The problem we all live with

[Ragamuffin_artist]

I was using a public toilet at a coffee shop the other day when somebody tried to open the door. As usual, I received that very brief adrenaline rush that usually accompanies this situation, and I earnestly hoped that the lock on the door wasn’t faulty. Indeed, the lock held fast. What happened next is something that I presume has happened to us all: the deterred patron proceeded to knock on the door. Indeed, the irrationality of this action left me momentarily speechless. Always one to give the benefit of the doubt, I attempted to think of some possible scenarios in which such an action might indeed be sensible. Alas, none came to mind. Therefore, I appeal to you, fellow sinners, to help me understand this perplexing riddle of human behavior. Based on the frequency of this occurrence, I suspect there is many a sinner who has at one time or another been the antagonist in this situation. To you, I submit the following question: after being deterred by the lock on the door, for what reason would one need to proceed to further verify the occupancy of the toilet with a polite knock? To the rest of you sinners, I submit a second question: what might be an appropriate response when this happens?

[La Jouissance]

Have you considered that the person may have been trying to engage you for a spot of mid-afternoon cottaging?

[Gubbins]

I believe this situation usually occurs when the person who is knocking is unsure whether the toilet is indeed occupied. My preferred response to this situation would probably be a polite, but questioning "Yes?" with the implication of "And you were wanting what, precisely?". This puts the ball back into their court, so to speak.

Let me tell you a long and rambling anecdote which has little bearing on the situation, but which it was my misfortune to witness recently. The following story takes place on the 21:48 service from Manchester. Picture the scene: the usual mix of late-working commuters, drunks and evening shoppers. In comes a Knuckle-Dragger and brood of three (aged between about 8 and 12). KD approaches toilet and, finding it locked, knocks. Receiving no response, KD knocks louder. Still no response.

KD, shaking door violently: "Open the fookin door, there's fooking kids needin ta fooking pee here!"
Several of us tell him that there's been no-one come in or out of said toilet since the train left, and it has obviously been locked by staff. KD is having none of it: "When 'e gets out of there, I'll fookin kill 'im".

KD goes off to pester train guard, who comes along and knocks on the door. Guard opens door and finds the reason it was locked. Piles of poo everywhere. Guard very sensibly goes somewhere else. Meanwhile KD starts muttering incomprehensible words, most of them being "fook", making him sound like a disgruntled hen. KD's brood then choose to take it in turns to peer into said toilet, adding a new and decidedly unwelcome fragrance to the carriage. None of them actually use the toilet in the end, unlike some of the other commuters, who are actually that desperate. KD gets off at Gorton, taking full-bladdered brood with him, and leaving us with an unpleasantly-aroma'ed toilet.

I wish there was a moral to this story, but there isn't. In short, Gorton is full of shit.

[Ragamuffin_artist]

I believe this situation usually occurs when the person who is knocking is unsure whether the toilet is indeed occupied. .

Indeed. But what I find puzzling is that there are not many possible outcomes in this situation. Either the door is locked because the toilet is occupied, or the door is locked because the toilet is out of commission (for example, there might be poo everywhere, as in your marvelously apropos example above). In either case, it is a lose-lose situation.

One thing is certain: based on your anecdote I suppose a response of some kind is warranted, lest one risk possibly being beaten up upon exiting.

[Gubbins]

Either the door is locked because the toilet is occupied, or the door is locked because the toilet is out of commission

I suppose by knocking, you can confirm someone is in there, thereby avoiding waiting around like a numpty for several minutes while you figure out that no-one is actually in there, hence depriving yourself of valuable time in which to find an alternate place of relief. I would, however, imagine it would be polite if one were to wait a minute or two before knocking.

[Ragamuffin_artist]

I suppose by knocking, you can confirm someone is in there, thereby avoiding waiting around like a numpty for several minutes while you figure out that no-one is actually in there, hence depriving yourself of valuable time in which to find an alternate place of relief.

You have a good point, Gubbins.

[LonelyPilgrim]

I can't say I noticed anything similar in the UK, but here in the US smaller establishments often require that a patron get a key from an employee to unlock the toilet. This is especially true of gas stations (garages), and is often not clearly signposted. So someone, upon encountering a locked toilet, may knock to determine if it is occupied or if they must go request a key.

I have also experienced the case where someone has knocked on a toilet I was in and then, upon my questioning them, explaining that they really really really needed to use the facilities and requesting that I 'hurry up in there.' I can honestly say that the prospect of delaying, but then exiting the toilet room into a hallway full of 'accident' is often sufficient to induce me to tighten my sphincter and surrender my place for a time - returning to finish when they have taken care of their urgency. I have heard/seen others not so accommodating and the resultant chaos.