is it prostitution?

[jelly bean]

hey i've been dating my older boyfriend for almost a year now. he was the first guy that i slept with and we have moved in together now. recently he had some male friends to stay and he told me that if i truly loved him and wanted to stay in his house then i would have to go into their rooms and do whatever they asked me to do. he says he makes me do it to make his friends feel welcome and that i wouldn't complain if i loved him enough. in the morning when his friends leave i see them give him money. this has been happening for 3 months now and i don't want to say anything in case he breaks up with me. is he using me as a prostitute or am i just being stupid?

[Cain]

first off - anybody who uses the line "if you really loved me you would " deserves a slap. That is a pretty low method of getting what he wants.

If i went round to a mate's house i would expect a cup of tea, dinner, not to have to do the washing up, a browse through CDs etc. i would not expect to be able to have my way with his girlfriend. As a host that is going above and beyond the call of duty - if he feels that he has to get women in for his mates then it bloody well shouldn't be you.

I don't know if it's prostitution or not, but that seems secondary to the fact that your boyfriend is using you. from what you've said, it seems like he has all the cards in his favour (he's older, he's more experienced, he's your first sexual relationship and so you're just happy to be with somebody and will forgive a lot, he's got house that you live in) and knows that these give him power over you.

Please, get out of his house and out of his power. Move in with a mate, sister, girlfriend, etc. Make a little mental post it of how this makes you feel, and keep referring to it when he tries to get you back.

and remember: "you'd do it if you loved me" is just a reall shit thing to do to somebody.

Best of luck getting yourself sorted - please let us know how it goes.

[Bonnie]

If you're a student, go directly to Student Support. no joke. middle floor of the Union all the way down the hall.
www.st-and.ac.uk/sss/
If you're not a student, at least go to the police. They may be able to advise you on lots of counselling services and advise you on where to go from here.

I originally said for you to dump him today but be careful. Ask for advice on how to dump him because if he's controlling enough to use you like this, I hate to think what he's like agitated. You most likely should have someone else there with you to protect you.


[hr]I love cheese.

[Neferet]

Please leave, that is absolutely awful. Go to student support, and get yourself to a friends house or a relative's.

Really, please please leave that house, that relationship and that man. That is absolutely awful and like Cain says, never ever listen to a man who uses the line "if you loved me you would...". Trust me, someone who really loved you would never say that.

The people at student support are wonderful, they will certainly help you out and help make it a lot easier for you. Don't be scared of him breaking up with you, you deserve much much better than that.

And please keep posting if you need encouragement or just to let us know how it goes. Best of luck to you.

[Maria]

oh sweetie, leave, but do it carefully, and def go find someone to talk to. Best of luck x
[hr]a horse divided against itself cannot stand

[hopefullyapisstake]

Duuuuuuude, if you aren't taking the piss (I really hope you are) you need to get the hell away from that guy.

I know a few people (myself included) who are very apt with a baseball bat, if you require such a service please don't hesitate to ask and kneecapping will ensue.