How do you know if you have a problem?

[Maisha]

This may sound stupid, but I was wondering what people would define as a problem. E.g. Anorexia is classed as a problem as it effects a persons health and can lead to serious damage to the body.
Also people say being an alcoholic is a problem (for the same reasons that it damages your health).
But what if you're doing something that doesnt lead to serious health damage, that you are in control of, but people still call it a problem?
Ok, I think I'm being a bit vague. So, this problem is self harming ok, now my friend who does this thinks its ok, as they are in control of it and it makes them feel better.
But is it ok? there are no obvious scars and they make up excuses for the cuts and burns (though how many people actually believe the stories is another matter).
Also my friend doesnt want people to know because they think people will think they're doing it for attention and they're being pathetic and childish.
So is it a problem? And if it is, how can it be solved in the most quiet and descrete way possible?

[KateBush]

Generally speaking, addictions are considered problems when they become destructive to the person or those around them. With something like anorexia, or mental health difficulties, people tend only to be admitted to hospital when they are considered a danger to themselves or to others.

However, anything that causes distress and impairs your ability to function on a day to day basis is a problem if you think about. Self harming I would say is always a problem because it is inherently destructive- the objective is to hurt yourself. and if you're addicted to it, then like drugs, you'll build up a tolerance and have to do more of it to satisfy yourself. It is going to be better to nip the problem in the bud now.

I would suggest getting your friend to go to the GP- offer to go with them, or to get them to student support if they're in st andrews. There is even a student run self injury support group. they have posters all over town advertising...so when term starts, that might be an option too. Email sis@st-and for further info.

good luck, and I hope your friend gets sorted out soon.

[eb]

hi there

if she is open enough to tell you that she does self harm, have you asked her the reasons behind it, if she thinks, she may be able to pinpoint events that trigger it off.

i don't know a lot about self harming but i know the best thing to do is talk about.

so your friend has made the first step by telling you and this means she can get more support as long as you support her.

there is an article on self harming at this website: http://www.samaritans.org/know/selfharm ... fharm.shtm

i hope this may give you some insight into it

i would also suggest that if you can't encourage your friend to talk to a GP as suggested before, try getting her to phone or even email the samaritans on 08457 909090 or jo@samaritans.org to talk about the way she feels.

you should also try and let her know that she is not alone and doesn't have to suffer alone

best of luck

[Happy-Go-Lucky]

While at the moment your friend may be in control of her actions and isn't really causing any "real" damage, there is a danger that it will gradually start to control her before she realises and can stop it. While her actions at the moment may be mild, if she is experiences some severe stress in the future, her way of dealing with it may be do harm herself much more severely. She should do something about it before it does become a problem. I know many people who felt they were in control and it wasn't a problem, and didn't realise when it was gradually taking over, until it was much worse, and then much more difficult to solve. She must notkid herself into thinking it isok. Anything where you deliberately hurt yourself, especially as a form of stress coping, is not normal, or at least, not healthy, and should be addressed.

P.S. I see you never actually said in your posting whether your friend was male or female, but I'll just leave my posting as refering to a "she" for simplicity.

[Guest]

I think the fact that you are obviously worried for her means that it is a problem.

Unfortunately denial is one of the worst bits of a problem to overcome. Suggesting a doctor or phoning a phoneline might be a bit much for them.

But there are people in St Andrews who can help, the support group and even student support.

I don't know a lot about the subject but I know it's an awful lot more common than most people think.

Good luck

[Guest]

I used to do that. Now on 60mg of citalopram per day and have been talking to a therapist once every other week. Antidepressant was well worth it and I would STRONGLY recommend it. Has made my life (and that of people around me) so much better. I am much happier and have no desire to cut/burn/whatever. This can be a good option for people who aren't comforable talking to a therapist yet. I went to several doctors in St Andrews, and for me, Dr. Nixon at the health centre is the best. Very knowledgable with these things and very kind. Antidepressants don't work right away and it can take time to find the right one, so if she tries it, let her know that it could take 2 or 3 months to feel better -- some counselors said 2-4 weeks and that is complete bullsh*t for someone who is upset enough to cut themselves.

Please make her get help -- it has made all the difference in the world for me to have done it.

[Guest]

I just posted above, but I thought about it and I didn't really answer your question. From my own experience, cutting myself was not a problem as much as a symptom of a problem -- for me, severe depression.

I don't know if I can really explain this, but I will try. You mentioned alcoholism as a problem and I agree that it is, but the act of "drinking/being drunk" itself is not a problem, it is a symptom . . . if that makes sense. To further explain: most people at this university drink alcohol. That doesn't necessarily mean that they need to be in an alcoholic treatment program. Most people would say that the time to seek help is when the person drinking can no longer control it, i.e. they "need" to do it and use it as a coping mechanism.

My best guess is that your friend is doing what I did and is cutting herself as a coping mechanism, sometimes for a sense of release, punishment, or even anger toward others. I know you know this, but even for people who cut themselves it is not fun. Obviously normal, healthy people do not cut themselves. I guess what I am getting at is that, in the way that consistant and uncontrolable drinking is a symptom of alcoholism, self harm is a symptom of some other problem, likely depression, possibly combined with being a very emotionally sensative person (Emotional Intesity Disorder - partly genetic, partly learned).

I think what I would stress most is that it is 99.9% treatable. It is not an instant fix either, but it is SOOOO worth it to give either medication, counseling or both a shot. Please encourage her to seek help.

[Maisha]

Thanks for the advice peeps Hopefully it will help

[hr]Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

[Guest]

hey
as a self harmer myself i can tell u that it is not good. the act its self for me is a release but my doctor says im not depresed. it has been a while since i last cut myself but the desire is always there even when life is going well, such as getting into uni. its a constant battle with self control. actualy telling you about it means your freind no matter what she says wants help. in my experiance self harming is done in seceret till you are willing to face the fact there is a problem.
i understand that i myself have a problem but can not pinpoint the trigger. untill i do i simply follow the cycle.
hope this might have given some insight. to the original poter or anyone else reading this thread.

[Guest]

i think it should be noted that not everyone who self harms is mentally ready to stop, putting pressure on someone to do so before they are ready can do more harm than good, i have been self harming more many years, it is definitely a way of coping with other issues in my life. I know a lot of people will think i should get help and these people will probably also be suprised to hear that i do and have been seeing a psychologist for some time now, however until i am ready to stop and have been able to develop other coping mechanisms - which can take along time, my psychologist puts no pressure on me to stop. Dont get me wrong im aware he doesnt like what i do to myself and he certainly doesnt encourage it but he understands why i do what i do. Having someone who is understanding is what someone who self harms needs, they dont enjoy what they are doing nor are they doing it to gain attention.

[Guest]

There are some issues I've been struggling with, especially over the summer, and I feel like I would like to (finally) speak to someone, such as a therapist about them. The thing is, and I don't want to sound incredibly ungrateful, I've been to Student Support already - in my first year -and had two sessions with someone who I feel didn't understand the situation at all, and who I eventually felt quite uncomfortable talking to. So I was quite put off 'therapy' of any kind.

But now I think I should talk to someone again. My question is then, is there other place to find counseling than student support? Does anyone know of a private therapist/analyst in St. Andrews? Is it very expensive? Is there anyone in the health center?

Like I said, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the help I received (and I'm not - it could just be a case our chemistries not working), I would just like to find out a little bit more about the other options out there.

[Buffy]

I don't know who you spoke with at SSS, but some of them are not qualified to deal with certain problems; what I mean is that most of them are not really therapists. They can, however, refer you to a lady called Zinaida. If you haven't tried her I would recommed it as she is specifically trained to deal with some of the issues discussed on this thread. Her programs usually run for several (maybe 8, i cant rememeber) weeks, meeting with her once a week across the street from the union. If that isn't quite doing it for you, I don't know who else they have in Student Support, but at the health centre Dr. Nixon (male) is quite familiar with current knowledge of psychology and things along those lines, and he might be worth speaking to. If he thinks you should see a psychiatrist, he can put you on a waiting list to see one.

[Guest]

hey just thought i would point out that the waiting lists for psychiatrists, psychologists and even CPN's in Fife are quite long, (even getting an appointment at the health centre can be difficult at times!) it would be wise to try and give SSS another go, i have heard that they can be really helpful. Maybe you were just not put with the right person at first.

[Guest]

[s]Unregisted User wrote on 16:52, 29th Aug 2004:
There are some issues I've been struggling with, especially over the summer, and I feel like I would like to (finally) speak to someone, such as a therapist about them. The thing is, and I don't want to sound incredibly ungrateful, I've been to Student Support already - in my first year -and had two sessions with someone who I feel didn't understand the situation at all, and who I eventually felt quite uncomfortable talking to.

Who did you talk to? I haven't had many problems but when I struggled with a bit of depression I found talking to Dave Roberts (the academic advice man) extremely helpful and my doctor seemed to have a great deal of respect for him also.

I didn't realise before that Dave Roberts is actually a doctor of something? Does anyone know what of - it wouldn't surprise me if it is psychiatry as the man is a genius when getting you to talk about your troubles in a friendly relaxed atmosphere

[Guest]

hi, i was just wondering if anyone knows anything about the self injury support group the uni has. i have seen posters all over uni about it and would like to attend for some support as i have been self harming for many years but would like to know a bit more about it first.

[registered user]

I emailed them last year and got no reply, which was a bit worrying. If all you want is information, rather than someone to talk to there are some good sites on the interweb (although plenty of bad ones as well). You might find any kind of material related to self harm triggers you though, so I guess that might be an issue.

http://www.recoveryourlife.com might be as good a place as any to start.

[theantisocialone]

Just been reading this thread and there is one person who hasn't been mentioned yet and that is Dr Mathewson at the health centre. I have been suffering from severe depression since I was about 14 but it wasn't diagnosed until I was about 18. I am now 22 and am finally getting myself sorted out. Dr Mathewson was a great help because he is such a straight talker and makes you feel comfortable. You may have to wait a while after your appoitment time to see him but that is because he gives everybody the ammount of time they need.

anyway enough eulogising time to get back to revision for the annual resit

[KateBush]

I didn't realise before that Dave Roberts is actually a doctor of something? Does anyone know what of - it wouldn't surprise me if it is psychiatry as the man is a genius when getting you to talk about your troubles in a friendly relaxed atmosphere


Linguistics. He rocks.

[Guest]

hey who does everyone think would be the best person at the health centre to talk to about depression and self harm? I was thinking that a practice nurse might have a bit more time to talk because 10 minutes with a doctor doesnt seem long and i would probably not get around to mentioning it. i am in the Tait practice, anyone know of anyone nice in that one to talk to?

[confused]

hi i think that Dr Nixon and Dr Mathewson mentioned above are both in the Tait practice but i am not sure, anyone else know?