boy looking for strings attached relationship with an emotional wreck of a wench

[sunshine]

I am looking for a long and drawn out relationship filled with awkward sex with lots of strings attached. In fact, scratch that, strings probably won't do it for me, I'd much prefer hefty metal chains. The strings metaphor reminds me of kittens playing with yarn, and I want to be sure there's no easy way out of this. No sir, no one night stands for me.

Preferably, you, the girl, should be either on the rebound or so otherwise emotionally and socially inept. I also want an extremely needy and fickle girl. If you aren't sure if you meet those qualifications, consider this: are you the type of girl that would flood me with texts and calls at all times day and night, and then get extremely irritated if I did not respond immediately? If the answer is no, you probably aren't what I'm looking for. If the answer is yes, then please read on.

I'm not into any weird sexual fetishes. I prefer traditional, regular, boring sex. I'm open minded, but if you mention vampires or scat, except in passing, I'll pretend to be very annoyed and I'll quickly lose interest.

Also, let's face it, this being an internet board, I'm not expecting anyone beautiful. In fact, *fingers crossed* you should probably have serious self doubts about your image if you are going to respond here. Again, low expectations in life is the key to consistently and pleasurably surprising yourself.

To emphasize what I am looking for. I want an extremely needy girl, preferably stuck up, with serious image problems. I would hope that said girl is an emotional mess, as that will surely add to the drama of awkward sex and frequent breakups, jealous communication back and forth, and hopefully at least a few very public and very awesome fights. (It might help here if you sleep around on me, LOTS). You should probably have serious academic and alcoholic problems, perhaps a few run ins with the law, and lastly, you should have only the most puritanical expectations of me, both in bed, and on the streets. I don't know how to dance, and I hate people that have fun.

I am a gentleman and a scholar. I am ridiculously good looking. Fortunately, I balance all of this out with extreme patience and humility. You may only address me as The Right Honorable, sunshine.

THIS THREAD IS SRS BUSINESS.

[the Empress]

What's the point of this board? It just seems to be a place of pointless ridicule and lame jokes. Sometimes it'd be nice to click on the board and go 'aw, a budding romance', y'know, a little cheer for the day. . . .

[sunshine]

are you ridiculing my post?

I'm so serious. (as mentioned in the OP).

Quoting the Empress from 21:03, 23rd Apr 2008
What's the point of this board? It just seems to be a place of pointless ridicule and lame jokes. Sometimes it'd be nice to click on the board and go 'aw, a budding romance', y'know, a little cheer for the day. . . .

[SchizophrenicCabbage]

Anyone else just swoon?

[SpecialK]

All my life I've been looking for some like you. I'm so emotional right now, I need a donut.

[the Empress]

OK, so because I'm procrastinating I've rewritten your personal in an upbeat way, although I feel I've kept it close to the orignal:

'Hi, I like cats. If you like cats, we have something in common. If you are female, even better! I am open to your emotions, and would never put your health at risk through dangerous sexual practices. I look OK and I can read. If you are reading this, you can also read! Another thing in common! If you are serious, as I am serious, let me know!'

No need for thanks . . .

[munchingfoo]

Quoting the Empress from 23:31, 24th Apr 2008
'Hi, I like cats. If you like cats, we have something in common. If you are female, even better! I am open to your emotions, and would never put your health at risk through dangerous sexual practices. I look OK and I can read. If you are reading this, you can also read! Another thing in common! If you are serious, as I am serious, let me know!'

What's the point in this board if you are just going to ridicule the man's advertisement?

[hr]

“ When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading”

[the Empress]

I took out all the good bits and put it in a concise format.

[Hennessy]

I think what sunshine is giving us here is an unbiased portrait of himself and what he's looking for.

More refreshing than people who simply say "21/m/london" or something similiarly spartan and expect to have floods of replies, or men who blatantly lie and say they love all feminine pastimes when all they (hopefully) want is a quick shag before the cup final to boast to their mates about.

[hr]

"What happened to Spoon?"
"There is no Spoon"
Dog Soldiers

[the Empress]

If you who are pretty cynical (judging from your other posts;) believe this man to be 'SRS' perhaps I have been too harsh . . . .

[Hennessy]

Quoting the Empress from 22:20, 26th Apr 2008
If you who are pretty cynical (judging from your other posts;) believe this man to be 'SRS' perhaps I have been too harsh . . . .

We all have online personas that are in some cases markedly different from us in real life, indeed some are designed to be so.

My interpretation of sunshines post could well be wrong, but if indeed it is serious as he states, then it is either a flamboyant attempt to establish an online character or a genuine and pretty unique post on this board especially. We've all been in relationships where the face of things is tranquil, but beneath it power struggles, petty misconceptions and growing sense of alienation from the person you were before the relationship reign.

[hr]

"What happened to Spoon?"
"There is no Spoon"
Dog Soldiers

[Senethro]

Quoting Hennessy from 01:41, 27th Apr 2008
We all have online personas that are in some cases markedly different from us in real life, indeed some are designed to be so.

When people ask, this post should be used to explain much of the sinner.

[rob 'f*ck off' wine boy]

Quoting Senethro from 13:48, 27th Apr 2008

Quoting Hennessy from 01:41, 27th Apr 2008
We all have online personas that are in some cases markedly different from us in real life, indeed some are designed to be so.

When people ask, this post should be used to explain much of the sinner.

LIES

[Mehmsy]

Basically that is the best OP in this board.

[hr]

http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37106593

[desperate]

Give me your address. I can start stalking you and then the awkward fun can begin!

ps. How do you feel about crying during sex?

[sunshine]

Quoting desperate from 23:13, 1st May 2008
Give me your address. I can start stalking you and then the awkward fun can begin!

ps. How do you feel about crying during sex?

YOU CRY TOO!?!!

omg, I didn't say anything about it in my OP, I just, I don't know, uh, well, I was so embarrassed to say anything. ( I thought it was so abnormal??! Jeez. Well yeah, actually I only really cry AFTER sex, but I wouldn't mind if you cried during. Like, I could comfort you during, then you could comfort me after?? Personally I think it's so much more intimate to just lie there in the fetal position sobbing after a good shag, but everyone I've ever been with has thought it was so weird.