Single life sucks

[Fugaziboy]

Can I ask all you girls out there something?

What is it you truley look for in a guy? I got dumped a year ago in October and haven't been with anyone since. I am quite a sensitive, prehaps too emotional guy. My ex told me I was too nice and I just don't get it. I am quite old-fashioned I guess when it comes to relationships. I try to be a gentleman and treat you girls with respect but always get rejected or hurt for some reason. I've been single for nearly a year now and its driving me nuts. I'm not into that whole one-night stand thing like most of the assholes in this town. What is wrong with people in St. Andrews? Why does no-one want serious commitment or take relationships seriously? Its soooo fustrating.

Anyway I'd appreciate any feedback,

Thanks.

[The_Farwall]

What is it with girls and the "You're too nice" excuse? Should I insult you more or would you prefer to be beaten?
I can't help but thinking it's just a way of saying "You're not butch enough for me" without them actually having to have to guts to say that.
Just a hint to the girls, "You're too nice" isn't a relationship stopper, it's a compliment.

[hr]"Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it."
- Philip K. Dick

"America is like a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top."
- Charlie King

[LeopardSkinQueen]

Just be yourself.

Whats the point in going out with someone if you are acting in a way which is just to attract them- wouldn't you rather they saw the real you?

[hr]The philosopher Didactylos has summed up an alternative hypothesis as 'Things just happen. What the hell.'

[The_Farwall]

I've been myself for the past 22 years. Apparently none of the women folk like me. Anyway, I was just after an explanation of the "you're too nice" thing, seeing as I really can't get my head round it.

[hr]"Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it."
- Philip K. Dick

[LeopardSkinQueen]

Well, I'm not guilty of that, I have to say.

Btw, thanks for the Pratchett books. Some ended up with me. They have made me smile. And I also don't get it.

[hr]The philosopher Didactylos has summed up an alternative hypothesis as 'Things just happen. What the hell.'

[Saint Sal]

I've no idea why girls use the 'you're too nice' line. Who wants to go out with a complete bastard who will treat you like something to be used and then discarded? There is no point really. Nice men are far superior to their bastardly cousins, but there seems to be this culture of women liking the 'bad' boy. There are girls who like nice men out there. They do exist.

[hr]It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever

[Frida's Friend]

[s]Fugaziboy wrote on 22:58, 26th Sep 2002:
Can I ask all you girls out there something?

What is it you truley look for in a guy? I got dumped a year ago in October and haven't been with anyone since. I am quite a sensitive, prehaps too emotional guy. My ex told me I was too nice and I just don't get it. I am quite old-fashioned I guess when it comes to relationships. I try to be a gentleman and treat you girls with respect but always get rejected or hurt for some reason. I've been single for nearly a year now and its driving me nuts. I'm not into that whole one-night stand thing like most of the assholes in this town. What is wrong with people in St. Andrews? Why does no-one want serious commitment or take relationships seriously? Its soooo fustrating.

There are a lot of women out there and there a lot of opinions and preferences. I myself like a nice guy. However I realised, quite recently in fact that I actually am scared of the whole relationship idea and have watched far too many films of what love should be to decide what I personally want from a bloke. In fact I like the whole build up to the coupledom factor. It always seems more interesting because you don't get the whole comfotable thing happening. I like antsy and anxiousness. But like I said I am not the voice of a miriad of women. Just be yourself and then you won't mislead.
Also another sad but true fact is that you always find some hot shit boy or girl with a complete disgusting or polar opposite partner. Not to be horrible or anything but it's true.
So I know that this hasn't helped you any but at least someone read your thread!!!
Sorry!!!!

[random girl]

What girls say is generally not what they mean. "You're too nice" doesn't mean "you're too nice" it means "you're not exciting/challenging enough for me". The solution is not to change yourself or try to work out "what women want" but to find someone who wants YOU. It'll happen. Just don't try too hard & don't look too far into the future. Find someone whom you like talking to, talk to them, enjoy their company & see where it goes. You don't have to look for a serious relationship, you can just talk to /kiss/sleep with people when it feels right & carry on doing so as long as it feels right.

[natasha]

just hang in there, mate. true love is somewhere, probs not in st andrews tho. just think about all the bad times you had with your ex and then think that she was a complete bitch and your probably better off without her and that she probably has about much intelligence as a golf ball. this is my top tip for getting over exes. just imagine the worst sex you ever had with her and thank god you dont have to go through that again.

[Gullable Fool]

Whenever I've said, "You're too nice", its always meant, "You're too serious about me, you're too nice TOO ME, and it freaks me out, I don't want you to be dependent on me when I don't return it". But then, this could be that I'm a bitch, and have no bearing whatsoever on the general female point of view. Also, I know that comes out as a rant, but its that the feeling is hard to express.

That aside, you sound like such a nice guy (not just based on that post, I've always thought that), maybe you've not found someone cos you don't really want someone serious? I don't know, but maybe its that you haven't wanted anyone specific, just wanted a relationship? Hark at me with my amateur psychology! Sorry. That's not meant to be patronising, or grating, or nasty in any way. : )

[rae]

When I use the "you're too nice" line, it means that I want a guy who will stand up to me if he disagrees. There's nothing less appealing than a guy who is a doormat.

I hear you on the single life thing. All the guys I've met here are gay/married/involved/freshers. I think the stat that 1 in 3 students ends up marrying another St Andrews student must be made up.

[TheGamesMaster]

Perhaps the uni should do a degree in understanding women. Suppose the only prob with that, it would take too long to finish the degree!

[wookiee]

Understand women?! Are you nuts? I have a theory about why men die. We all die at the instant we understand women - the shock is just too much. So obviously, women are getting more confusing because life expectancies are on the increase. Obviously...

After reading that last bit, I can kinda see why I'm single... Oh yeah, and I agree with the single life sucking thing. I just can't seem to meet enough interesting women who don't see me "as a friend". I have a remarkable number of female friends. Any other "nice guys" have this "problem"?

[LeopardSkinQueen]

[s]wookiee wrote on 10:28, 27th Sep 2002:
Understand women?! Are you nuts? I have a theory about why men die. We all die at the instant we understand women - the shock is just too much. So obviously, women are getting more confusing because life expectancies are on the increase. Obviously...





And this isn't reciprocal in any way, of course...


[hr]
The philosopher Didactylos has summed up an alternative hypothesis as 'Things just happen. What the hell.'

[Fugaziboy]

Thanks to all you girls (and guys) for replying on my thread, it was very much appreciated. I have always been into serious relationships. When my last relationship ended it sort of left me with a bad taste in my mouth concerning women. At the moment I don't even try and have much to do with women as I just end up getting my heart broken. I just talk to friends, do my own thing, and in no way come across as needy or whatever. I just want a normal girlfriend, but I think there's more chance on walking on water than finding someone decent in St Andrews. Rant over.

[LeopardSkinQueen]

[s]Fugaziboy wrote on 12:30, 27th Sep 2002:
I just want a normal girlfriend, but I think there's more chance on walking on water than finding someone decent in St Andrews. Rant over.


And why do you think that, pray?

Is this some horrible insult against all the females in St Andrews?


[hr]
The philosopher Didactylos has summed up an alternative hypothesis as 'Things just happen. What the hell.'

[Saki]

[s]LeopardSkinQueen wrote on 12:50, 27th Sep 2002:
[s]Fugaziboy wrote on 12:30, 27th Sep 2002:[i]
I just want a normal girlfriend, but I think there's more chance on walking on water than finding someone decent in St Andrews. Rant over.



Perhaps your problem is that you're looking for a "normal girlfriend" or a "serious relationship" rather than a particular person. It's not a good idea to want someone for what they can be for you, you should want someone for who they are.

[Fugaziboy]

I accept people for who they are, I'm a pretty reasonable person. If you actually met me you'd agree. I don't expect people to be perfect or anything, I just feel that once you make that commitment to someone, you should stick by them. Obviously if the relationship is abusive or the guy is a prick then fair enough. But I am certainly not like that, I'm just a nice guy who is after commitment and a bit of honesty, and what is wrong with that? Most girls slag off guys for being arrogant or sleazy, yet they critize the decent ones for being too nice! Its bullshit. Nice guys certainley do finish last!

[TheGamesMaster]

Yea that sounds about right, women who would have them? (And no I am not gay)

[Aureliano]

[s]wookiee wrote on 10:28, 27th Sep 2002:
I just can't seem to meet enough interesting women who don't see me "as a friend". I have a remarkable number of female friends. Any other "nice guys" have this "problem"?


I've been dealing with this situation for practically my entire life. About 5 years back I was living abroad and the ratio of girls to guys in my class was even more ridiculous than it is here… somewhere around 20:1.
I’ve lived in various places, so I now have an amazing number of intelligent and beautiful female friends, all of whom are involved/not interested for some reason.

But in retrospect, as someone who has never really dated or had a relationship, on the whole I’m quite satisfied with where I am relationship-wise. If I have to typecast my life into a few silly words, I’m the sweet geeky momma’s boy who grew into a well-balanced individual. As a member of this group, I just want to point out that being single definitely has its advantages.
I can identify though with what Frida’s Friend said about seeing love and relationships epitomized on the big screen. At times I can be a very quiet guy and a good listener, so I have come to understand some of the aforementioned female friends without actually opening my mouth that often. Unfortunately this has led me to realise that there’s not that much in common beyond friendship with numerous crushes after all. Also despite my optimistic disposition and lack of emotional baggage and scarring relationships, I sometimes have to ask myself what exactly I’m looking for due to romanticized love in movies and angst teen soap.

Because I’m not in a hurry I don’t know whether I should brave the waters and really try to find someone or just wait for true love to fall into my lap.

My advice for the day is to enjoy single life while you can … although it would be nice to have someone who could make the upcoming cold months a little warm and cosier.
Eh?