Creep seeks 'Waynetta' to suck up under toes and lubricate corgettes

[Creep]

Yup. That pretty much summarises it. Mute prefered.

And bring your own. I'm not a grocer.

[Creep]

What the hell is wrong with the birds in this town? 24/7 all they do is complain about how 'there are no decent men' *whine* 'women outnnumber men three to one' *whinge* 'they just expect us to take the lead' *gripe*'none of the men here have any sense of adventure' *sob* 'I can't remember the last time I met a man who could make me laugh' *impassioned wail* 'they're all so boring' *boo-hoo boo-hoo boo-hoo*.

So here I am, guts enough to put myself up on auction, announce to all the St Andrews Bridget Jones' that I'm out here. Not that sophisticated perhaps but I ain't no poof neither.

I'm not going to criticise your hairdo or your clothes and if you're fat, so what? I'll just tell you straight - then we'll move on, no hassle, no emotional fuckwittage; just hard, fast, rough and regular stuffing. And when I'm done, I'm done. And afterwards, I'll pet you, scrub you up in the shower, even light your fag whilst squarely regailling ancient tales of the Colonel (my father), his wives and how I used to wrestle lion cubs back in the old days; before independence.

I mean what do you expectl, f*****g Heathcliffe? If you're really desperate I might even wear a wet shirt for you and grow sideburns.

Mind you it'll have to be the pink shirt as the white one's got curry stains. And the last time I grew sideburns they came out fuzzy ginger. Plus I don't really like them cos they make my face go flakey; always little bits of dead skin decaying in the fluff.

[Kriedmar]

That has got to be one of the best rants in history! Absolutely side-splitting, not that i haven't been thinking roughly the same thing myself. Most of the ladies seem to complain bout the sense of humour thing and just 5mins earlier they were laughin at 1 of my stupid jokes, but keep lookin man there are ladies out there who aren't like that.

[hr]The reason I'm holding on to the floor of the pub is that if I let go, I shall slide off of the world.

[Amaunet]

This is really funny-definintely the funniest thing on the board.

And for the record- it was Mr Darcy who had the sideburns and wet shirt. Ahh, Pride and Prejudice, how i love thee.



[hr]"You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how"

Gone with the Wind

[LeopardSkinQueen]

Oooh, look, a troll! Can we keep it?

[hr][s]"Surely a young man like you has needs, Mister Kenobi. American Express can pay for them."

"Will it pay for dancing boys?"
http://www.siubhan.com/sithacademy/frame.html
[/s]

[Al]

Has the long arm of the government's Department of "Stuff The Helpless" finally reached under bridges the length and breadth of the country? Why else are so many trolls shuffling onto here cursing the light of the sun and mumbling incoherently?

[hr]Life is too important to be taken seriously.

[Anon.]

It was funny though.

[LeopardSkinQueen]

[s]Anon. wrote on 22:28, 24th Dec 2003:
It was funny though.


It was?

[hr]
[s]"Just why Frodo was selling his beautiful hole was even more debatable than the price."

'Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring'

[/s]

[Valen_gr]

yes, it was!!
weirdo :p

[Creep]

And back here again among the freaks, the geeks, the wannabes and all the other accumulated forms of losers. Makes you sick don't it?

While all you saps have sat and farted Christmas away in front of your last friends, these sad pieces of wretched machinery, watching your new Matrix DVDs, wanking over FHM's Top 100 and differing as much from the common stock as lobotomised mutton, I've been out there. This Creep has crossed over beyond the usual tenor to realms of discord, blood and filth.

I went to Thailand. I wanted to split virgins, master the final seven positions of the Sutra and enjoy rubber, celery and needles.

But I took a lot of LSD instead. While under the influence I made love to a 19 yr old prostitute they called Jaunesco the Hairy. I was too vigorous and I snapped her pelvis so I got arrested.

I spent the last two months in an unlit, underground cell. There was constant standing water fluctuating between a slimy residue to a depth of four inches depending upon the levels of the city sewers. It was not uncommon to step upon human faeces and rats. I vomited solidly for three days; I was diarroeic for five. I lost eleven stone while inside (I admit I was a fat fucker). Cockroaches burrowed into my skin to lay their eggs, little white maggots oozed out from every pore of body, my head swam with lice. My hair fell out and, after being beaten severely by one of my fellow prisoners an open wound in my left leg became gangrenous. All the teeth on the bottom row of my jaw came out. For a while I forgot my name.

But I am back to resume my joint philosophy and management degree. I do not want to describe what I did to escape.

And I'm officially still single. So any of you little bints ready for more man than you can handle?

Photo please. No South-East Asians. Or fat chicks. I still have muscle rot.

[Nature's Metropolis]

I wonder who it is who would actually write this kind of stuff, quite amusing but I'm not sure I would find creep too attractive. Can creep give us a proper physical description of himself or are the sideburns and flaky skin the real deal? Also, do i sense some sexual frustration under all this fantasising?

[Creep]

Well I ain't much of a looker like. But lights off you know, kinda tolerable and you can only smell the difference.

All this Psychochromatic-wossit-analysis stuff bit too intellectual for a bloke like me. I thought Freud was what you done to bacon the morning after gettin smashed.

[Nature's Metropolis]

Well at least you're honest. Especially about the swimming. Shame you have to do it alone. Suprised about the smell considering your regular swimming and showering habits but even a smelly creep needs a good woman (if only for the sake of everyone else in the pool).

[Snake]

Creep is in fact a frustrated-to-the-point-of-desperation wannabe artsy literati posh boy who enjoys pretending to be common. He lives in Regs Annexe.

Snake hates creep and will be naming and shaming The Creep if he continues this patronising behaviour.

Please dont get wound up by his "humor" - he enjoys this and it undermines your intelligence. If I was back home, the boys would deal with him.

[Aldous]

Not wishing to incur the wrath of the Snake but as disinterested outsider am slightly confused. Surely it is up to individual readers to decide whether they are being patronised? Being informed that one is being patronised is, frankly, somewhat patronising?

Also how precisely has my intellect been undermined by reading Creep's gibberish? I don't get it (or has it already happened?).

Also you should have checked the profile. It appears to have been deleted and nothing has been posted under the name of Creep for about a fortnight.

I think the Creep has gone but that Snake might be his re-incarnation. Which seems odd, would imply deep lack of self trust.

Whoever he is, he's a freak. But a funny one. Much funnier than Snake who appears to be a bit of a fascist.

[Guest]

i was laughing so hard when i read this and at first i was like, what the hell am i laughing at? but reading it again, i realized that it's just a break from blah threads and i don't know, it makes me laugh and think...ok i lied about the thinking part but it was entertaining so...

[Aldous]

I miss Creep

[Kreep]

I is resurespected.

I was happy. I was safe and secure and not getting nightmares never. The four months I spent in solitary confinement were the happiest of me life. I didn't have to worry none about clothes or meals or time pressures or money but above all i never had to see a bleedin women not one. i didn't even have a mirror. i might as well ave bleedin Benedictine. sex for me was like honest politicians. non existent.

Then they put my ass on a work detail and some 6'7 geezer they called the Preston kink-snapper starts mouthing off 'Ave you eaten your lunchbox or what?' so I'm not takin this bullshit and i clobber him over the head with me spade and the titwank goes kerplunk. So then the guv is a bit scared right? so they let me out on good behaviour which is just like the last thing i ever wanted to throbbing happen!

They sent me back here.

I sit in the library all days by the girls bathroom. I like counting how many women is goin to the toilet and then i imagine i am the toilet and i imagine all of them peeing on my face. but i'm startin to lose control again i can feel stuff choking, life is getting harder, and i can't take it much longer... so this it babes last chance to save a dishonest bloke from goin over the edge. Civic duty or what?

Otherwise i'm gonna start burning stuff again.

[fact_me_till_i_fart]

This guy IS from the regs annexe. There are so many creeps like him here. It seems like the dumping ground for wierdos. Thats why I'm here...

[hr]Black is my mind when a new day has come
Black are the tears when I cry
Come here and take my hand, join this misery
The fallen angel will set us free

[Kreep]

Kreep does not live in Regs Annexe