Single life sucks

[JJ]

And so it should! The bad news is, married life has (apparently) less sucking involved.





I do apologise - I thought someone else would beat me to this simple but crass pun.

[LeopardSkinQueen]

[s]Al wrote on 17:44, 30th Sep 2002:
Hello, good evening and welcome to tonight's edition of "How to Make Sweeping Generalisations!" Our guest tonight is LeopardSkinQueen....



Fuck you. If you could actually read I said 'every one I've ever met'. There could be some who aren't, but in my experience it isn't the case.
Personally, I'm sick of having guys (and one in particular) moaning about why they pick totally unsuitable girls, when they have picked them for the most shallow of reasons. And its hardly as if there hasn't been any generalisation of women going on.


[hr]
The philosopher Didactylos has summed up an alternative hypothesis as 'Things just happen. What the hell.'

[Al]

My, my, aren't we touchy! I did read your post. Otherwise I wouldn't have known you were making sweeping generalisations, would I? And, I am sorry to have to point it out, labelling every male you have ever met as "shallow" is a sweeping generalisation.

[hr]All this is a dream. Still, examine it with a few experiments.

[CarolynSD]

This post has been deleted.

[Guest]

[s]LeopardSkinQueen wrote on 15:52, 30th Sep 2002:
There's also the fact that every 'nice' guy I've ever met, who claim they just want a nice normal girl who 'understands' them, really doesn't pay any attention to personality. All men are shallow: at least, every one that I've met.

Do you have a boyfriend? And if so, do you think of him as a 'nice' guy? Do you think of him as shallow?

[sarahbeth]

Um, where do I start? Girls don't always want the "nice guy". That doesn't mean we don't want the guys we go out with to be nice. You have to be charming. Okay, how do I explain this? First off I'd like to say that in college, most people just want to have fun. I know I don't want to be tied down in a "serious relationship" at 20 years old. Who wants all that drama? I want to see what's out there before I worry about "the one". If you are too nice and not charming, then a girl will not see you as interesting. What do I mean by charming? Glad you asked. For me, a guy should make me laugh, flatter me (I'm not talking about having to give me compliments 24/7 to keep my self esteem high), and make me feel like he can be with a million other girls (note the word *feel*, don't actually be with a million other girls). People want what they think they cannot have. Have some confidence without acting conceded. So your nice. But are you creative, adventurous, exciting? Oh, and don't complain about never finding a girlfriend. Who likes to hear about your problems? I hope this helps. Remember that you have to wait for love. If you rush to be with the first girl you set your eyes on, you might miss the girl who drives you wild. Enjoy yourself and relationships will just happen.

[LeopardSkinQueen]

[s]Unregisted User wrote on 13:09, 1st Oct 2002:
[s]LeopardSkinQueen wrote on 15:52, 30th Sep 2002:[i]
There's also the fact that every 'nice' guy I've ever met, who claim they just want a nice normal girl who 'understands' them, really doesn't pay any attention to personality. All men are shallow: at least, every one that I've met.

Do you have a boyfriend? And if so, do you think of him as a 'nice' guy? Do you think of him as shallow?
[/i]

And what makes you presume that you know everything about my sexuality?

[hr]
The philosopher Didactylos has summed up an alternative hypothesis as 'Things just happen. What the hell.'

[Thackary]

Perhaps that fact that the majority of people are straight.

You also make a cras generalisation about every boy you've ever met just wanting to a nice girl. Surely some of the men you've met were gay?

[Saki]

Surely the whole point is that any statement made about "men" and "women" by dividing the world into two types of people is a generalisation. That's what I objected to in Fugaziboy's first post & what I object to in some of the ones that have followed.

The only generalisation about people that I think is really worth making is that you should realise that everyone's different. Looking for "a nice girl" or "a nice guy" is doomed to failure because people aren't just a catagory. They're people.

[The_Farwall]

[s]Saki wrote on 18:16, 2nd Oct 2002:
Looking for "a nice girl" or "a nice guy" is doomed to failure because people aren't just a catagory. They're people.


Yes, they are people. Some of them are girls, some of them are guys (and some are slightly harder to pin down). Some of them you will think are nice, some you won't. Finding "a nice girl" or "a nice guy" is incredibly simple.

[hr]
"It's a sunrise and a sunset
from a cradle to a casket,
there is no way to escape."
- Bright Eyes "Sunrise, sunset"

[Guest]

[s]LeopardSkinQueen wrote on 16:09, 2nd Oct 2002:
And what makes you presume that you know everything about my sexuality?


I wasn't presuming anything, you could say no I have a girlfriend or I perfer women. So if you do like men, my questions still stand.

Do you have a boyfriend? And if so, do you think of him as a 'nice' guy? Do you think of him as shallow?

The reason I am asking is that you seem very anti-male.

[Fugaziboy]

What is it with you girls that makes you think that entering a relationship, is tying you down? Goddamit, its about two people who love each other and I don't see what the problem is! Of course the 'brilliant' alternative is to get drunk, go to the bop, pull and have a one night stand. And thats all because none of you want to make a bit of effort in an relationship. I hate that stupid random pulling mentality, and I think its sad and shallow. I feel sorry for you people who have been brainwashed into that stupid mentality. And to leopardskinqueen, I AM NOT SHALLOW. Believe what you want but sex isn't terribly important to me. If anyone is looking for a one night stand keep the hell away from me! I am after a long term commited relationship with someone who has honesty, integrity, and loyalty. I am sorry that you might think of me as an bitter prick, but all I'm doing is speaking from the heart or something not a lot of you people would be able to comprehend: THE TRUTH.

[Fugaziboy]

Sorry for my angry outburst, but yes I am truley fustrated and pissed off with being shat upon all the time.

[Al]

I really think you should consider more carefully what you are planning to write before committing it to these boards. You appear bitter and twisted, and I am sure that is not your intention. For example,

"Of course the 'brilliant' alternative is to get drunk, go to the bop, pull and have a one night stand. And thats all because none of you want to make a bit of effort in an relationship. I hate that stupid random pulling mentality, and I think its sad and shallow. I feel sorry for you people who have been brainwashed into that stupid mentality.

Just because people have a different set of values to you does not make their values of any less worth. People could just as easily say that you have been brainwashed into seeking a long-term relationship. There's nothing wrong with that of course, but many people might see this as slightly off-putting. Especially as you don't seem willing to wait to let a relationship develop naturally. With you, it appears to be all or nothing. And the people whose behaviour you criticise are doing something very normal and, dare I say it, important. It's called having fun.

[hr]All this is a dream. Still, examine it with a few experiments.

[Fugaziboy]

Right I see, so you consider people who act promiscious and drink as having values? You know what, if that's people ideas of 'values' then I pity our generation for what it has become. You say I'm judging people? Well they are just as likley to be judging me. So let me get this straight, the only way a person can have fun is by random shagging and drinking? That is unfortunatly most people's defination of having fun. But not mine, but I concede, fair enough, each to their own I suppose.

[sarahbeth]

You asked a question. Other's gave you their answers. What are you getting so pissed off about? You want the truth? The fact of the matter is that not all girls want to have a serious relationship so early in life. Some people actually want to be single. That doesn't mean they have one night stands. I can't speak for everyone on this one, but I have NEVER had a one night stand. And yes, I'm one of those girls who think about relationships as being tied down. Perhaps it's because every boyfriend I've ever had has tried to control me in one way or another. But on the same note, I don't think all men are like that. If you ask another question, don't get mad with the answers you get. With a temper like that, no wonder you can't find a girlfriend. You don't sound very "nice" to me. So, good luck on finding your soul mate.

[Sebastian]

Al doesn't seem to be saying, as you presume, that people only have fun by shagging, but that it is one way people enjoy themselves. However, you do seem to presume that people can only be happy when in a long term monogamous relationship. Just because someone wants to have sex without being in love does not make them shallow. However, perhaps posting on a message board bemoaning your lack of a girlfriend, and then criticising women for their bad qualities is?. Poll anyone?

[Fugaziboy]

You say guys are controlling or at least
the guys you were with were. What I'm saying is that although I want a normal long term relationship, I wouldn't ever do that to anyone, at least if I did it would be unintentional. In the relationships I've been in before (especially the last one) the girl/s I've been with never told me what they feel, or in this last relationship at least she shut me out, and then dumped me because 'I was too nice' or because 'I deserved better' the same old excuses. I loved her so much and would have done anything for her. When she shut me out and eventually dumped me you have no idea how fustrating and distressing it was. This was a girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. After she dumped me I even quit the university for a while because I felt so devastating. I'm 23 and want a girl I can trust? I don't see why people can't understand that. All the relationships I've been in I've never had any control (or at least that's how it felt), because I am quite sensitive when it comes to stuff like this and things like this really screw with my head in a BIG way which I know is a bad thing but hey that's the way I am. So if you see me getting pissed off in the message boards, please understand that there is method in the madness

[Al]

You seem to have an extremely black and white view of the world, Fugaziboy. It appears that you believe that you are right in everything you do and say, and everything everyone else does is wrong. How comforting it must be to have such clarity of vision!

"Right I see, so you consider people who act promiscious and drink as having values?"

Yes, I do. Unless I have evidence to make me consider otherwise.

"You say I'm judging people?"

No, I didn't. But everything you have written on the subject would indicate that you are........

"So let me get this straight, the only way a person can have fun is by random shagging and drinking?"

Not the only way. But it is one way.

[hr]All this is a dream. Still, examine it with a few experiments.

[rancho relaxo]

Here are my thoughts, probably misguided, but oh well...

a few people have mentioned something along these lines, but no one has come out and said that a girl (or guy for that matter) ending a relationship with "you're too nice" usually has nothing to do with you actually being *too* nice, and everything to do with them being cowards...not bluntly telling you the real reason/reasons for the dumping, which usually amount to them just not fancying you anymore. For "you're too nice" you could easily insert any of the old standards:

-I'm not really ready for a commitment.
-I just don't know what I want right now.
-I need some space to find myself.
...and the old standby...
-It's not you, it's me.

People grow apart and figure out that they want different things, especially as they move through their 20's. It's not specifically anyone's fault, but someone has to be the one to end it. Instead of being blunt and insensitive, most people would rather say something like "you're too nice for me". It's not exactly a lie, and it's not exactly the whole truth, but it's much easier to say than "I just don't like you anymore."