sexual deprivation

[Euphoria]

First of all I am glad you called this morning though I was half alseep. I am also sorry we kept getting disconnected. Anyway, I read the email you sent even though you asked me to delete it. Geez you overreacted when writing that. I was more upset with the idea of you bringing this very personal issue to a public forum and the responses you have been given. The main problem you are dealing with is your lack of social interaction. Sitting alone in your room all night doing nothing but studying and reading is not good for you. You need to listen to me and get involved with a club or something so you can be around other people. Even if you go to it and not speak a word to anyone. Just being out and a public situation will help you. You cant keep hiding cause of your fears. For so long you have counted on me to be there as your best friend, confidant, and more. Now that we can't talk everyday you are experiencing loneliness, boredom and depression over recent events. I am sorry for everything that happened within the past coupe of months but it is time for you to break free and meet people. Sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself isnt healthy Spirit. It doesnt mean you have to go out and get drunk or laid it just means you are experiencing the need for companionship which you have not had while at St.Andrews. Anyway email me when you have the time and I will try to be around Saturday so we can talk for awhile.



[s]Unregisted User spirit wrote on 17:00, 3rd Mar 2003:
Can't you see this isn't my fault, that I'm trying to get past this problem the best I can without loosing my dignity and goodwill? Stop thinking things negatively and take this seriously, I did not wanted to share this with you because of fear of embarrassment and the way you are acting now I knew was going to happen. why do you keep doing this???

[euphoria]

Ok that comment was uncalled for. First of all Spirit is a great guy and I will probably never meet another man who will love me with the intensity and complete devotion Spirit did and still does show. His only downfall is his fear of social situations and shyness. Why we are no longer together is a personal issue, has nothing to do with this and we remain very very close. I wish I could be there for him as a companion but I can not. He is in St Andrews aiming for his degree and I am half a world away working on getting my own company started. Long distance just isn't the best way to go about any kind of relationship other than friendship which is tough at times also. What drew me to him is his honesty and his not lowering himself to the level most men I have met do to convince themselves they are truly a man. In my option masturbation and casual sex is nothing more than an act of selfishness and a display of ones lack of self control showing weakness. Yes some may call still being a virgin at 20ish weird but i think makes him more man to admit it and stick to his values set for himself. I applaud him for that. I wish I could say the same for myself (virginity) but being young at the time of losing it thinking that having sex was the only way to keep a man interested in you. Boy was I wrong. I think now how great a gift it would have been to give my future husband and how many creeps I would have avoided. And what the heck is wrong with being a little unique by setting values for yourself and not lowering yourself and becomming what other people think you should be or do. Which in my option is pretty damn boring. Seeing most of you advise him to go against his morals which he stated in the first post and beliefs absolutly disgusts me. His thread was just meant to find other people who may have been through or going through his same situation and have had the same feelings of loniness and desires. And yes wanting to be with someone intimently is a real biological desire but how we act upon those desires is a different story. Being socially shy and alone doesn't help the fact cause it only reminds you of how deeply you want companionship. Kinda like being bored and wanting to snack on chips (ie- companionship) but having nothing in the pantry (ie- close friends) and nothing else avalible to snack on(ie- casual aquaintences) seems to satisfy your desire for chips (ie-relationship, friendships, companions). It makes you think as if you are starving (ie- desires, depression) when in fact you are not starving you just have the munchies. (ie- you are just lonely) Now how each of us handles this is a different story. Either one can sit around letting this eat at him/her emotionally or he/she can go out and attempt to meet people or find an outside activity..
Being on your own can be a very scary thing and not having companionship in any form be it friend or relationship can be very difficult. Dealing with shyness of social situations does not help matters one bit and being told you are very weird when you are looking for advice from people doesnt help matters. It just makes you more withdrawn. When the people you meet are not willing to open the door to new friendships and blow off those who try. You know most people who move on to universities usually lose the cliche arrogance shown by school aged children and open themselves to meeting new people. Where has the maturity that should be learned during this time of growth gone? Yes time at university should be a fun time and lord knows most of us have done some crazy stuff in an attempt to break free from the child we were and become accepted as the adults we are and will continue to grow into. I am not saying to give up the craziness of university life just show a bit of compassion and maturity. Try not to be such arses all the time. St.Andrews isn't known for it's friendliness, though you claim to have open minds on many issues but to reach out to your fellow man hell no and that lack of that is apparent from what I have seen. Makes me wonder how much of an adult many of you really are though claim to be.

[s]Unregisted User hmmmmm wrote on 00:39, 4th Mar 2003:
Perhaps the reason behind you not having have a girlfriend is that you appear to be very weird, ....

[stan]

well thats all 6500 of us told.

[hr]if music be the food of life then radiohead be a spam sandwich.

[Greebo]

They're called paragraphs - try and use them.

Yes some may call still being a virgin at 20ish weird but i think makes him more man to admit it and stick to his values set for himself.
...
In my option masturbation and casual sex is nothing more than an act of selfishness and a display of ones lack of self control showing weakness.

No-one in their right mind would say there's anything wrong with being a virgin at 20 - those that do are usually twats.
Equally not everyone likes casual sex, people may prefer sex to be part of a loving relationship rather than a drunken one night stand.
But how anyone can group masturbation with either of the above is beyond me. If you want to deny yourself (or spirit hiself) that free pleasure then that's your decision - have fun. But spirit posted here asking for advice - and we all gave it in our honest opinions on what he should do. It's his choice whether or not to to follow that advice.

Frankly I'm sick of various religions controlling what their followers do. If spirit is so fucking miserable in the situation he's in - and can't do anything about it because of his beliefs, then he's in the wrong fucking religion. He says he ain't sadistic (he meant masochistic but anyway) yet he's determined to keep himself in this state of affairs of his own free will - that's masochism in my books. Masturbation is healthy (unless taken to extremes but for the most part it is) - sooner he accepts that, the better for him.

[Cola Cube]

In my option masturbation... is nothing more than an act of selfishness and a display of ones lack of self control showing weakness.

How on earth did you come to that conclusion?

[stan]

[s]Cola Cube wrote on 17:45, 4th Mar 2003:
[i]In my option masturbation... is nothing more than an act of selfishness and a display of ones lack of self control showing weakness.

How on earth did you come to that conclusion?
[/i]

the lack of self control may indicate she/he gets too carried away, as for weakness... perhaps no self discipline to stop. just a thought. as for selfishness, that perplexes me too, does this mean i have to allow others to join in or something? am i keeping all the fun to myself? rae, what you doing tonite?

[hr]
if music be the food of life then radiohead be a spam sandwich.

[Blessed Benediction]

i guess in response to euphoria:

some of the problem is that this is a very public forum & to epect everyone to be totally nice is a bit naive &/or delusional.

another part of the problem is that some folk on this board really want to help the bloke. it seems like many folk here think that he'd really help himself if he bent his (apparently crossed) morals slightly & relieved a bit of stress in a natural & acceptable manner (i won't spell it out).

i'll point out at this point that i do see where he's coming from. i can sympathise with how he's feeling to a fair degree. which does answer his question i guess. a thread like this was always going to start a long (if not mass... [joke]) debate.

again good luck to Mr Spirit. i hope he comes around sometime.

[hr]watches should have a smiley face on them as it's always time to be happy

[Anon.]

To sum up so far - this chap Spirit is as randy as the town bull, but can't get any because he's too shy. He doesn't like the idea of pleasuring himself (and Greebo's best efforts are not going to change his mind), or of paying for it, as he wants it to be something meaningful.

Goodness knows I'm no expert in this field, but I would assume to have "meaningful" sex, one would have to be in a pretty stable, loving relationship. And there's no way he's ever going to end up in a stable, loving relationship if the one reason he has for going into it is sex. So, he needs to forget about the whole sex thing, put it out of his mind, show some bally willpower for goodness' sake, and then get out there and meet people, just as friends. Once he's got over this whole panic-in-crowds thing, then he can progress to relationships.

He also needs to forget about this Euphoria person, with whom he is still besotted.

[spirit]

Everyone, LEAVE EUPHORIA ALONE!! She is more grown up and wiser than what you people will ever be it seems. I have known her for awhile and have grown so emotionally close to her, she is probably the kindest, caring, compassionate, understanding and appreciative person anyone can ever have. Please, show your respects to her.

As for this discussion over sexual matters and other controversial issues on this thread..CASE CLOSED!

finito

(to admin: if you are reading this thread delete it now!)

[Administrator]

[s]Unregisted User spirit wrote on 18:14, 4th Mar 2003:
(to admin: if you are reading this thread delete it now!)

Ummmm, No.

[Guest]

I'm outta here..please stop the threads and just move on to others.

[celia]

[s]RRankin wrote on 21:52, 3rd Mar 2003:
Spirit, this isn't a joke: You need to go masturbate. It'll change your perspective, and frankly almost everyone does it, of both sexes. Sorry this doesn't address the issues you have with it, but lets face it - lifes too short.


Good advice,...I agree! You must be the smartest man ever!! Not many guys actually realize any of this!

[Cola Cube]

[s]Unregisted User spirit wrote on 18:14, 4th Mar 2003:

She is more grown up and wiser than what you people will ever be it seems.

Okay, just because you're not an actual wanker doesn't mean you can generalise like that and not look like a wanker.

[Prophet Tenebrae]

Jeez, some people are always preaching. Ironically, some stats I looked at indicated that sexual violence occurs far more frequently in sexually repressed religious communities - shame god doesn't help you out with that one, eh?

[Anon.]

[s]Unregisted User spirit wrote on 18:14, 4th Mar 2003:
Everyone, LEAVE EUPHORIA ALONE!! She is more grown up and wiser than what you people will ever be it seems. I have known her for awhile and have grown so emotionally close to her, she is probably the kindest, caring, compassionate, understanding and appreciative person anyone can ever have. Please, show your respects to her.


As I just said: He needs to forget about this Euphoria person, with whom he is still besotted.

[Guest]

I know for myself I am a unique person and frankly what you people say about me does not bother me anymore. you can make jokes or take the piss regarding the sex thing or say whatever else you think might hit a laughing cord with your fellow brothers and sisters, but i will not stop being me for me and yes i will try and meet new people. hopefully when i start my career none would have to be like the narrow minded rude abnoxious arrogant friday-night-drunkards like the people from scotland. what a disappointment st andrews is.

and once again, hands off euphoria. she does not need your crap, and neither do i.

[Cola Cube]

like the narrow minded rude abnoxious arrogant friday-night-drunkards like the people from scotland. what a disappointment st andrews is.

What a disappointment you are. Most people have certain beliefs, but most of them can stand up for those beliefs without resorting to defensive name calling.

[stan]

out of poor bloody interest, and the fact i reckon we have another trixter on the go.

[Blessed Benediction]

if the unregistered user is mr Spirit then i wish he'd acknowledge the fact that people care about his situation & want only the best for him. then he goes & takes a backlash at everyone who's tried to help it seems. i worry about the guy as he seems rather troubled. i hope Spirit, you can find some peace & compassion. you're right not to care about what some folk think but it's not like everyone's against you (or Euphoria).

i think you could do yourself a favour by not antagonising people. try not to get cut up about things. be positive, be happy, be nice.

[hr]watches should have a smiley face on them as it's always time to be happy

[Prophet Tenebrae]

Am I the only one who has now gone from suspecting to knowing this is a windup?