best WebMail {Spam?}

[mcg23]

So, my webmail inbox fills with {Spam?} on a regular basis. I ran across some great ones today, so I thought I'd see what other hilarious webmail spam is out there.

funniest ones so far:

(this one shows Teddy Roosevelt in a whole new light)

Subject: Your measurement of success is by the INCH.

Body: Walk softly and carry a huge stick

---

Subject: Sprango

Body: welcom. hey spagetti dick, you can have a salami stick now.

---

[rob 'f*ck off' wine boy]

Yeah some of these are in fact quite epic.

Subject: I carry a bazooka in my pants, walking around.

Body: When unzipping means unleashing a monster... watch ladies ooh and aah with delight.

[Eliot Wilson]

I received the charming "Be king of the bedroom with your new sceptre" in my Hotmail junk box recently.

[hr]

Bill and Ted beat the Grim Reaper at Twister

Bill: "You played very well, Death, especially with your totally heavy Death robes."

Death: "Don't patronise me."

[Humphrey]

Yo Geylourd,

You'll wanna listen to this, Lauren told me on Friday that ur wife been not
satified about u recently. I can try to help you with that. Check out
www.tkdgtl.org/c8/ . I've been using them for a couple yrs now and nothing
but complements for them.

ugh the bottomless rocking chair. Later she displays physical inability
when she asks her son Robert about helping with some yard work, which . y
determined. When Fitzgerald was told poor boys don’t marry rich girls, he
would not be discouraged and kept struggling. Gatsby continuously tried to
win

See ya
Spofforth


[hr]

http://humphreyclarke.blogspot.com/
http://www.livejournal.com/users/humphrey_clarke/

[James Shield]

This is my favourite spam of all time - I found it in my SRC account when I took over from Ben Nicholson:

Goodday to you sir/mama,
I am Timothy by name.I am a student whom is willing to study more in your school.I have gone through the school profile and repitation i am highly impressed in the past records and the current.I here by which to enroll to make me a better person in the society.I will like to read from you soonest inother for me to get back with my qualifications and some
vital information about me.
Thanks.
Timothy

[JM]

"impress in the bedroom with your mighty rod of pleasure"...

"stand out from the fat crowd"....personally thought this was a bit harsh

[hr]

"Life can be full of many problems"; this can be translated into "tormenting you is how the big man gets his jollies"

[d_24]

Escaping Nigerian princes aside the best spam in recent times for me was from "Amethyst Grubbs" with the subject "Barracking Viakra?"

"Longwaters, the head undergaoler with the twisted back who claimed at tedious length to have a Not hardly, said Crabb. Were close now. See, the woods is thinning out. Were near the narrow her, and a sudden gust blew back her hood. She laughed, but a few yards ahead Lord Robert"


[hr]

Before Bauer...There Was House

[Euro]

I keep getting spam in my webmail, the latest is entitled "Wednesday memos for undergraduates". Who gives a fuck?

[Admin]

Most undergraduates actually.

I bet you're one of the people who then complains that you never get told what's going on. I bet you are.

[Euro]

Anything of relevance I'm told of via the student handbook and/or relevant materials on WebCT and handouts in class. And I've never complained once during my entire time here. Never complemented either. Just get the work done and do it well. I don't need to know about a pool tournament or participants needed for some obscure study. If I want these things I will go look for them, I don't need to be spoon-fed every week with the latest in irrelevant going ons.

[groovy]

I don't need to know about a pool tournament

Pool Soc's biannual George Downing cup is kicking off tonight, if there are any late entries let us know!

pool@st-and.ac.uk

p.s. it was us that put the pool tournament in the memo's.

[hr]

Remember now, there's a big difference between kneeling down and BENDING OVER!

[orudge]

Quoting rob 'f*ck off' wine boy from 15:45, 26th Feb 2008
Yeah some of these are in fact quite epic.

Subject: I carry a bazooka in my pants, walking around.

Body: When unzipping means unleashing a monster... watch ladies ooh and aah with delight.

Hmm, I have a variation of that in my spam box:

Subject: One inch just leads to another, and 9 inches leads to the ultimate women pleasuring machine.

Message: I carry a bazooka in my pants, walking around.

and another one:

Subject: Let all your wildest dreams come true, and all your sexual fantasies fulfilled.

Body: When I was your age, we had eight inch floppies.

(we only had 5.25" floppies in my childhood)

How on earth do they think people may want to buy anything from these sorts of e-mails? :/

[hr]

http://www.owenrudge.net/
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37103734

[mcg23]

haha i just got a variation of that one too... the old bazooka metaphor must be popular today

subject: Let all your wildest dreams come true, and all your sexual fantasies fulfilled.
message: I carry a bazooka in my pants, walking around.

they dont even have links to sell anything..theyre just funny. i dont get it!

Quoting orudge from 18:57, 26th Feb 2008

Quoting rob 'f*ck off' wine boy from 15:45, 26th Feb 2008
Yeah some of these are in fact quite epic.

Subject: I carry a bazooka in my pants, walking around.

Body: When unzipping means unleashing a monster... watch ladies ooh and aah with delight.

Hmm, I have a variation of that in my spam box:

Subject: One inch just leads to another, and 9 inches leads to the ultimate women pleasuring machine.

Message: I carry a bazooka in my pants, walking around.

and another one:

Subject: Let all your wildest dreams come true, and all your sexual fantasies fulfilled.

Body: When I was your age, we had eight inch floppies.

(we only had 5.25" floppies in my childhood)

How on earth do they think people may want to buy anything from these sorts of e-mails? :/

[hr]

http://www.owenrudge.net/
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37103734

[gmdl]

If your love warrior is too small, you may lose this war!

[JM]

New one i got this morning:

"She rode me in ecstacy over and over again during our wild love making session"

body: "Shannon said my new found size feels like a power drill inside of her...and she LOVES it"

must hurt a bit for poor shannon...

[hr]

"Life can be full of many problems"; this can be translated into "tormenting you is how the big man gets his jollies"

[trouble]

WANT TO ACT LIKE A PORNSTAR??? EASY- TAKE A BLUEPILL!!


and new in today...

Subject: Want to be called Macho?
Body: Agree to be sick! Noway!

(I don't know what that means)

[hr]

"Let's play master and servant."

http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37100566

[eagle]

A little bit of pain never hurt anybody

[Frank]

http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/242

{First time anal- girls love it}
http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/221

{Swiss Pharmacy}

http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/214

{An Email from God!}
http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/137

http://spamusement.com/

On of my favourite websites ever. Shame they don't update anymore.

[hr]

"There is only ever one truth. Things are always black or white, there's no such thing as a shade of grey. If you think that something is a shade of grey it simply means that you don't fully understand the situation. The truth is narrow and the path of the pursuit of truth is similarly narrow."
Also, some years later:
"here we are arguing about a few uppity troublemakers with a bee in their bonnet and a conspiracy theory."

[orudge]

Oh dear, I had to try very hard not to laugh out loud at several of the comics on that site!

[hr]

http://www.owenrudge.net/
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37103734

[schmod]

I use Google for my webmail.

It's been a few weeks since I've been properly spammed