I need some advice. There's a girl I like, I have no idea if she likes me but I don't know what to do.
Should I leave it and give it time to find out and let anything develop or do I speak to her about it and find out now whether I have any hope with her? I really don't know!
We're friends but she's a tough cookie to crack - difficult to read so I'm floundering a bit at the moment - any advice??
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Re:
by Aer on Sat Oct 25, 2003 8:55 am
heh, i can't believe im gonna post on a thread like this 
2 things you could do:
1) Do nowt. see how things pan out, then wince as she turns you down when you DO eventually ask her out... (drunkenly, of course, and part of her birthday celebrations*)
2) Alea Jacta Est. Carpe Jugulum. etc. You only live once. And if its meant to be, she'll say yes.
Of course, im preeeety sure that this thread should be in the advice forum maybe?
*Not that this has happened to me at all. EVER. i mean it :/
[hr]Always remember, no matter how drunk you are, that tomorrow you will be sober. and probably will have one biiiig hangover.
2 things you could do:
1) Do nowt. see how things pan out, then wince as she turns you down when you DO eventually ask her out... (drunkenly, of course, and part of her birthday celebrations*)
2) Alea Jacta Est. Carpe Jugulum. etc. You only live once. And if its meant to be, she'll say yes.
Of course, im preeeety sure that this thread should be in the advice forum maybe?
*Not that this has happened to me at all. EVER. i mean it :/
[hr]Always remember, no matter how drunk you are, that tomorrow you will be sober. and probably will have one biiiig hangover.
I can't believe your head exploded. You'll never be a doctor if your head explodes.
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Aer
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Re:
by Miss Maryland on Sat Oct 25, 2003 10:29 am
is she a good friend? what you could do is get a bit touchy feely after a night out at the pub, and if she recoils you have the excuse of being drunk.
[hr]...and there was much rejoicing.
[hr]...and there was much rejoicing.
...and there was much rejoicing.
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Miss Maryland
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Re:
by Pussycat on Sat Oct 25, 2003 10:36 am
[s]Miss Maryland wrote on 11:29, 25th Oct 2003:
is she a good friend? what you could do is get a bit touchy feely after a night out at the pub, and if she recoils you have the excuse of being drunk.
Though she'll probably just think your a sleazy git. If you are good friends, then it might work out alright if you tell her how you feel - but don't go overboard. However, don't be crushed if she wants to just be friends, be prepared for that outcome but hope for the other one
It depends how long you want to wait for as well, if you tell her and she initially says no it might just be cos she's a "tough cookie" and she may change her mind The rest, as they say, is up to you.
Edited because "hard cookie" sounded somewhat ridiculous.
is she a good friend? what you could do is get a bit touchy feely after a night out at the pub, and if she recoils you have the excuse of being drunk.
Though she'll probably just think your a sleazy git. If you are good friends, then it might work out alright if you tell her how you feel - but don't go overboard. However, don't be crushed if she wants to just be friends, be prepared for that outcome but hope for the other one
It depends how long you want to wait for as well, if you tell her and she initially says no it might just be cos she's a "tough cookie" and she may change her mind
The rest, as they say, is up to you.
Edited because "hard cookie" sounded somewhat ridiculous.
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Pussycat
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Re:
by Kibet on Sat Oct 25, 2003 10:58 am
here's the thing, this is all in general by the way
1) if you wait for the right moment then you will always be waiting
2) if you tell her of your undying love then she will run a mile or say "how sweet"
3) she will tell you about her boyfriends in the past and you will try and mould yourself to be not them (which is not a good idea)
what you should do is write down how you are going to tell her. if you mention feelings scrap that sentence it's not attractive. flirt with her in the sentence. since you know her you should know how much you can tease her.
then write down the 10 worst things that could happen if you tell her.
when you do tell her then you will find that your worst case scenario does not even come into the picture.
the sentence that has helped me is "fear of rejection is greater than rejection itself"
why can't most guys deal with rejection? it is because after they give it one try then they wait for ages before doing it again. use the same technique on 10 women and you may be rejected 10 times, use it on 100 women and you may get one positive response.
but what about the 99 other times? well put it as experience and if something disasterous happens then tell your friends and make a joke about it. you will find that laughter cures any humiliation.
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us. for women it's harder.
1) if you wait for the right moment then you will always be waiting
2) if you tell her of your undying love then she will run a mile or say "how sweet"
3) she will tell you about her boyfriends in the past and you will try and mould yourself to be not them (which is not a good idea)
what you should do is write down how you are going to tell her. if you mention feelings scrap that sentence it's not attractive. flirt with her in the sentence. since you know her you should know how much you can tease her.
then write down the 10 worst things that could happen if you tell her.
when you do tell her then you will find that your worst case scenario does not even come into the picture.
the sentence that has helped me is "fear of rejection is greater than rejection itself"
why can't most guys deal with rejection? it is because after they give it one try then they wait for ages before doing it again. use the same technique on 10 women and you may be rejected 10 times, use it on 100 women and you may get one positive response.
but what about the 99 other times? well put it as experience and if something disasterous happens then tell your friends and make a joke about it. you will find that laughter cures any humiliation.
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us. for women it's harder.
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Kibet
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Re:
by Orphax on Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:04 am
[s]Kibet wrote on 11:58, 25th Oct 2003:
what you should do is write down how you are going to tell her. if you mention feelings scrap that sentence it's not attractive. flirt with her in the sentence. since you know her you should know how much you can tease her.
It's not a movie script. It'd probably be best to be yourself, do things genuinely rather than robotically.
Even if you mix up your words etc, it shouldn't make a difference on whether the friend says yes or no, but a decent 'rejector' will still be perfectly decent about it. I think.
what you should do is write down how you are going to tell her. if you mention feelings scrap that sentence it's not attractive. flirt with her in the sentence. since you know her you should know how much you can tease her.
It's not a movie script. It'd probably be best to be yourself, do things genuinely rather than robotically.
Even if you mix up your words etc, it shouldn't make a difference on whether the friend says yes or no, but a decent 'rejector' will still be perfectly decent about it. I think.
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Orphax
Re:
by Kibet on Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:42 am
[s]Orphax wrote on 12:04, 25th Oct 2003:
It's not a movie script. It'd probably be best to be yourself, do things genuinely rather than robotically.
Even if you mix up your words etc, it shouldn't make a difference.
Failure to prepare is preparation for failure. heed those words my friend. you do not follow it word for word or i would have given him a line to use. there is no line only techniques.
a girl is less likely to go for someone that gibbers a sentence than one that says a complete sentence without being tongue tied
It's not a movie script. It'd probably be best to be yourself, do things genuinely rather than robotically.
Even if you mix up your words etc, it shouldn't make a difference.
Failure to prepare is preparation for failure. heed those words my friend. you do not follow it word for word or i would have given him a line to use. there is no line only techniques.
a girl is less likely to go for someone that gibbers a sentence than one that says a complete sentence without being tongue tied
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Kibet
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Re:
by Pussycat on Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:57 am
[s]Kibet wrote on 12:42, 25th Oct 2003:
a girl is less likely to go for someone that gibbers a sentence than one that says a complete sentence without being tongue tied
Actually someone who gibbers a little is more likely to come across as sincere and genuinely sweet. If a guy is too smooth then the girl may be suspicious as to how many girls have sat in her place before.
Being genuine is definitley the way to go, it's easy to tell when something has been rehearsed and it may give the wrong impression.
a girl is less likely to go for someone that gibbers a sentence than one that says a complete sentence without being tongue tied
Actually someone who gibbers a little is more likely to come across as sincere and genuinely sweet. If a guy is too smooth then the girl may be suspicious as to how many girls have sat in her place before.
Being genuine is definitley the way to go, it's easy to tell when something has been rehearsed and it may give the wrong impression.
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Pussycat
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Re:
by underworlddreams on Sat Oct 25, 2003 12:04 pm
[s]Kibet wrote on 11:58, 25th Oct 2003:
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us. for women it's harder.
I don't follow. How is that?
[hr]
It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking / So it helps to have a mirror in the room...
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us. for women it's harder.
I don't follow. How is that?
[hr]
It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking / So it helps to have a mirror in the room...
-
underworlddreams
Re:
by Mr Comedy on Sat Oct 25, 2003 12:17 pm
As I see it there are two possible outcomes:
The first is that you get to know her much better, and value her as a friend. Eventually you become best friends, and then you don't really think you could ask her out as you may damage a valuable friendship. Eventually she comes to you saying thats she's "met the perfect guy". Why trying to feel pleased for her, you actually want to crawl into a hole and die.
The second is that you go for it. Don't worry about a rehearsed script, but just take your opportunity and go for it. The worst that could happen is that she says no, then the whole scenario is over much quicker.
However, you've already made your choice. Your just here to understand why you made it.
The first is that you get to know her much better, and value her as a friend. Eventually you become best friends, and then you don't really think you could ask her out as you may damage a valuable friendship. Eventually she comes to you saying thats she's "met the perfect guy". Why trying to feel pleased for her, you actually want to crawl into a hole and die.
The second is that you go for it. Don't worry about a rehearsed script, but just take your opportunity and go for it. The worst that could happen is that she says no, then the whole scenario is over much quicker.
However, you've already made your choice. Your just here to understand why you made it.
"I am in no way interested in immortality, but only in the taste of tea. " -Lu Tung
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Mr Comedy
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Re:
by Pussycat on Sat Oct 25, 2003 6:40 pm
[s]underworlddreams wrote on 13:04, 25th Oct 2003:
[s]Kibet wrote on 11:58, 25th Oct 2003:[i]
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us. for women it's harder.
I don't follow. How is that?
[/i]
Yeah that is a bizzare statement to make.
[s]Kibet wrote on 11:58, 25th Oct 2003:[i]
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us. for women it's harder.
I don't follow. How is that?
[/i]
Yeah that is a bizzare statement to make.
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Pussycat
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- Joined: Thu Nov 28, 2002 8:36 pm
Re:
by yawn on Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:25 pm
Being genuine is certainly the right approach. If you are not comfortable talking to her and being yourself then maybe you don't think the genuine you is nice/good enough to attract people (not getting at the original poster just the people with the attitude that it is better to rehearse your "lines").
And as for being knocked back by 99 girls out of a hundred - that could be mor to do with the fact that you've asked so many girls! A lot of guys in serious relationships have often never asked someone out before - they were waiting for the/a right person to come along, one they could be themselves with.
And as for being knocked back by 99 girls out of a hundred - that could be mor to do with the fact that you've asked so many girls! A lot of guys in serious relationships have often never asked someone out before - they were waiting for the/a right person to come along, one they could be themselves with.
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yawn
Re:
by ane on Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:53 pm
first of all, find out if she has a boyfriend, although if you have known her for some time you probably know she doesn't. now, I'm not a big fan of men saying it directly because it can be very awkward, even if you like the guy it's not something one can talk about easily. Of course it depends, but rather than explaining you like/love her I would prefer to go about it indirectly, see if she wants to meet you alone, see what she does when you buy her drinks, hug her, text her, call her etc..
If she is not too naive and you are not too shy she might even know already, so in my experience the best thing to do is approach her little by little without saying anything explicitly, for example when you are drunk you can tell her she looks beautiful and see how she reacts, dance with her, touch her (in a gentemanly and casual way, of course) and see what she does. I suppose she will notice and if she doesn't like it she'll make you understand.
So I would do things to let her know you like her and think about her, but not put too much pressure on her as this can be awkward if she only wants to be friends.
Another thing I want to add is the "let's be friends" sentence, when I say it usually I really mean it, and I hate it when guys don't take it seriously, when they lose complete interest just because you don't want to go out with them. If you like her as a person be prepared to accept she doesn't want a relationship. I know it's hard, but so far you don't know, maybe she likes you back?
If she is not too naive and you are not too shy she might even know already, so in my experience the best thing to do is approach her little by little without saying anything explicitly, for example when you are drunk you can tell her she looks beautiful and see how she reacts, dance with her, touch her (in a gentemanly and casual way, of course) and see what she does. I suppose she will notice and if she doesn't like it she'll make you understand.
So I would do things to let her know you like her and think about her, but not put too much pressure on her as this can be awkward if she only wants to be friends.
Another thing I want to add is the "let's be friends" sentence, when I say it usually I really mean it, and I hate it when guys don't take it seriously, when they lose complete interest just because you don't want to go out with them. If you like her as a person be prepared to accept she doesn't want a relationship. I know it's hard, but so far you don't know, maybe she likes you back?
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ane
Re:
by Kibet on Sun Oct 26, 2003 10:10 am
[s]underworlddreams wrote on 13:04, 25th Oct 2003:
[s]Kibet wrote on 11:58, 25th Oct 2003:[i]
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us. for women it's harder.
I don't follow. How is that?
[hr]
It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking / So it helps to have a mirror in the room...
[/i]
quite simply, Most guys have the ability to change their personality
[s]Kibet wrote on 11:58, 25th Oct 2003:[i]
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us. for women it's harder.
I don't follow. How is that?
[hr]
It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking / So it helps to have a mirror in the room...
[/i]
quite simply, Most guys have the ability to change their personality
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Kibet
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Re:
by underworlddreams on Sun Oct 26, 2003 1:07 pm
[s]Kibet wrote on 10:10, 26th Oct 2003:
quite simply, Most guys have the ability to change their personality
I'm just gonna sit back and watch now, coz I get the feeling you're gonna get such a flaming...
[hr]
It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking / So it helps to have a mirror in the room...
quite simply, Most guys have the ability to change their personality
I'm just gonna sit back and watch now, coz I get the feeling you're gonna get such a flaming...
[hr]
It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking / So it helps to have a mirror in the room...
-
underworlddreams
Re:
by Pussycat on Sun Oct 26, 2003 1:14 pm
[s]Kibet wrote on 10:10, 26th Oct 2003:
quite simply, Most guys have the ability to change their personality
Again, that is a bizzare statement to make. Anyone who feels like they have to change their personality to attract a girl is more than a little off. The same could be said for women who do the same to attract guys. Because of course both could do it, but maybe there are just more sleazy guys who pretend to be something they're not.
I say "some" - obviously I don't want to make a sweeping generalisation
quite simply, Most guys have the ability to change their personality
Again, that is a bizzare statement to make. Anyone who feels like they have to change their personality to attract a girl is more than a little off. The same could be said for women who do the same to attract guys. Because of course both could do it, but maybe there are just more sleazy guys who pretend to be something they're not.
I say "some" - obviously I don't want to make a sweeping generalisation
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Pussycat
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Re:
by Anon. on Sun Oct 26, 2003 4:06 pm
[s]Kibet wrote on 11:58, 25th Oct 2003:
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us.
If a bloke is attractive, he can counter that by being a complete bastard. If a girl is attractive, she'll still be attractive even if she's a total cow.
Maybe.
guys have it easy as we can control womens attraction to us.
If a bloke is attractive, he can counter that by being a complete bastard. If a girl is attractive, she'll still be attractive even if she's a total cow.
Maybe.
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Anon.
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