Urinal Etiquete

[OhhMy]

I have been frustrated lately, at work and in public places that fellow members of my sex are not obeying the unwriten code of the Urinal. I therfore think I writen code is neccesary and I ask you to give me your coments.

1) Never choose a urinal directly next to some one else unless no other alternative urinal or toilet cubicle is available.

2) Never go to the centre unless there is no space at the edges or you cannot avoid standing directly next to some one else.

3) Do not talk to any one while urinating. Do not start a conversation with some one even if you know them. If you must acknowledge some one a polite nod will do.

4) If for some bazare reason your pubic hair is malting do not use a urinal as hair left on a urinal bowel is very unpleasn't.

5) Dispose of nothing except urine in a urinal. Chewing gum of cigarette ends do not make a urinal smell or look better.

I think that covers everything.

[Lid]

You forgot "stare straight ahead in a trancelike state", the only acceptable places to look are straight ahead, up or down. Never to the sides.

[hr]

We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires

[Mr Comedy]

In addition:

With a choice between two ends of a line of urinals, always choose the one furthest from the door.

[hr]

"I am in no way interested in immortality, but only in the taste of tea. " -Lu Tung

[Bizarre Atheist]

Also,

"Never deliberately show off. This includes cross-over shots, long-distance urinating and other forms of extreme pissing."



[hr]

http://www.race2paris.co.uk
http://standrews.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204763785

[niall]

Quoting ohhmy from 13:03, 23rd Aug 2006

1) Never choose a urinal directly next to some one else unless no other alternative urinal or toilet cubicle is available.

2) Never go to the centre unless there is no space at the edges or you cannot avoid standing directly next to some one else.

no no no!

the rule that covers that both those, is never stand at an even urinal, unless neccessary.

[hr]

do you have a tastyspoon?

http://www.tastyspoon.com/forum

[Dave the Explosive Newt]

Quoting Lid from 13:16, 23rd Aug 2006
You forgot "stare straight ahead in a trancelike state", the only acceptable places to look are straight ahead, up or down. Never to the sides.

[hr]

We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires

Yes. The axium "eyes front, no talking" has served me well. On the occasions when I have entered into a conversation at the urinal (under duress, I add), the most awkward thing is knowing how to break off the conversation when you're leaving the room and the other person is still pissing. Just don't do it!

Amusing Urinal Stories:
#1 - Not only did a man in a pub once flagrantly flout the no talking and eyes front rules (ironically enough, to tell me about a bloke who'd been talking to him while he'd been pissing), he then SLAPPED ME ON THE BACK whilst I was mid-stream. The cheek of it.

#2 - I was once stood adjacent to (not next to) the chairman of the British Medical Association, Sir Jim Johnson, at a BMA conference. Shockingly, he didn't wash his hands when he had finished.

[hr]

Mmmmmmm, cake.
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37102114

[Eskimo]

Assuming that the urinal closest to the entrance to the toilets would be considered number 1 surely the rule would be to always choose an even urinal. No-one should ever use the one closest to the door, even if it the only one available.

If we are now including stories, I once stood next to a bloke using one hand to control the flow so to speak and the other to brush his teeth.

(Editted for story)

[niall]

Quoting Eskimo from 16:08, 23rd Aug 2006
Assuming that the urinal closest to the entrance to the toilets would be considered number 1 surely the rule would be to always choose an even urinal. No-one should ever use the one closest to the door, even if it the only one available.

nah, cos if you take the even ones (and there are 5 urinals) then there are 3 spare, stand at an odd one and there are 2 spare.

[hr]

do you have a tastyspoon?

http://www.tastyspoon.com/forum

[Dave the Explosive Newt]

Unusual methods of using a urinal:

The Hitler
One arm controlling flow, the other elevated in a Nazi salute style to prop oneself up against the urinal wall.

The Prayer
Both hands flat against the wall, with the head resting on them (as if kneeling down to prayer, except standing upright). Flow control is left to chance.

[hr]

Mmmmmmm, cake.
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37102114

[Ragamuffin_artist]

Quoting Dave the Explosive Newt from 16:19, 23rd Aug 2006
Unusual methods of using a urinal:

The Hitler
One arm controlling flow, the other elevated in a Nazi salute style to prop oneself up against the urinal wall.

The Prayer
Both hands flat against the wall, with the head resting on them (as if kneeling down to prayer, except standing upright). Flow control is left to chance.

[hr]

Mmmmmmm, cake.
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37102114

The Upside-down St. Andrews Cross:

Both hands on the floor for balance, both feet proped against the wall.

[Humphrey]

This is a great thread btw

[hr]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/humphrey_clarke/

[Anon.]

When sober I only ever voluntarily use a urinal if there is no-one else in the whole place (even in a cubicle). It just feels too much like urinating in public.

With regard to washing hands: a bloke was once ranting to me about how he never did on principle, and how he felt very insulted when he saw signs telling him to do so, as it automatically presumed that he'd have a grotty cock, and he claimed his was always kept in pristine condition. I suppose one can see the argument, but I still get grossed out when people don't wash their hands.

[the racing tortoise]

Quoting Anon. from 17:41, 23rd Aug 2006
When sober I only ever voluntarily use a urinal if there is no-one else in the whole place (even in a cubicle). It just feels too much like urinating in public.

am I alone in haveing no problems in pissing in public, (I don't particularly like people watching, that would freak me out a little) and positively enjoying pissing in open areas with a view? ie. off the cliffs where you can see over st andrews (being careful of the wind direction).

[hr]

A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

[Dave the Explosive Newt]

Quoting ragamuffin_artist from 16:29, 23rd Aug 2006

The Upside-down St. Andrews Cross:

Both hands on the floor for balance, both feet proped against the wall.

I was talking about stuff I'd actually seen.
If you have actually seen that though, kudos.



As for pissing publically, I don't mind it that much - and surely rules such as eyes front exist for the very purpose of preserving privacy? Personally, I always assume people who bolt into a cubicle have something to hide.
Can't recall doing it off a cliff though.

[hr]

Mmmmmmm, cake.
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37102114

[Lindsay]

I assume you mean moulting?

If you don't then I guess all you'll need is a good yeast infection and some genital hops and you can make crotch ale!

Quoting ohhmy from 13:03, 23rd Aug 2006


4) If for some bazare reason your pubic hair is malting do not use a urinal as hair left on a urinal bowel is very unpleasn't.

[hr]

[Bizarre Atheist]

Quoting Lindsay from 19:56, 23rd Aug 2006
I assume you mean moulting?

If you don't then I guess all you'll need is a good yeast infection and some genital hops and you can make crotch ale!

Haaaaaaaaaahahahahaa

[hr]

http://www.race2paris.co.uk
http://standrews.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204763785

[exnihilo]

Another method, no longer in vogue thanks to the smoking ban was the pissing with one hand for control while smoking with the other. The older establishments have small, chest-height, ashtrays betwixt their urinals for this very purpose.

[Preacher's Kid]

As for pissing publically, I don't mind it that much - and surely rules such as eyes front exist for the very purpose of preserving privacy? Personally, I always assume people who bolt into a cubicle have something to hide.

What of pee-shyness? It's a hidden phenomenon of humiliating proportions. I speak as one member of those many thousands of reasonably endowed males who, for whatever reason, have the damndest time pissing it out in any kind of intimate WC company. Anybody up for counseling in ShySoc?

[grousefanatic]

What really gets on my nerves is signs up outside the ladies' bathroom, stating something like "Boys over 6 should use the gents'", but there is no such sign about young girls in the gentlemen's loos, even though most men use the urinal. It might not be comfy using urinals when the loos are packed, but a small girl tottering around watching you use the urinal is even worse.

[hr]

veni vidi nates calce concidi - i came, i saw, i kicked ass

[MrGreedy]

Funniest thread on here for a while! While we're on the subject, this game is a good way of checking your understanding of the rules (plus a couple of extra ones):
http://www.flasharcade.com/game.php?urinal&2