to a man who likes to talk. Whoops! Sawdust and Treacle, put that in your herring and smoke it!' - quote from the Bursar in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. Hope that clears up any confusion as to my personal tastes!

[Cathy]

Quoting from 15:54, 9th May 2005

Quoting dunqn from 11:36, 9th May 2005
you can get so used to doing it that it becomes easy to slip up and cut too deep. and the irrational cuts -esp wen drunk - that you can honestly say u have no idea why you did it other than the compulsion was too strong. those cuts can be really dangerous. cutting in certain places gives alot of pain when u walk and serves as a reminder.

That's pretty much how I came to accidentally almost kill myself. Main/advice/16303

I actaully was/am never much of a self harmer. In fact, I'm not really a self harmer at all. I think I've done it, like twice and thee were years in between, it just didn't do anythig for me. But in times when I have been extremely upset and stressed I would/have found myself in a mood where I feel the urge to try it again. However, what I have taken up instead is bulemia. That is the self-destructive self-inflicted pain that I inflict on myself instead of cutting myself. The was that I try to explain it, is that it's like if you are really stressed/upset or whatever, you really need to scream, or break something or trash your room. You feel like you need to just explode the energy in smething destructive, the only difference is that instead of breaking inanimate objects, you break yourself. If I'm very upset or stressed, I just feel like I need to do something horrible to myself. I know it sounds weird, but that's just how it feels. So I make myself sick. And the more I am able to throw up in a session, the more satisfied I feel afterwards, like a poison that's in me as been removed. Thankfully, I seem to be in control of it now, and only need to throw up if I've eaten/drunk too much, or something really really awful has happened.

As for cutting, I always felt more like it was a game of chicken. I would almost feel like I was daring myself to try to press harder, or swipe faster. I'd get frustrated that I was so weak and scared not to do more damage. That's why I really never need it and took to throwing up. But recently I found that I needed to somehow hurt myself badly, not because i wanted the pain or to die, but because I felt like I needed help, and would need to do something drastic to get it. This was particularly dangerous when I got drunk and would suddenly think it was a good idea to have a go for a swim in the sea or something. Thankfully, most of the time I wasn't in a position to do so, or was too drunk to actually do anything. I was getting more drunk more oftend as I found I enjoyed the loss of inhibitions and cares. Unfortunately, this eventually led to me getting so paralytic one night, and my memory blacks out for most of it and I only came too when I was standing in the kitchen holding a big carving knife with many bloody scratches on my wrists and a few deep cuts which were dripping blood and there was blood all over the floor, table and my clothes. I still don't remember anything about it and have no idea why I did it. I insantlregretted doing it, and have been terribly regretful ever since.

Oddly enough, it seemed to "fix" me though. I suddenly realised that I was totally out of control and gave myself a good talking to and forced myself to get on with life and work and not mope about all the time making myself feel worse. Since the incident, I have not touched alcohol, and don't intend to for a very long time. I've rediscovered that I can have just a good a night, in fact, better without alcohol, and I am making myself approach life with a more optimistic attitude. I just wish I could have realised all this before I made such a mess of my wrists which were painful, and look awful and I keep having to hide them and am terrified my Mum will suss how I really got them (I didn't just "trip" and hit my arms off a metal railing). I can only pray that that doesn't happen and that the scars fade asap.

Hope that explains a few things for the people who are trying to understand it. Though I am not really a self-harmer, I think the principles are the same.

[Guest]

Quoting Devilzchild from 13:36, 10th May 2005
I don't know about other people, since i'm more prone to suicide attempts than self harm - but on the times i've cut myself I've made sure i wear long sleeved t-shirts and jumpers.

I don't want people to see them, I know people that actually self harm because they think it's cool and it's what you do if your a goth or rocker or whatever - so they go about making it very obvious. That really pisses me off!!
Self harm is not something to be taken lightly!!

The guys saying u don't understand if u don't harm are right - which after a very bad night last night - i'm paranoid about my bf getting back later

If you haven't started - then don't!!! Get help - in my experience student support have been a waste of space and time - but my doctor was really helpful - also depression help groups actually do help because the peeps there actually understand what your going through.

Can i ask..? Is it just me or does St Andrews have an unusuall high level of depression and self harm??

I am totally with you on that one, st andrews really does seem to have an unusually high number of people who self harm and are depressed. may I just ask which doctor do you see?

[nighteyes]

imho its a very difficult thing to explain. before you start s.i. u think that its something that you will never do. but once you start it is very difficult to stop.
its an outlet for me. when emotions are running very high and i dont have a way of expressing how i feel or i get really down - its like a preasure in my mind and the only way to release it is through the cutting. even punching walls and hurting my hands doesnt work the same. i have to see the blood. it sounds sick i know but its a well recognised coping mechanism. and the endorphin rush from the pain gives a momentary high that detracts from the pain that you are in. it is also a control thing. when stresses in your life get outwith your control, the one thing you are in control of is the knife and what you do to your self.
when it gets to the stage its almost an adiction and ur only means of coping its very frightning. you can get so used to doing it that it becomes easy to slip up and cut too deep. and the irrational cuts -esp wen drunk - that you can honestly say u have no idea why you did it other than the compulsion was too strong. those cuts can be really dangerous. cutting in certain places gives alot of pain when u walk and serves as a reminder.

this is all in personal experiance so naturally not every one is the same. sos for this post being so long[/quote]

forgot to log in when i tyoed this. and in response to devilzchild i was told other wise by a councellor but it does seem like there is a horrible number of ppl in st andrews who turn to depression and s.i, although i have had it since i was at least 11 and am now only just getting better. i have a long history of s.i and two attempts at suicide in this time. but as those close to me will attest, since i have been on anti depressants i have improved immensly.

[hr]

i didnt say i was consistant, just right!

[nighteyes]

imho its a very difficult thing to explain. before you start s.i. u think that its something that you will never do. but once you start it is very difficult to stop.
its an outlet for me. when emotions are running very high and i dont have a way of expressing how i feel or i get really down - its like a preasure in my mind and the only way to release it is through the cutting. even punching walls and hurting my hands doesnt work the same. i have to see the blood. it sounds sick i know but its a well recognised coping mechanism. and the endorphin rush from the pain gives a momentary high that detracts from the pain that you are in. it is also a control thing. when stresses in your life get outwith your control, the one thing you are in control of is the knife and what you do to your self.
when it gets to the stage its almost an adiction and ur only means of coping its very frightning. you can get so used to doing it that it becomes easy to slip up and cut too deep. and the irrational cuts -esp wen drunk - that you can honestly say u have no idea why you did it other than the compulsion was too strong. those cuts can be really dangerous. cutting in certain places gives alot of pain when u walk and serves as a reminder.

this is all in personal experiance so naturally not every one is the same. sos for this post being so long[/quote]

forgot to log in when i tyoed this. and in response to devilzchild i was told other wise by a councellor but it does seem like there is a horrible number of ppl in st andrews who turn to depression and s.i, although i have had it since i was at least 11 and am now only just getting better. i have a long history of s.i and two attempts at suicide in this time. but as those close to me will attest, since i have been on anti depressants i have improved immensly.

[hr]

i didnt say i was consistant, just right!

[hr]

i didnt say i was consistant, just right!

[nighteyes]

imho its a very difficult thing to explain. before you start s.i. u think that its something that you will never do. but once you start it is very difficult to stop.
its an outlet for me. when emotions are running very high and i dont have a way of expressing how i feel or i get really down - its like a preasure in my mind and the only way to release it is through the cutting. even punching walls and hurting my hands doesnt work the same. i have to see the blood. it sounds sick i know but its a well recognised coping mechanism. and the endorphin rush from the pain gives a momentary high that detracts from the pain that you are in. it is also a control thing. when stresses in your life get outwith your control, the one thing you are in control of is the knife and what you do to your self.
when it gets to the stage its almost an adiction and ur only means of coping its very frightning. you can get so used to doing it that it becomes easy to slip up and cut too deep. and the irrational cuts -esp wen drunk - that you can honestly say u have no idea why you did it other than the compulsion was too strong. those cuts can be really dangerous. cutting in certain places gives alot of pain when u walk and serves as a reminder.

this is all in personal experiance so naturally not every one is the same. sos for this post being so long[/quote]

forgot to log in when i tyoed this. and in response to devilzchild i was told other wise by a councellor but it does seem like there is a horrible number of ppl in st andrews who turn to depression and s.i, although i have had it since i was at least 11 and am now only just getting better. i have a long history of s.i and two attempts at suicide in this time. but as those close to me will attest, since i have been on anti depressants i have improved immensly.

[hr]

i didnt say i was consistant, just right!

[hr]

i didnt say i was consistant, just right!

[hr]

i didnt say i was consistant, just right!