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It's Time For A War... ON MASTURBATION

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It's Time For A War... ON MASTURBATION

Postby Prophet Tenebrae on Wed Aug 31, 2005 10:53 pm

http://www.truechristian.com/masturbation.html

Let's lock these fiends up!

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IMAGE:www.btinternet.com/~brother.war/white10-2.gif
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Re:

Postby flarewearer on Wed Aug 31, 2005 10:58 pm

USA! USA! USA! USA!
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Re:

Postby Duggeh on Wed Aug 31, 2005 11:00 pm

[b] AMEN BROTHER!
.


Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't Masturbate.


the 5% who are over 75, dead or lost their dicks in vietnam.

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IMAGE:www.macintyre42.plus.com/images/tubular100.jpg
Duggeh: Master Of Ceremonies
[hr]
[s]http://www.macintyre42.plus.com[/s]
[s]http://www.owenrudge.net/various/freshers.htm[/s]
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Re:

Postby the racing tortoise on Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:00 am

I was more amused by the line "but the point is that God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason".

that one had me in stiches. so monty python.

Edit: Ok the next part gets better, "3. Certain food. If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate."

Classic


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minesweeper times:
Beginner: 3
Intermediate: 34
Expert: 163

A wasted life.
eternally optimistic - against all evidence
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Re:

Postby ARTooD2 on Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:00 am

ALL candles, no matter what their shape, must be banned. They're scraping the bottom of the barrel for things to ban there I think....

[hr]

Many Bothans died to bring you this information...
King Sinner
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Re:

Postby ARTooD2 on Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:01 am

3. Certain food. If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate.


HAHAHAHA!

[hr]

Many Bothans died to bring you this information...
King Sinner
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Re:

Postby Canandrew on Thu Sep 01, 2005 3:58 am

I like the kid's section on the page. With it's colourful drawings and straight-talking messiah, it's quite endearing in a 'Buddy Christ' kind of way.
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Re:

Postby ARTooD2 on Thu Sep 01, 2005 4:02 am

Is this site a piss take because the sausage cucumber and carrot thing CANNOT be real...

[hr]

Many Bothans died to bring you this information...
King Sinner
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Re:

Postby mariposita on Thu Sep 01, 2005 6:10 am

If you have a wife like I do you should know there is a time of month where the woman spills blood in the night. What is this and what does it mean? Does it mean she is demon possessed or maybe she is having an orgasm. In all truth we all know women don't have orgasms. All women just lie on their backs and let you do your thing then you have a baby. Actually women hate sex and they usually cry during it as does my wife.


HAHAHA . . .yeah i bet she does cry . ..seriously, this site has to be a piss - take. it's completely insane.
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Re:

Postby Aureliano on Thu Sep 01, 2005 6:48 am

IMAGE:www.truechristian.com/img/realgraph.gif

As you can all see, there is a clear proportionate relationship between the rise in crime and that of masturbation.

Aahhhh... statistics.
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Re:

Postby Dave the Explosive Newt on Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:15 am

TRUE FACTS THAT ARE TRUE SINCE WE USED THE WORD TRUE WHICH MAKES THEM TRUE SINCE THEY ARE FACTS WHICH MEANS THEY ARE TRUE.
SUVs ~Emits air which makes trees and plants grow more plentifully. This ensures healthy people and a higher chance of being smart enough to become a Christian.
THE BIBLE ~Emits the Word of God which unites all people in the world and makes the world peaceful. There is no war or murders. This is why America is the #1 Christian nation on Earth with the lowest divorce rates, crime rates, suicides, wars, nuclear weapons, guns, gangs, drugs, prostitution and so forth. The more Christian a nation gets, the less of these things you see (ignore what the Liberal Media tells you)



What does the Bible say about abortion? How do we know the God is against abortion?

It's in the Bible.



[hr]

Will Watson. Medical Student. Cake Lover.
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Re:

Postby Gealle on Thu Sep 01, 2005 8:37 am

http://www.truechristian.com/kidzbabel.html

This just takes the fucking biscuit. This site's a great timewaster! :D
So someone asked me "What is it you do?". I thought about it for a minute. Then I thought about it a little more. All the while I probably looked like I was staring in to space, struggling for an answer. And I was. There was only one response I could really give.

"I make sure the shit stays off the fan."
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Re:

Postby Eliot Wilson on Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:03 am

I love "In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators." Well, yes, because they're human beings. Similarly, practically all politicians, clergymen, charity workers, doctors and nurses started out as Masturbators. Hang 'em high!

[hr]

Bill and Ted beat the Grim Reaper at Twister

Bill: "You played very well, Death, especially with your totally heavy Death robes."

Death: "Don't patronise me."
Bill and Ted beat the Grim Reaper at Twister

Bill: "You played very well, Death, especially with your totally heavy Death robes."

Death: "Don't patronise me."
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Re:

Postby Guest on Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:05 am

You made my day!
Guest
 

Re:

Postby Guest on Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:06 am

That site sounds as though it was written by fascists rather than Christians. As true Christians know that everyone has free will to make their own mistakes, turning society into a totalitarian regime takes peoples' God given right to free will away.
Guest
 

Re:

Postby echo on Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:07 am

Err
Its a joke sight, note the the earth is flat etc.
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Re:

Postby rob 'f*ck off' wine boy on Thu Sep 01, 2005 1:43 pm

Quoting echo from 13:01, 1st Sep 2005
Err
Its a joke sight, note the the earth is flat etc.


Ya think?!
Thought begets Heresy; Heresy begets retribution.
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Crisis Averted Guys!

Postby Prophet Tenebrae on Thu Sep 01, 2005 1:57 pm

SHIT! And there was all of us thinking it was real! Thank fuck someone pointed out it was a fake or our faces could have been really red!

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IMAGE:www.btinternet.com/~brother.war/white10-2.gif
Prophet Tenebrae
 

Re:

Postby WashingtonIrving on Thu Sep 01, 2005 2:52 pm

on a similar note, http://www.landoverbaptist.org/is awesome. Special kudos goes to them for the forum section, some great stuff in there.

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There's gotta be some way out of here, the joker said to the thief
"I said farewell honey, I'll see you Judgment Day"
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Re:

Postby bramble on Thu Sep 01, 2005 3:40 pm

Hehe those websites are hilarious...however i showed my sister them and it failed to raise even a laugh out of her. Makes me wonder...

*slopes off to sell sister and buy a better model*

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Ich will die Ruhe stören...
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