Tribute to Prince Philip...because he's a legend.

[Grandpa]

Here are some quotes I happened to stumble across on my trawls of the internet. I think the guy's so damn funny he should be given some award for it, so I'm making up the Grandpa Award for Politically incorrect Humour, just for him. You gotta love him...

"Where did you get that hat?" (1953)
To his wife the Queen, immediately after her coronation

"British women can't cook." (1966)

"The bastards murdered half my family.." (1967)
When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union

"What do you gargle with - pebbles?" (1969)
Said to Tom Jones after the The Royal Variety Performance.

"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed." (1981)
Said during the 1981 recession.

"You must be out of your minds.." (1982)
To Solomon Islanders, on being told that their population growth was 5% a year.

"You are a woman, aren't you?" (1984)
Said in Kenya, to a native woman who had presented him with a small gift.

"If you stay here much longer you'll all get slitty eyed." (1986)
Said to British students in China.

"If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine the Cantonese will eat it." (1986)
Said at a World Wildlife Fund meeting.

"Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species in the world." (1991)
Said in Thailand, after accepting a conservation award.

"You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly." (1993)
Said to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary.

"Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" (1994)
Said to an islander in the Cayman Islands.

"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" (1995)
Said to a driving instructor in Scotland.

"If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" (1996)
Said amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting.

"Bloody silly fool!" (1997)
Was referring to a Cambridge University car park attendant who failed to recognise him.

"You managed not to get eaten, then?" (1998)
Said to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea.

"It looks like it was put in by Indians." (1999)
Said after he saw a poorly constructed fusebox.

"Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf." (1999)
Said to young deaf people in Cardiff, referring to a school's steel band.

"Do you still throw spears at each other?" (2002)
To an Aboriginal man on Australia's Tjapukai Aboriginal Cultural Park.

"You were playing your instruments, weren't you? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats?" (2002)
Said to a children's band in Australia.

"Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" (2002)
Said to a blind woman with a guide dog.

"If you travel as much as we do you appreciate how much more comfortable aircraft have become. Unless you travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.." (2002)
Commenting during the Jubilee tour.

"The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism we could stop the congestion.." (2002)
Commenting on the London traffic debate, after mayor Ken Livingstone launched his plan to charge motorists £5 to enter the city.

"French cooking's all very well, but they can't do a decent English breakfast.." (2002)
Aboard the floating restaurant 'Il Punto' on the river Orwell in Ipswich, after thoroughly enjoying an excellent full English breakfast (Il Punto is owned by Frenchman Regis Crepy).

"It is surprising the way things have changed since I first became chancellor of a university 50 years ago." (2003)
Source: Opening a new reseach centre at the University of York.
The statement was widely misrepresented as referring to the University of York itself, rather than the University of Edinburgh, of which Prince Philip is Chancellor. (The York Chancellor at the time was Janet Baker, and the university was celebrating its fortieth anniversary.)

"It doesn't look like much work goes on at this University" (2005)
Overheard at Bristol University's BLADE (Bristol Laboratory for Advanced Dynamic Engineering) facility, which had been closed in order that he and the Queen could officially open it

"You look like you're ready for bed!"
Said to the President of Nigeria, who was dressed in traditional robes.

[hr]

We are gentlemen that neither in our hearts nor outward eyes envy the great nor shall the low despise.

[Paranoid]

"Your going to have to lose some weight before you get up there won't you?"

Said toa young child who had just announced their ambition to become an Astronaut

[hr]

..I've got this pain down all the diodes on my left side...

[flarewearer]

Quoting Grandpa from 22:45, 11th Apr 2006

"It looks like it was put in by Indians." (1999)
Said after he saw a poorly constructed fusebox.

My Dad met him, infact, it was at my Dad's factory where this infamous quip was made and my Dad was right behind him at the time (so too was a rather open-eared reporter). Thoroughly nice chap apparently and genuinely interested in what people have to say.

[hr]

[Lid]

Fucking legend. And you won't persuade me otherwise.

[hr]

We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires

[Thackary]

I think he's real.

[Rufus]

According to Humphrey's David Icke article, there is also a slight chance that he, along with the Queen, is a shape-shifting lizard.

[motorhead]

He does nothing, just like the rest of the bloody royals, absolutely nothing.

[Fully Collapsed]

Surely these quotes just show what an ignorant, sexist, and extraordinarily racist man he actually is.

The last time I checked these weren't desirable qualities to have. Then again i'm probably too politically correct aren't I?

[flarewearer]

Quoting motorhead from 12:09, 12th Apr 2006
He does nothing, just like the rest of the bloody royals, absolutely nothing.

Depending on what you classify as "nothing", he has a remarkably busy schedule. Both he and the Queen having more engagements than there are days in the year.

[hr]

[JM]

i dont think those quotes are something that he thinks up in advace, maybe he just speaks whats on his mind at the time- we cant all love everyone we meet. at least what he says is funny and not violent or entirely rude.

[hr]

"Life can be full of many problems"; this can be translated into "tormenting you is how the big man gets his jollies"

[motorhead]

Going on holiday on the back of the tax payers money abusing people on the back of tax payers money. When i said nothing i meant nothing of any use at all.

[motorhead]

Although prince Phillip i funny in a - i dont give a shit way

[Odysseus]

His post-Dunblane comments were a disgrace, could he not keep his ill-informed opinions to himself for that one occasion? His logic there is also pretty moronic; Cricket bats aren't designed to kill people, automatic firearms are.

[hr]

Walk into the bright lights of sorrow, oh drink a bit of wine and we both might go tommorow, my love...

[thebrookster]

although he has made a lot of comments that are dubious in their content, I do agree that most of them are extremely funny.

[exnihilo]

The taxpayer's expense angle is twaddle, as has been said a million times before. Any Head of State and their family costs a country money, a few of them bring a bit back in tourism, ours brings hundreds of millions. So drop that one.

As for Dunblane, I sort of agree with him. We live in an era of knee-jerk legislation. One nutter uses a gun to kill children, a tragedy we all agree, but the government's response is to ban them for the hundreds of thousands who didn't. We see it all the time, one schoolchild is killed and we ignore the many millions who go to school every day and are not. We have no perspective or sense of proportion.

I think his brand of "I'll say what I damn well think" ourspokenness is a breath of fresh air in a country where everyone is so ludicrously wound up about causing possible offence that they talk only in empty platitudes.

Gawd Bless 'Im!

(Oh, and he is a thoroughly bloody nice chap in person - but I've said that about others on here and been shot down by monkeys who've never met the people in question, so I expect no different now.)

[Guest]

Quoting exnihilo from 13:37, 12th Apr 2006
The taxpayer's expense angle is twaddle, as has been said a million times before. Any Head of State and their family costs a country money, a few of them bring a bit back in tourism, ours brings hundreds of millions. So drop that one.

As for Dunblane, I sort of agree with him. We live in an era of knee-jerk legislation. One nutter uses a gun to kill children, a tragedy we all agree, but the government's response is to ban them for the hundreds of thousands who didn't. We see it all the time, one schoolchild is killed and we ignore the many millions who go to school every day and are not. We have no perspective or sense of proportion.

indeed the bill in response banned particular types of gun from ownership in the uk except for a 3 week period for the commonwealth games in manchester. The british team had to practice abroad.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jh ... xhome.html

[Matt Badger]

Quoting motorhead from 12:39, 12th Apr 2006
Going on holiday on the back of the tax payers money abusing people on the back of tax payers money. When i said nothing i meant nothing of any use at all.

Are you just acting dumb to get a response?

The royals do invaluable work for Britain and a shit tonne of it too. Plus, because theyre born into their roles as figureheads of the state, they arent corrupt, as say a president would be.

[Jason Dunn]

Quoting Fully Collapsed from 12:19, 12th Apr 2006
Surely these quotes just show what an ignorant, sexist, and extraordinarily racist man he actually is.

Oh really!

I do hope that when I am as old as Prince Philip, that my out of date, yet harmless, turns of phrases do not cause me to be tarred with such poorly directed labels.

It is the spirit with which a remark was intended that counts; and not the pussy-footing around unPC words.

[Gubbins]

Quoting exnihilo from 13:37, 12th Apr 2006
[Basically everything that you said]

Thank you - you said it better than I ever could. I've often heard from people that he and his family are all charming individuals to know personally. Financially and socially they do our country a lot of good and it's good to see that at least one man can speak his mind these days. I'd like to think he has a somewhat perverse sense of humour and wonders over breakfast what trouble he can stir up that day.

[hr]

...but then again, that is only my opinion.

[Grandpa]

Quoting motorhead from 12:39, 12th Apr 2006
Going on holiday on the back of the tax payers money abusing people on the back of tax payers money. When i said nothing i meant nothing of any use at all.

I believe you are more ignorant than I first feared.

The Royal Family, in general, provides this country with far more use than any other stately family ever could. As has been said, it brings in hundreds of millions of pounds worth of tourist business - think about it for a moment: One tourist comes over to see Bucks Palace and...
- pays entrance fee
- will probably buy souvenirs
- not to mention buying postcards and stamps

furthermore, s/he...

- needs a place to stay
- needs to eat
- needs to travel (within Britain - let alone the cost of getting here)

And is most likely a member of a family.

Now, if we say the average tourist stays for one week - well, you do the maths. Then multiply that by the number of tourists every year that go to Bucks.

And there's more:

The US is quite simply Democracy Gone Wrong: wealthy lobbyists and corporate giveaways. American democracy, they say, fosters a greed of the positions of leadership, while our monarchs govern out of a sense of duty and heritage.

"Well may we say God save The Queen, because nothing will save the Govenor General." Gough Whitlam. 11 November 1975.

This country's constitution is unique in characther, having evolved from a long history, some of it turbulent, to give us a constitution that is able to evolve with the times - rather than being one written down and codified in one place it draws upon the only thing that can truly shape anyone or anything's existence: experience. It is part of this experience that on January 30, 1649 King Charles I of England, Scotland, and Ireland was executed. Why? To stop the absolutism that had become characterstic of monarchy. Now we enjoy a monarchy that is subject to the same laws and rules of everyday life as the rest of us. So although the monarch exercises very little power on a personal basis, she is still central to the political and jural system we enjoy. The Crown is the central authority under which the executive, legislature, judiciary, civil, military and religious services, not to mention other institutions, all operate. The Crown gives the final and binding approval, namely the Royal Assent, to legislation. In this green and pleasant land, our monarchy is our source of all state authority, and a necessary link for all the processes involved. Can you imagine authority of this kind, codified and written up in a full and final type - all the functions of a Head of State granted to a President? Imagine the corruption and backroom deals that would be done. This is most evident in the USA, where the president has enjoyed an ever increasingly powerful remit, almost since the office of President was instituted. America is overlooked by business. We are overlooked by a human, one essentially unaffected and impartial to the interests of the corporate bodies of the business world. She is our guarantee that Britain shall always be ruled fairly without the difficulies attributed to necessarily difficult ammendment processes.

Hereditary monarchy keeps politicians in their place as representatives of the greater populace: However well known, distinguished and prominent a Prime Minister may become, he is always subject to a higher personal authority - an authority with no personal interest/agenda in governance: an authority, it must be said, with only duty to fulfill. Furthermore, it is better to keep one family in such a position as experience may then be handed down from tutor to tutee and the valuable lessons leaned over ages then accumulated and passed on. If the family were changed, it would be increasingly hard to do this. At the risk of repeating myself: It is the Crown which is dutifully obliged, without personal interest or favour to anyone or any organisation.

I could say more, but will wait for the right time!

[hr]

We are gentlemen that neither in our hearts nor outward eyes envy the great nor shall the low despise.