Least Favourite Poem/Worst Poem

[angel_kohaku]

Ok, everyone's having fun being all prentetious on the "favourite poem" thread, so I started this, because it is more fun.

I have a special hatred reserved for Seamus Heaney because he ruined AH english for me, but this has to be the worst poem ever written. I mean come ON! I write better poems when I'm bashing my head off the keyboard.


The Loch Ness Monster's Song by Edwin Morgan

Sssnnnwhuffffll?
Hnwhuffl hhnnwfl hnfl hfl?
Gdroblboblhobngbl gbl gl g g g g glbgl.
Drublhaflablhaflubhafgabhaflhafl fl fl -
gm grawwwww grf grawf awfgm graw gm.
Hovoplodok - doplodovok - plovodokot - doplodokosh?
Splgraw fok fok splgrafhatchgabrlgabrl fok splfok!
Zgra kra gka fok!
Grof grawff gahf?
Gombl mbl bl -
blm plm,
blm plm,
blm plm,
blp


If anyone can come up with a reason that this is NOT shit I'd like to hear it.

[hr]

I may be a pretty sad case but I don't write jokes in base 13

[flarewearer]

Quoting angel_kohaku from 13:27, 13th Feb 2007
I mean come ON! I write better poems when I'm bashing my head off the keyboard.

Yes, but you didn't get it published!

[hr]

[angel_kohaku]

Quoting flarewearer from 13:30, 13th Feb 2007

Quoting angel_kohaku from 13:27, 13th Feb 2007
I mean come ON! I write better poems when I'm bashing my head off the keyboard.

Yes, but you didn't get it published!

[hr]

Yes, that's the brilliance of it. Sadly.

[hr]

I may be a pretty sad case but I don't write jokes in base 13

[Frank]

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm schizophrenic,
And so am I.

Well, it's actually one of my favourite ones (3 years ago this very day I used it to great success on a night out), but in terms of actual poetry and (medical) genius, it's pretty dire. I mean, it talks of schizophrenia, but obviously means multiple personality disorder! Wtf?

No idea who first wrote it...

[hr]

"There is only ever one truth. Things are always black or white, there's no such thing as a shade of grey. If you think that something is a shade of grey it simply means that you don't fully understand the situation. The truth is narrow and the path of the pursuit of truth is similarly narrow."

[AlenWatters]

Quoting angel_kohaku from 13:27, 13th Feb 2007
Ok, everyone's having fun being all prentetious on the "favourite poem" thread, so I started this, because it is more fun.

I have a special hatred reserved for Seamus Heaney because he ruined AH english for me, but this has to be the worst poem ever written. I mean come ON! I write better poems when I'm bashing my head off the keyboard.


The Loch Ness Monster's Song by Edwin Morgan

Sssnnnwhuffffll?
Hnwhuffl hhnnwfl hnfl hfl?
Gdroblboblhobngbl gbl gl g g g g glbgl.
Drublhaflablhaflubhafgabhaflhafl fl fl -
gm grawwwww grf grawf awfgm graw gm.
Hovoplodok - doplodovok - plovodokot - doplodokosh?
Splgraw fok fok splgrafhatchgabrlgabrl fok splfok!
Zgra kra gka fok!
Grof grawff gahf?
Gombl mbl bl -
blm plm,
blm plm,
blm plm,
blp


If anyone can come up with a reason that this is NOT shit I'd like to hear it.

[hr]

I may be a pretty sad case but I don't write jokes in base 13

If I remember from studying Morgan in AH English, he wrote poems like that, A Computers First Christmas Card and The Hungarian Snake's Siesta at a time in the 60's when he was trying to bust poetry out of a cosy little idyll. If you look closely, some of the words look vaguely Slavic - languages which Morgan was interested in, and I think translated from into English.

He also wrote Science Fiction poems, which are equally as baffling, but yes, they did get published, so someone must think they had some value. The fact that he wrote many ace poems as well I think means that we can let Eddie away with this instance of pish.

[hr]

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~snpsoc/

[ClaireyMoo]

Sorry, I don't have a poem, but I just have to say that Seamus Heaney ruined AH english for me too! I ended up with the impression that he was obsessed with "the troubles" and his father. I can now never look at another Seamus Heaney poem for as long as I live.
Just shows how being forced to look at literature in school can ruin it for you.

Quoting angel_kohaku from 13:27, 13th Feb 2007
Ok, everyone's having fun being all prentetious on the "favourite poem" thread, so I started this, because it is more fun.

I have a special hatred reserved for Seamus Heaney because he ruined AH english for me, but this has to be the worst poem ever written. I mean come ON! I write better poems when I'm bashing my head off the keyboard.


The Loch Ness Monster's Song by Edwin Morgan

Sssnnnwhuffffll?
Hnwhuffl hhnnwfl hnfl hfl?
Gdroblboblhobngbl gbl gl g g g g glbgl.
Drublhaflablhaflubhafgabhaflhafl fl fl -
gm grawwwww grf grawf awfgm graw gm.
Hovoplodok - doplodovok - plovodokot - doplodokosh?
Splgraw fok fok splgrafhatchgabrlgabrl fok splfok!
Zgra kra gka fok!
Grof grawff gahf?
Gombl mbl bl -
blm plm,
blm plm,
blm plm,
blp


If anyone can come up with a reason that this is NOT shit I'd like to hear it.

[hr]

I may be a pretty sad case but I don't write jokes in base 13

[Nymphomanic]

Forgive me but I think 'If' by Rudyard Kipling has to be my least favourite. I just think it doesn't ring very true plus it directly contradicts Shakespeare and puts humanity on a pedestal which it is undoubtebly going to fall off. it may have a grandiose ring to it, but it personifies the 'stiff up a lip' attitude which permeated the old british empire and should be redundant in a modern open society.

I much prefer poets who, instead of celebrating strength and honour look at humanities weaknesses and recognise that our very beauty is in our mortality and fallability (Auden, Shakespeare, Yeats). I like poets who can tell us minor or major truths about ourselves and our condition through either beautiful prose, humour or pathos.

Humanity is imperfect and beautiful. That is why we have art, poetry, etc.

[hr]

I read most of the night and go south in winter - wasteland

[Nymphomanic]

Forgive me but I think 'If' by Rudyard Kipling has to be my least favourite. I just think it doesn't ring very true plus it directly contradicts Shakespeare and puts humanity on a pedestal which it is undoubtebly going to fall off. it may have a grandiose ring to it, but it personifies the 'stiff up a lip' attitude which permeated the old british empire and should be redundant in a modern open society.

I much prefer poets who, instead of celebrating strength and honour look at humanities weaknesses and recognise that our very beauty is in our mortality and fallability (Auden, Shakespeare, Yeats). I like poets who can tell us minor or major truths about ourselves and our condition through either beautiful prose, humour or pathos.

Humanity is imperfect and beautiful. That is why we have art, poetry, etc.

[hr]

I read most of the night and go south in winter - wasteland

[Thalia]

I always saw If as being quite aware of all the flaws of humankind but being about how you can rise above them if you're willing to try. It's about a way to try and live despite all the bad things that happen. It talks about liars and people who hate and those who twist your words, so i don't see it as putting mankind on a pedestal, only providing a height to aim for.

And i don't see how there's anything wrong with contradicting Shakespeare. It's all very well casting light on humanity's weaknesses but we can't overcome them unless we try. That is in no way a redundant concept. In our 'modern open society' we will still have to deal with the things mentioned in If and i find it strange that you think we don't.

And the phrase is "stiff upper lip"

Disclaimer: I study psychology not English so analysing poems is perhaps not the best skill i have

[hr]

You've been nothing but an angel every day of your life and now you wonder what it's like to be damned...

[Lyra]

I like If, although I try not to follow the advice in it too closely for fear of actually becoming a man.

[hr]

The Man With No Name - Danger fits him like a tight black glove

[sweet]

For me, the essence and strength of "If" is, you know what, life's bloody hard. And people can be bloody awful - hating you and twisting your words to take two instances Kipling mentions. This is why I don't believe the argument that If "goes against Shakepeare and idealises humanity", on the contrary, in fact.

Chin up? Well, yes, what's wrong with that? His words about not giving way to hate and picking up worn-out tools and starting again inspirational because they're true. Kipling does not assume all mankind can do this - after all, it's called "If" and this is a word which is repeated throughout : "If you can fill the unforgiving minute/ With sixty seconds' worth of distance run." Kipling does not idealise humanity in the least, he holds up as an ideal qualities such as sincerity, tenacity, understanding and sheer bloodyminded stamina. These might be old-fashioned I guess but in my humble they're just as relevant as they ever were. I guess you could detect a hint of imperialism in the line "Yours is the world and everything that's in it" but I don't think this is meant to be taken literally - if you have self-respect, you have it all. Kipling is fully aware of the "human condition," you're born, life's tough, you die, the "unforgiving minute." The genius of If is that it simultaneously acknowledges the quagmire of shit in which you are swimming, and throws a rope.

[Bonnie]

The Song of Hiawatha is in my head as a least favorite poem. But this is only because one of my English teachers hated it and told us so.

Goes toshow how much a teacher can influence her students.

[maenad]

The blackbird epics painted on the wall of a poetry-themed dorm at a hostel in Berlin. There were five or eight short poems, although the only one I remember went:

A man and a woman
Are one.
A man and a woman and a blackbird
Are one.

Can't remember the author.

[hr]

Tommy can you hear me?

[Captain_Spanky]

Quoting nymphomanic from 18:12, 13th Feb 2007
Forgive me but I think 'If' by Rudyard Kipling has to be my least favourite. I just think it doesn't ring very true plus it directly contradicts Shakespeare and puts humanity on a pedestal which it is undoubtebly going to fall off. it may have a grandiose ring to it, but it personifies the 'stiff up a lip' attitude which permeated the old british empire and should be redundant in a modern open society.

I much prefer poets who, instead of celebrating strength and honour look at humanities weaknesses and recognise that our very beauty is in our mortality and fallability (Auden, Shakespeare, Yeats). I like poets who can tell us minor or major truths about ourselves and our condition through either beautiful prose, humour or pathos.

Humanity is imperfect and beautiful. That is why we have art, poetry, etc.

[hr]

I read most of the night and go south in winter - wasteland

I thought this was meant to be the unpretentious thread.

[hr]

Beatrice - Darling. Dearest. Dead.

[Rufus]

Quoting nymphomanic from 18:12, 13th Feb 2007
it may have a grandiose ring to it, but it personifies the 'stiff up a lip' attitude which permeated the old british empire and should be redundant in a modern open society.

[hr]

I read most of the night and go south in winter - wasteland

What on earth do you think a 'modern open society' should consist of? Should we all drag ourselves along the pavement in soiled rags, smear our faces with dirt and wail with despair at the futility of it all?

Ridiculous!

[mhuzzell]

Pretty much anything by Shel Silverstien. If you can call that poetry. I'll admit I am quite fond of 'The Giving Tree'--but that is a children's book, not a poem.

Incidentally, I think this thread provides a much better opportunity for pretensiousness.

[angel_kohaku]

Quoting mhuzzell from 00:03, 14th Feb 2007
Incidentally, I think this thread provides a much better opportunity for pretensiousness.

Yeah it is "wank factor: high". You can be more pretentious in discussing craposity of a poem than the merits of it.

[hr]

I may be a pretty sad case but I don't write jokes in base 13

[little_baby_nothing]

I have to agree with the Seamus Heaney hatred, he bored me to death, but I also despise Sylvia Plath, but that might just be a personal hatred for her character that stopped me looking at her poetry properly......not that I'm bothered, she was a self-obsessed, selfish twat, can't stand her whiny wallowings (alliteration, hoho). So yeah, AH English was quite a disappointment for me. xXx

[hr]

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you I throw up.

[Insight]

Daffodils - hate it with the fiery passions of a thousands suns.

[hr]

Former SRC Member for Sexualities & Gender
Current Dumbfounded fool of Hospital-Land
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37101378

[David Bean]

First of all, I want to say that the Loch Ness Monster poem is the best Eddie Morgan I've ever read. It might be rather infantile, but I think that the punctuation, and idea that it's a song, make it faintly hilarious.

As far as 'If' is concerned, I never much enjoyed that poem, principally because I found the tone overly sanctimonious. However, I'd be interested to hear just what, exctly, it is about the stiff upper lip that riles Nymphomanic: it's been one of my guiding principles of life, and you don't seem to mind! Would you prefer it if everyone went around with their hearts pinned to their cuffs? Blow that for a game of soldiers. My emotions are my own, and I don't plan on sharing them with anyone but my closest confidantes.

Beauty in weakness, though. I'm down with that. But I also think poetry can be good, or even great, when it neither says nor implies anything beautiful about mankind at all - look at 80% of Philip Larkin's output, and I'd hardly call him a slouch. What I mean is, it's the diversity of poetry, as with all literature, that makes it worthwhile, so what's wrong (in principle, since I didn't think much to the execution) with a poem that takes a rather rosier view of the world? Or perhaps 'idealistic' is a better word - we don't condemn Shakespeare's sonnets for painting an idealised view of love, do we, so why condemn another poet who seeks to present us with idealised humanity?

Anyway, as to the original question, I hear Vogon poetry is pretty bad, but I can't think of much else for now.

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Psalm 91:7