...pulling a shotgun out and aiming it at Derek. Sadly, this was the very same gun that the Sinner crab had used, and the 'BANG' flag didn't fare much better against Derek.
On seeing this, Derek laughed so hard...
[hr]It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking / So it helps to have a mirror in the room...
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Re:
by Miss Maryland on Sat Dec 06, 2003 2:45 pm
It was early on in December and the town was just recovering from Raisin Weekend. I had managed to find a seat in the Central when in walked the strange creature known as Graeme - the manager. He had a grin on his face.
He was with Marco Biagi, who also had a grin on his face. What had been going on? It turned out that someone had been building snowmen on top of police cars again, but this time had used cotton wool.
Settling back down to my drink, I was surprised to see outside the window, a large yellow rabbit in the window of Bonkers. It appeared to be trying to attack passers by, for it was repetitively slamming into the window, only to discover in dismay that it's prey was safely on the other side. Still it made an interesting change from most toys, despite the shop assistant trying to calm it down by offering it a piece of chocolate.
At just that moment walked in the beautiful vision of loveliness that is the Sinner crab, back from Reading, where he had been exiled to. He had always thought it was lucky he hadn't been sent to Swindon but was very glad to be back home at last. Having bought the rabbit as present for his tormentors, he wandered outside and met Christopher Walken dancing in the street. Music played but time seemed frozen, dammit they had found him. This was it, he reached forhis shotgun, only just in time, for right behind him was a creature that had obviously escaped from the University's genetic engineering labs, and was about to swipe his picnic basket. The Crab aimed, pulled the trigger and with a flash, out popped a pole with a peice of material that exclaimed BANG. The crab cursed the
strange green monkey who had sold him defective firearms, and produced
an eight part mini series starring many of those sad little actors whose names you never can remember.
Meanwhile, in the Cellar I was staring out the window in awe at all that was going on around me. I decided to go up to the bar because Fig was making more of his maltesers ice cream for people to enjoy during the quiz. There was a small group of people wondering what to do with the Saltire flag that they had just "borrowed" from the flag pole above Pitlochry of Scotland when a random man from the carribean walked in with bananas. he was trying to sell them, but these were no ordinary bananas because they were blue and covered with red spots and green stripes, which were used by the Ancient Greeks as a form of contraception. The banana seller offered them to me in return for 10 minutes in the bathroom with himself and 20 packets of walkers crisps (the ear free versions).
Meanwhile, back in gotham the city was enjoying an unseasonable warmth, which could only mean that the earth's gravity was failing, due to a large "hiccup" which was experienced after too much fizzy pop. the only way to stop gravity failing was to stage a national cracker-eating contest, strangely enough. However, moment before the contest was to start, who was to strut down the street to halt proceedings but Mr and Mr Ross. Infact, strutting is not right. Gayly dancing. Yes, Mr and Mrs Ross came gayly dancing along the street, handing out John's Gospels and proclaiming "for god did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him...John 3:17). On witnessing the attempted gravity-saving cracker eating, the couple burst into flames after drinking too much petrol but that left one question should the juice for the cracker competition be used to douse the flames on the screaming flamers or should it be drank by the particpants. after ten seconds the competitors decided on dousing the flames, as after all, there are still students to be saved, and who better for the job than Mrs Ross? However, after her ordeal, it appears that Mrs Ross is not quite herself and to the shock and amusement of observers she won the cracker competition! Thus, winning the 18 inch dildo which she started using right away on all those heathens that believe in evolution and sex before marriage. However, she was stopped by Bungle from Rainbow. Who then ran down the street with a large red apple which was possessed and therefore was made rector of St Andrews, something Clem tried to stop by eating the apple but he himself became possessed by the spirit of Margaret Thatcher.
Clement Freud, empowered by the evil spirit of Thatcher, proceeded to pass a bill within the university, meaning that all students would have to worship him as a god and walk on their hands every second sunday in the month when it coincided with a full moon. However, no one batted an eyelid because compared with some of the other St Andrews traditions this seemed quite tame. What no one knew though was that Clems' actions had disturbed the space time continuum, shifting days to a decimal system.
This wholesale destruction of the concept of sunday annoyed the great worm spirit, conveniantly recently risen from his eons of slumber. In a fit of somewhat fluffy vengance he attempted to call up a pack of killer butterflies, which ate all the hall food in Melville. Radioactively enhanced, they flew, rank and file, towards the Library but couldnt get in because they didnt have matric cards.
They retreated to the ashes of DRH, where they summoned thier master, commonly known to the student population as Derek (famed by Derek-watch) who with a sigh of releif, spread his Butterfly wings that had to be remained hidden until he was called upon. this day was going to forever be known as Tuesday. It seemed the butterflies might have lived happily ever after had it not been for the electronic Bug Zapper in Pizza connection which fried the lot of them into little cinders which were then given to Girls Aloud, who just happened to be passing. It made their singing curiously better which shook up the time space continium even more.
This led to George Bush handing over control of America to The Sinner. In appointing 'Admin' as President of the US, their first task was to revamp the look of the White House. He gave it an 'autumn theme,' but the press soon nicknamed it the 'Pink House.' This infuriated Gay rights groups feeling that pink, being their national colour and all, should only be used during their official functions. El presidente responded by jumping up and down on top of a big soap box, declaring that despite recent events, all national sheep shall be painted an obtuse shade of darkest lilac. This in turn shall incur the wrath of The Great Bacon and egg pizza, lone denizen of KFB (may its name be whispered in hoarse stutterings). With its great and mighty "not-quite-completly-cooked" albumin it shall crawl on its crust to the end of the world and buy pizzas from Empire instead. In Empire, Marco Biagi decided it was time to purchase a 10 incher and a bottle of coke.
As he left the shop he saw Derek McLeod who was quick to point out...I screwed you over during the election. So what are you going to do about it? Marco quickly responded by pulling a shotgun out and aiming it at Derek. Sadly, this was the very same gun that the Sinner crab had used, and the 'BANG' flag didn't fare much better against Derek. On seeing this, Derek laughed so hard that he gave birth to a sense of humour. Derek then went on to spread this humour in the West Port where one can always find people devoid of bogeys as they were brought up to be very precise nose pickers. the only thing they weren't trained at was...
how not to be seen without a pashmina. Unfortunately, they had to learn how to cope without them when Marco, Sal, and Clonion appeared at the Westport and stole all of the pashminas. The three hid their stash in...
[hr]...and there was much rejoicing.
He was with Marco Biagi, who also had a grin on his face. What had been going on? It turned out that someone had been building snowmen on top of police cars again, but this time had used cotton wool.
Settling back down to my drink, I was surprised to see outside the window, a large yellow rabbit in the window of Bonkers. It appeared to be trying to attack passers by, for it was repetitively slamming into the window, only to discover in dismay that it's prey was safely on the other side. Still it made an interesting change from most toys, despite the shop assistant trying to calm it down by offering it a piece of chocolate.
At just that moment walked in the beautiful vision of loveliness that is the Sinner crab, back from Reading, where he had been exiled to. He had always thought it was lucky he hadn't been sent to Swindon but was very glad to be back home at last. Having bought the rabbit as present for his tormentors, he wandered outside and met Christopher Walken dancing in the street. Music played but time seemed frozen, dammit they had found him. This was it, he reached forhis shotgun, only just in time, for right behind him was a creature that had obviously escaped from the University's genetic engineering labs, and was about to swipe his picnic basket. The Crab aimed, pulled the trigger and with a flash, out popped a pole with a peice of material that exclaimed BANG. The crab cursed the
strange green monkey who had sold him defective firearms, and produced
an eight part mini series starring many of those sad little actors whose names you never can remember.
Meanwhile, in the Cellar I was staring out the window in awe at all that was going on around me. I decided to go up to the bar because Fig was making more of his maltesers ice cream for people to enjoy during the quiz. There was a small group of people wondering what to do with the Saltire flag that they had just "borrowed" from the flag pole above Pitlochry of Scotland when a random man from the carribean walked in with bananas. he was trying to sell them, but these were no ordinary bananas because they were blue and covered with red spots and green stripes, which were used by the Ancient Greeks as a form of contraception. The banana seller offered them to me in return for 10 minutes in the bathroom with himself and 20 packets of walkers crisps (the ear free versions).
Meanwhile, back in gotham the city was enjoying an unseasonable warmth, which could only mean that the earth's gravity was failing, due to a large "hiccup" which was experienced after too much fizzy pop. the only way to stop gravity failing was to stage a national cracker-eating contest, strangely enough. However, moment before the contest was to start, who was to strut down the street to halt proceedings but Mr and Mr Ross. Infact, strutting is not right. Gayly dancing. Yes, Mr and Mrs Ross came gayly dancing along the street, handing out John's Gospels and proclaiming "for god did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him...John 3:17). On witnessing the attempted gravity-saving cracker eating, the couple burst into flames after drinking too much petrol but that left one question should the juice for the cracker competition be used to douse the flames on the screaming flamers or should it be drank by the particpants. after ten seconds the competitors decided on dousing the flames, as after all, there are still students to be saved, and who better for the job than Mrs Ross? However, after her ordeal, it appears that Mrs Ross is not quite herself and to the shock and amusement of observers she won the cracker competition! Thus, winning the 18 inch dildo which she started using right away on all those heathens that believe in evolution and sex before marriage. However, she was stopped by Bungle from Rainbow. Who then ran down the street with a large red apple which was possessed and therefore was made rector of St Andrews, something Clem tried to stop by eating the apple but he himself became possessed by the spirit of Margaret Thatcher.
Clement Freud, empowered by the evil spirit of Thatcher, proceeded to pass a bill within the university, meaning that all students would have to worship him as a god and walk on their hands every second sunday in the month when it coincided with a full moon. However, no one batted an eyelid because compared with some of the other St Andrews traditions this seemed quite tame. What no one knew though was that Clems' actions had disturbed the space time continuum, shifting days to a decimal system.
This wholesale destruction of the concept of sunday annoyed the great worm spirit, conveniantly recently risen from his eons of slumber. In a fit of somewhat fluffy vengance he attempted to call up a pack of killer butterflies, which ate all the hall food in Melville. Radioactively enhanced, they flew, rank and file, towards the Library but couldnt get in because they didnt have matric cards.
They retreated to the ashes of DRH, where they summoned thier master, commonly known to the student population as Derek (famed by Derek-watch) who with a sigh of releif, spread his Butterfly wings that had to be remained hidden until he was called upon. this day was going to forever be known as Tuesday. It seemed the butterflies might have lived happily ever after had it not been for the electronic Bug Zapper in Pizza connection which fried the lot of them into little cinders which were then given to Girls Aloud, who just happened to be passing. It made their singing curiously better which shook up the time space continium even more.
This led to George Bush handing over control of America to The Sinner. In appointing 'Admin' as President of the US, their first task was to revamp the look of the White House. He gave it an 'autumn theme,' but the press soon nicknamed it the 'Pink House.' This infuriated Gay rights groups feeling that pink, being their national colour and all, should only be used during their official functions. El presidente responded by jumping up and down on top of a big soap box, declaring that despite recent events, all national sheep shall be painted an obtuse shade of darkest lilac. This in turn shall incur the wrath of The Great Bacon and egg pizza, lone denizen of KFB (may its name be whispered in hoarse stutterings). With its great and mighty "not-quite-completly-cooked" albumin it shall crawl on its crust to the end of the world and buy pizzas from Empire instead. In Empire, Marco Biagi decided it was time to purchase a 10 incher and a bottle of coke.
As he left the shop he saw Derek McLeod who was quick to point out...I screwed you over during the election. So what are you going to do about it? Marco quickly responded by pulling a shotgun out and aiming it at Derek. Sadly, this was the very same gun that the Sinner crab had used, and the 'BANG' flag didn't fare much better against Derek. On seeing this, Derek laughed so hard that he gave birth to a sense of humour. Derek then went on to spread this humour in the West Port where one can always find people devoid of bogeys as they were brought up to be very precise nose pickers. the only thing they weren't trained at was...
how not to be seen without a pashmina. Unfortunately, they had to learn how to cope without them when Marco, Sal, and Clonion appeared at the Westport and stole all of the pashminas. The three hid their stash in...
[hr]...and there was much rejoicing.
...and there was much rejoicing.
-
Miss Maryland
- Posts: 367
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Re:
by Rrrr on Sat Dec 06, 2003 3:14 pm
The large bosom of a passing scientist. The man, intrigued by the material took it straight to the Haugh to analyse it. It turned out the wool was not that of the famed pashmina goat, but that of...
[hr]"If you see a seven foot goose with trainers and a shotgun, avoid it!"
[hr]"If you see a seven foot goose with trainers and a shotgun, avoid it!"
[b:7vpvjwv1]Splat![/b:7vpvjwv1]
-
Rrrr
- Posts: 841
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Re:
by Mr Comedy on Sat Dec 06, 2003 3:52 pm
The noted sinner crab, who unbeknown to many, used to be a hairy creature, who took to hiding in dark places. This bow of realism to the sinner crab, and the revealing of his hidden past, caused him to...
"I am in no way interested in immortality, but only in the taste of tea. " -Lu Tung
-
Mr Comedy
- Posts: 2922
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2003 5:43 pm
Re:
by Pender Native on Sat Dec 06, 2003 6:21 pm
suffer a nervous breakdown and start to walk forwards, instead of sideways as all self respecting crabs are supposed to. Even more horrified by the way his life was going he took to.....
"I have seen flowers come in stony places
And kind things done by men with ugly faces,
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races,
So I trust, too."
And kind things done by men with ugly faces,
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races,
So I trust, too."
-
Pender Native
- Posts: 689
- Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2002 5:46 pm
Re:
by Victoria on Sun Dec 07, 2003 7:30 pm
a bottle of Somerfield Spring Fresh concentrated fabric conditioner (a softer fresher wash) was spilt on Market Street, quickly turning into a pyroclastic flow and wiping out everything in its path.Until...
[hr]jesus loves u
[hr]jesus loves u
jesus loves u
-
Victoria
- Posts: 27
- Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:17 pm
Re:
by Pender Native on Sun Dec 07, 2003 11:16 pm
It was halted in a heroic effort by the first years, who used all their unread textbooks to block it's flow. Everyone celebrated by...
"I have seen flowers come in stony places
And kind things done by men with ugly faces,
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races,
So I trust, too."
And kind things done by men with ugly faces,
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races,
So I trust, too."
-
Pender Native
- Posts: 689
- Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2002 5:46 pm
Re:
by Rrrr on Sun Dec 07, 2003 11:23 pm
...toasting said first years at a gigantic bonfire party at Castle Sands, thus solving the accomodation crisis and...
[hr]"If you see a seven foot goose with trainers and a shotgun, avoid it!"
[hr]"If you see a seven foot goose with trainers and a shotgun, avoid it!"
[b:7vpvjwv1]Splat![/b:7vpvjwv1]
-
Rrrr
- Posts: 841
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Re:
by sheerbrillance on Mon Dec 08, 2003 1:44 pm
....might solve the current accomodation crisis. However, Ben sat in his office scheming as to how to rid the union of Nicola for not producing that much needed publicity. He smiled evily as ...
-
sheerbrillance
- Posts: 45
- Joined: Thu Feb 06, 2003 6:25 pm
Re:
by Pilmour Boy on Mon Dec 08, 2003 2:37 pm
However, in order to avoid being seen as a Fat Cat, he had ordered a Soviet-era cold war surplus model, which lacked the...
-
Pilmour Boy
- Posts: 1226
- Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2002 4:31 am
99 posts
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