Would you.....

[Guest]

Am not telling you the specifics of this situation,

but would people here leave some one if they were going through a difficult time. Ie. say you had been dating someone five months - pretty close, but you felt that you couldn't cope with them any more (although you feel you should stay as they need you although you can't provide for that need). It's not so much a what should I do question (as you don't know the details) but what have you done in similar situations if any of you have been in them.

[DrAlex]

If they were going through something difficult, I'd probably stick around purely to avoid adding one more issue to their already heavy load. Unless there was no end to their personal issues in sight...

[hr]

"Listen to DrAlex."-Polli
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37100343

[tuck]

i'd probably stick aound too - in fact i have done in the past. it's hard and it can make you feel trapped sometimes but i would still want to stick around and try and help the person find a way out of their situation.

[Guest]

I sort of agree with you, although am still unsure: Anybody else

[Gubbins]

I've been thinking of an answer to this for a while - and it sounds like you still need convincing!

I would say it depends on the situation, but since you don't want to give out specific details, I'll do my best.

Basically, I'd side with DrAlex in this one - if this is a short-term thing that he's going to get over, given time, then I'd say try to bear it out. I know very well it's not easy dealing with someone going through a hard time, but you can mean a lot to them and whatever you can do for them will be a help. That said, if it's something he's unlikely to recover from any time soon and you feel you won't be able to cope, it's unfair on both of you to hold on.

Since your post is asking for what we've done in similar situations, let me say that I got together with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years because she was going through a very difficult time and needed someone there for her. It takes a lot of effort and months or even years for people to get over things and it can take an awful lot of out any one person who is taking care of them.

If it's something more permanent and he's not the guy you started going out with and never will be again, you maybe need to reassess when you really want. Otherwise, if you really love him, you'll find the strength to get him over what he's going through. Not knowing your circumstances, I'm afraid I can't advocate either, but good luck in your decisions.

[hr]

...but then again, that is only my opinion.

[Guest]

I do still love this person, but I feel it's just such hard work all the time.

Quoting from 12:40, 26th Mar 2006
Am not telling you the specifics of this situation,

but would people here leave some one if they were going through a difficult time. Ie. say you had been dating someone five months - pretty close, but you felt that you couldn't cope with them any more (although you feel you should stay as they need you although you can't provide for that need). It's not so much a what should I do question (as you don't know the details) but what have you done in similar situations if any of you have been in them.

[Gubbins]

Quoting from 16:05, 30th Mar 2006
I do still love this person, but I feel it's just such hard work all the time.

Like I say, I know where you're coming from with that one.

Maybe you just need to find someone else you can let off steam to. If you have a good, trusted friend you can tell anything to, see if you can talk to them about it and see if they have any suggestions. Even just talking to someone else about it helps get it off your chest, which may be all you need.

[hr]

...but then again, that is only my opinion.

[Lyra]

I'm going to write as though this is a real situation, simply because it's simpler. So, hypothetically ....

I think probably most people would stick around, out of a combination of love, a feeling of responsibility, guilt, and fear of what the person might do without them. I don't think that staying is necessarily the best thing.

I get the impression that you're looking for someone to say that the best thing to do is to leave, forget about it and move on. I don't think that's something which anyone can tell you to do, simply because the chances are that you would ultimately hate them for it, whether you later decided that it was the wrong decision or not.

It's surprising how much other peoples problems can drag you down, whether it's a friend or a lover. I think you need to try to put yourself first, but also think about some aspects of the situation which are maybe a bit more difficult for you to consider, such as how much you are really helping, and whether you enjoy being needed. That sounds unfair, but I know I'm much better at keeping in contact with peole when I know they need me.

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful to you, but I don't honestly think that you can get an answer from anyone but yourself. Think long and hard about what you want and need, and try to make the best decision for you.

[hr]

The Man With No Name - Danger fits him like a tight black glove

[Rufus]

Quoting from 16:05, 30th Mar 2006
I do still love this person, but I feel it's just such hard work all the time.

Quoting from 12:40, 26th Mar 2006
Am not telling you the specifics of this situation,

but would people here leave some one if they were going through a difficult time. Ie. say you had been dating someone five months - pretty close, but you felt that you couldn't cope with them any more (although you feel you should stay as they need you although you can't provide for that need). It's not so much a what should I do question (as you don't know the details) but what have you done in similar situations if any of you have been in them.

Hmmn. Love is hard work. The people that I've hurt in the past have been people that I knew I didn't love. Terrible, I know.
If you love someone, you stay by their side, whatever the weather.

If you don't love someone, and it's not fun, cut your losses and run.

In the end, I think the best thing to do, the fairest thing to do, is to let someone go if you don't want to be with them.
Knowing that someone is staying in a relationship because they feel sorry for you, is far worse than knowing that it all came to a natural end.

Oh dear. I don't have a clue, as you can see. I hope that whatever you decide to do there are as few tears as possible.

[hr]

Hell smells of raw potatoes.

[Guest]

My girlfriend has suffered serious abuse, lost her Uni place owing to an administrative cock-up, run out of money, lost numerous family members and is currently going through a cancer scare.

You think I enjoy being the shoulder to cry on?

Do the right thing you pathetic moron.

[T]

I know that if i loved someone and they were going through a difficult time theres no way i could just leave them.

I don't know what to advise, if you really love th person, is it really worth leaving them over this? Maybe you could talk to them (tactfully of course) about how you are feeling?

sorry if thats no help...

[Guest]

My partner has stood by me through my long-term difficulties. I think that my opinion is this: if you love them and they are trying to overcome their difficulties, and the problems they create are because of their difficulties and not part of who they really are, stay. Ultimately though, you are not beholden to stay with them, just as in any relationship, unless that commitment has been explicitly made. If you absolutely cannot cope, then you owe it to both of you to consider if leaving would be better. Also, I would hate myself far more if I ever felt that my partner stayed because they felt they had to, instead of wanting to because they believed we would eventually have a bright and happy future together.

I suggest you make sure you have someone to support you, too.

[Tigger]

I've been through this. My ex was having a horrible time, she had lost her grandfather, became unmotivated, had problems at uni, failed her exams in may then her resits, and just hit an all time l. we talked, she said she hated the uni, her job, and life in st. andrews in general. i asked her why she was staying, and her words were, because of you. I split up with her there and then, not because i didnt love her, but because i knew that while she was here she wouldnt get happy. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do, and the stupidest thing ever, as i loved her more than life itself. she ended up staying around, didnt go home to get away from here, but eventually, she met a nice guy, got a promotion, and is doing great. we no longer speak, but the moral is, if she is having a bad time, it might partly be because of loyalty to you that she isnt doing something productive about it. i still to this day feel a crunch when i see her, and regret splitting up, but i know she is happier than i could ever have made her, shes moved on with her life, and im thankful for it. keep the faith, and discuss it with her. she might thank you for being honest in the long run.

[hr]

My Wings Are Like A Shield of Steel...
(Claire Raynor)

[Guest]

still there................

Am really looking forward to summer though