stuck

[yoink]

About a month ago, I met a lovely girl in a tutorial. We seemed to hit it off really well and exchanged a few facebook messages, etc. After a lecture, I asked if she wanted to go for coffee, but she had another class to go to. She sent me a message saying she'd like go out some other time, which was quite encouraging to me.

Over the next few weeks, I would text her and tell her what I was doing and she was welcome to join, etc. I tried not to be too persistent because I didn't want her to think I'm obsessed, but at the same time I wasn't just going to drop it because I genuinely thought something might come of it. And I would regret if I had just forgotten all about it after the second time, because her excuses sounded legitimate. Also, I can understand her not wanting to go to a party where she might not know anyone, because I wouldn't either.

I'll talk to her on the way out of a lecture, and it's all very friendly and everything, but it just never seems to work out.

Thing is, reading week is upon us, and nothing has happened. I texted her to ask her if she wanted to do anything before she went away tomorrow but I haven't got a reply and I can't help but think she's sick of me by now.

I just wanted to get to know her a bit better because she seemed so nice, but now I probably seem like some weirdo stalker even though all I ever wanted to do was have a proper conversation over a hot chocolate. And it's awkward, because I have six hours of class with her per week, so I'm bound to bump into her fairly often.

I'm not really sure what kind of advice I'm looking for, I just want to know if I should drop it (and in what matter), or if there's another approach I could take without seeming too persistent.

[ONeill]

My thoughts would be to drop it.

I used to offer most people I spoke to in lectures the chance to meet up afterwards for a few drinks and a bit conversation. (ps. anyone on here is welcome as well )Most of the people that took up the offer were the relaxed and easy to talk to people. I noticed that despite being able to talk to the shy/less confident people (evident from the fact they either sit alone in lectures or with a group but tend not to speak often), it's difficult to get them to open up in their free time.

From experience, I've noticed that those that don't want to take you up on the offer are likely to pass you off with a legitimate sounding excuse. That way they don't have to flat out decline the offer and in turn take the chance of offending you.

I think you have taken the best option in offering the girl the chance to join in with whatever you are doing. I've always preferred to say something along the lines of "If you want to come along and join in, then you're most welcome and the door will always be open, if you don't fancy it, then you know...I understand."
(That one comes from running a supporters group and reguarly trying to convince new members to join in events)

I think at the end of the day, you have put your cards on the table and it is down to her now.

Good luck...

[hr]

http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37108339

"Probably the best pirate I've ever seen..." - biogas on ONeill

[Frank]

I have to agree with ONeil here, if it's been this long I think the best idea is to drop it.

Of course, that doesn't mean you have to stop talking to her, but at least change her from the 'hopeful' list to a 'nah, there's nothing there unfortunately' list. Drop the texts and find another interesting person for coffeeing with.

If she hasn't replied, I'd guess she isn't interested. Of course, she might be, but it seems that pursuing down this path mightn't work well.

[hr]

"There is only ever one truth. Things are always black or white, there's no such thing as a shade of grey. If you think that something is a shade of grey it simply means that you don't fully understand the situation. The truth is narrow and the path of the pursuit of truth is similarly narrow."
Also, some years later:
"here we are arguing about a few uppity troublemakers with a bee in their bonnet and a conspiracy theory."

[munchingfoo]

One thing I would suggest is never arrange a first date by text message. Phoning is so much better for a number of reasons.

They have to reply (unless they don't answer/call back)

You can gauge whether they are making up an excuse on the spot (Although, remember that some women have this weird idea that they always have to say no the first time to keep you keen - weird eh?)

It also means that you are actually able to talk to each other under (slight) pressure, so you won't end up staring at the walls when you meet up.

[hr]

Tired Freudian references aside - your mother played my mighty skin flute like a surf crowned sea nymph trying to rouse Poseidon from his watery slumber!

[fat bastard]

as a wise man once told me -

You have two choices. You can continue as you are, second guessing everything she does, going insane reading signals that probably aren't even there and eventually having one of those awkward-as-sin tutorial scenarios where you both know the situation but neither of you are prepared to mention it, ever.... or you drink of a bottle of gin, go round to her house and shout "WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND"

There is no middle ground.

[sweet]

Good for you for giving it a go, but I'm afraid it looks from what you've written that this girl is unlikely be interested in you in that way. Don't be embarrassed at all, you asked her out for a coffee, totally normal. And if you leave it for a few months maybe she'll realise you aren't too intense and do just fancy a chat, so mebbe you could ask again later in the year.

Btw, my opinion backed by the latest research (true!) shows that making direct eye contact is v attractive; also, try to totally forget about any knicker-related desires and concentrate on listening to her and getting to know her; just be genuinely interested. With the mandatory eye contact. Best of luck!

[rob 'f*ck off' wine boy]

There is no way you can avoid Bad Things once you have been stuck. Just wait to respawn.

[ONeill]

Quoting sweet from 20:24, 10th Nov 2007
Don't be embarrassed at all, you asked her out for a coffee, totally normal.

Never be embarrassed. Easiest way to be open and honest with folks. If they want to be friends then objective achieved. If they would rather point and laugh, then forget about what they think and get on with things.

[hr]

http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37108339

"Probably the best pirate I've ever seen..." - biogas on ONeill

[Pacitti]

The best idea is just to keep talking to her but only in a friendly capactity. there are plenty more fish in the sea! also if she hasn't bothered to tell you whats goin on to your face then she probably isn't worth it, trust me i know this from recent goings on!

[yoink]

Thank you for your words of encouragement! I'm definitely going to stop texting/facebooking her, though I'll still be friendly in lectures and tutorials. As it is right now, I haven't done anything too weird that would make things really awkward. But I'll try to take the lessons from this and hopefully do better next time!

I'm quite proud of myself for being much more direct and tactful than I normally am with things like this. Hopefully my luck will turn around a little bit after reading week...

[rob 'f*ck off' wine boy]

Press A to respawn.

[munchingfoo]

And next time remember to close fast and melee.

[hr]

Tired Freudian references aside - your mother played my mighty skin flute like a surf crowned sea nymph trying to rouse Poseidon from his watery slumber!