i am afraid of my parents and want some advise

[Guest]

hi

i want some advise on what to do after graduation. this has been bothering me for quite awhile now and i'm always thinking of what i'm going to do once university is over. i dont really want to go back to my parents place because

(a) i dont get along with them - they always get in the way of things, always telling me what to do, always telling me which kinds of people i should hang out with, and always being so fussy and negative on things

(b) i cannot relate to them - we have incompatible modes of thought, so to speak. they think money and religion is the meaning of life, whereas i see it as pursuing ones wishes and dreams (you can say i have a western approach to things). and they see my studies as a waste of time since they cannot see how itll get me a job..i tried telling them its not a matter of remembering things as opposed to developing ones critical abilities, but they just don't understand.

(c) i want my independance - i enjoy living alone and being able to do what i want without any restriction - usually i am a nightowl thats up at night, and if i want to go out and have a good time then i will. also, i feel that they are holding on too tight and whenever i try and say they should let me stand on my own two feet they get all melodramatic and start to cry (accusing me of not loving them, etc). i dont want to hurt them but at the same time i want to live my life and living under their house would not only feel oppressive but scary in a sense that i will be forced to abide by their rules all the time (kind of like imprisonment in a way..my friend says this thinking is abit too extreme for my situation).

i am not sure what to do and the only reason why i would be forced to live with them is because of money. but i know that living under their house will be extremely uncomfortable for me because of how controlling and self-righteous they are..they think whatever they say is the right way, the way to go, as it were..and living under their shadow again feels so oppressive its bound to drive me insane and mad. i dont really have any friends i could go to (my closest friend is in america but even she is so poor, financially). i am grateful that theyre helping me fund my studies here at university, and of course i do care about them, but theres always that dark side i have been exposed to for so long that will creep in and make my future miserable. i dont want to travel back in the past and go back to the area where i grew up - ive had too many bad memories there with all the bullying, racism and extreme violence going on there. rather i want to look forward and start a new life, but without any money i feel this want will immediately be frustrated. part of me is afraid of my parents, and whenevr i try and stand up for myself i always lose my calm with them and we get into irrational arguments over trivial stuff. also, i cannot understand a single word my brother says to be now - he speaks in a kind of rap/ghetto/slang way and i just cannot make what he's saying - by this, i mean i cannot relate to them. i am not sure what to do as it seems my situation with my parents is very unstable right now..but i know they will not stop funding me because they care about me deep down as i do them, but they are always holding on too tight and i dont know how to make them see that this bird has left the nest and now wants to live life and enjoy it. i dont know, maybe i'm not making much sense here about everything. i would appreciate some input on what to do please, especially when graduation is over.

[Guest]

Do you have any other relatives that you could stay with?

In what way is money a problem...are your job prospects good and what kind of job would you be looking at? And where.

If you manage to secure a steady income then you will have many more options.

I'm sure people will recommend that you talk to your parents but I know that you will know that that won't do any good. Everyone suffers from this when they have been away and independent though obviously yours is a more extreme situation.

[Guest]

*bumps the thread* still looking for advise

[Sided Pizza]

[s]Unregisted User wrote on 14:29, 30th Oct 2004:
*bumps the thread* still looking for advise



You could "end up" getting a job that is to far away from your parents house to stay with them.

[dd47]

you're a graduate. Your job prospects are greatly increased by that status. find a job in a place you are comfortable in. talk to people who were in your classes if you're still in touch. Are you in Scotland? if so a local council should be able to set you up with housing at a fairly affordable rate. there are many options open to you but most importantly dont worry. there are lots of people out there who will want to help. Try renting a room from current students. rent will be quite good ant they could use the money too!

Hope i can be of some use to you

[Guest]

[s]Unregisted User wrote on 14:29, 30th Oct 2004:
*bumps the thread* still looking for advise


...then maybe you should give more info as was asked for? ie,

Do you have any other relatives that you could stay with?

In what way is money a problem...are your job prospects good and what kind of job would you be looking at? And where.

If you manage to secure a steady income then you will have many more options.

People can't really give advise if they don't know what your options are!

[Guest]

[s]Unregisted User wrote on 12:18, 31st Oct 2004:
[s]Unregisted User wrote on 14:29, 30th Oct 2004:[i]
*bumps the thread* still looking for advise


...then maybe you should give more info as was asked for? ie,

1. Do you have any other relatives that you could stay with?

2. In what way is money a problem...are your job prospects good and what kind of job would you be looking at? And where.

People can't really give advise if they don't know what your options are!
[/i]



ok. answers..

1. no. the problem would be the same.

2. money is a problem because i have nothing in my account (am currently living on overdraft money at the moment) and my parents hardly get much either (cleaner and manual labourer). to be honest my job prospects are laughably bad because i haven't taken part in any extra curricular stuff during my time here - all of it's been spent on work; sometimes i would be up at 3am still doing work because i have that much to do (especially for essays, and most of the times my grade is not even that good - 10 at best if i throw in all my energies and efforts). i ask for help from my teachers and lecturers but they won't give it to me (rudely throwing my concerns back at my face).

as for jobs, i want to look into something to do with media and film (yeah, i'm a movie buff). where? either in the UK (london area) or US (LA or NY), whatever place can cater my interests.

[MadDog20/20]

Right, first off, forget going to LA. Visa-wise its impossible and the industry is impossible to get into there unless you have connections already.

On the other hand, Vancouver is a major movie city these days and being Canadian city is quite cheap. You can get a visa from Bunac for 12 months. www.bunac.org

Vancouver is awesome. Its beautiful. When you arrive you will probably find a basic job within a fortnight (ie starbucks etc) but this will get you financially stable while you sort out your film career. The Bunac programme is quite expensive, however they are very well organised. You should maybe consider a small loan to fund your trip. If you are not sure what to do with your life then a year abroad is the perfect thing for a bit of soul searching and avoiding your parents. Plus it looks great on your CV.

I just say vancouver because I felt like I couldnt walk down the street without tripping over a film crew, and its cheap cheap cheap. British money goes a long way in Canada.

Good luck

[Guest]

Going to the US would certainly open up your money options more than in London, with renting being much easier and cheaper and of course with jobs paying better. Also there is still plenty of time this year to get work experience to buff our your cv. If you start looking now it can dissipate some of the panic.

As for your parents, if there is no way to talk it over then you may find after having lived apart from them properly for a good while they may treat you more like an adult. And even if they don't you'l see them less often and as an adult yourself so you'l be able to set the rules a little more.

To be honest though you are an adult now being independent so you should be able to have it out with them. If you talk to them while full of self confidence in yourself and of your plans for the future then they will have to respect that. After all they have much more to lose from a bad relationship with you than you do.


Also, your brother may like different music to you but he is still your brother. Everyone has at least one sibling that feels alien to them but can still make the effort to get interested in what they are interested in. It is much easier to meet them half way than just closing the door on them.

And when you are both living away from home, siblings can be the best friends you will ever have.

[carmon]

Are you from the states? If yes, I know some people that might be able to help you out. They're public workers. They can probably help you find an apartment for a reasonable price.