by wyrd on Sat Dec 07, 2002 7:03 am
puzzled wrote:
"Er not sure on that one, what about divorce (often harmful on the children),"
um, am I the only child of divorced parents who finds that particular example just a little bit pointless/wrong? Divorce in itself is not harmful - my parents' divorce was basically the end (or at the very least, hope of parole) from the hell/uncertainty/limbo both they and my brother and I had lived in through their various separations/reconciliations (between 1987 when I was 6 and my brother was 5, and August 2000 when we were 19 and 17 respectively). Sure, the way they handled it may have been 'harmful' - it was particularly nasty the way they kept trying to make things work 'for the sake of the kids' then separating, then getting back together, and so on. The worst part was how long they managed to *put off* the divorce - the way they managed to sustain over a decade of arguments, fights, and both parties trying to get my brother and I 100% on their side (and blame the other one for anything that went wrong, ever) got a little messy. I'm sure you can imagine. But it wasn't 'divorce' (blamed for so much, isn't it?) that was the problem. It was the complete lack of one. Even if they had divorced earlier I imagine it would be the things I mentioned above which would have had an impact on my childhood either way, rather than "oh my god, suddenly my parents aren't married (!)". Just a thought.
So in what way is divorce "often" harmful to children? Rather than all those factors which *can* *cause* divorce (but, believe me, can also go for a very long time without doing so).
Sorry, I know it's off the topic of the thread, I'd just rather people would think about examples like this, which are cliches, of course, but nonetheless generally seem to be assumed to be true for no spectacularly good reason. Overly emotional drunken rant over.