What was the best joke you heard in 2006?
A woman and her baby get on a bus and the bus driver goes:
- "Bloody hell that is the ugliest baby I've ever seen, it's absolutely hideous, eughhhh!!!"
The woman sits down next to someone and says:
- "I'm absolutely furious, did you hear what that bus driver said to me? I can't believe it, I've never been so insulted in all my life!!"
- the guy replies, "really? that's terrible, listen, you go back over there and tell that man exactly what you think of him! Here, I'll hold your monkey."
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Best joke of 2006
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Best joke of 2006
by Cambabol on Tue Jan 02, 2007 2:59 pm
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Cambabol
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Re:
by Irish Frank on Tue Jan 02, 2007 5:20 pm
David Cameron.
Actually, from Peter Kay:
Q: What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
Actually, from Peter Kay:
Q: What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
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Irish Frank
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Re:
by Fozzy Bear on Tue Jan 02, 2007 7:04 pm
the Conservative party claiming that they now represent working class people and not the rich.[img]littleicons/laugh.gif[/img]
[hr]
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying." - Woody Allen
[hr]
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying." - Woody Allen
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Fozzy Bear
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Re:
by Ragamuffin on Wed Jan 03, 2007 12:07 am
This probably isn't the best I heard. But it is quite long.
A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee, who was Indian, doesn't speak English and cannot understand him.
He does, however, question whether Brahman is punishing him. Ducks cannot speak, therefore, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed.
The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayers and muttering in Hindi.
The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.
[hr]
We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here and we want them now!
A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee, who was Indian, doesn't speak English and cannot understand him.
He does, however, question whether Brahman is punishing him. Ducks cannot speak, therefore, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed.
The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayers and muttering in Hindi.
The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.
[hr]
We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here and we want them now!
We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here and we want them now!
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Ragamuffin
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Re:
by tg on Wed Jan 03, 2007 12:17 am
Quoting ragamuffin from 00:07, 3rd Jan 2007
This probably isn't the best I heard. But it is quite long.
A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee, who was Indian, doesn't speak English and cannot understand him.
He does, however, question whether Brahman is punishing him. Ducks cannot speak, therefore, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed.
The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayers and muttering in Hindi.
The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.
[hr]
We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here and we want them now!
that sounds very like a bill bailey joke. is it?
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tg
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Re:
by Jen the Phantom Hobbit of on Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:21 am
Name me three fish that begin and end in the letter 'k'...
Killer SharK
Kwicksave HaddocK
KilmarnocK (it's a plaice!)
It seems no one except me finds this joke funny - please prove me wrong!
[hr]
The voices in my head tell me I'm not insane ... but everyone else does.
Killer SharK
Kwicksave HaddocK
KilmarnocK (it's a plaice!)
It seems no one except me finds this joke funny - please prove me wrong!
[hr]
The voices in my head tell me I'm not insane ... but everyone else does.
Last edited by Jen the Phantom Hobbit of on Tue Dec 09, 2008 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Jen the Phantom Hobbit of
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Re:
by Gealle on Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:27 am
Christ... It's bad enough LIVING in Kilmarnock. That joke sucks.
[hr]
Funky flunky munky...
Quoting Jen the Phantom Hobbit of the Opera from 11:21, 3rd Jan 2007
Name me three fish that begin and end in the letter 'k'...
Killer SharK
Kwicksave HaddocK
KilmarnocK (it's a plaice!)
It seems no one except me finds this joke funny - please prove me wrong!
[hr]
The voices in my head tell me I'm not insane ... but everyone else does.
http://standrews.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37104196
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Funky flunky munky...
So someone asked me "What is it you do?". I thought about it for a minute. Then I thought about it a little more. All the while I probably looked like I was staring in to space, struggling for an answer. And I was. There was only one response I could really give.
"I make sure the shit stays off the fan."
"I make sure the shit stays off the fan."
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Gealle
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Re:
by Power Metal Dom on Wed Jan 03, 2007 12:03 pm
A bit risqué but I've seen worst on these here forums so here's my fave of 06:
This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your bumhole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one." A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have on of those?"
Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your bumhole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one." Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says "I just won $50,000"
Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?" The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your bumhole?" "Yes," Says grandpa. "Then go fuck yourself!"
[hr]
Like flames on fuel...upon power metal I drool
[l]
[/l]
This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your bumhole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one." A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have on of those?"
Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your bumhole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one." Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says "I just won $50,000"
Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?" The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your bumhole?" "Yes," Says grandpa. "Then go fuck yourself!"
[hr]
Like flames on fuel...upon power metal I drool
[l]
[/l]Aren't you all entitled to your half-arsed musings...You've thought about eternity for 25 minutes and think you've come to some interesting conclusions...My kind have harvested the souls of a million peasants and I couldn't give a ha'penny jizz for your internet assembled philosophy
- Power Metal Dom
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Re:
by Ragamuffin on Thu Jan 04, 2007 3:17 am
Quoting tg from 00:17, 3rd Jan 2007
that sounds very like a bill bailey joke. is it?
No idea, my brother told me it.. sorry!
[hr]
We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here and we want them now!
We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here and we want them now!
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Ragamuffin
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- Joined: Sat May 14, 2005 10:14 pm
Re:
by theshadowhost on Sat Jan 06, 2007 1:38 pm
what's the difference between the Ipswich killer and Mr Kipling?
Mr Kipling puts 6 tarts in a box!
Mr Kipling puts 6 tarts in a box!
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theshadowhost
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Re:
by Suzanne on Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:22 pm
A man walks into a fish shop with a large haddock under his arm. He asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any fishcakes?"
The shopkeeper replies, "No sorry we don't stock them!"
The man looks woefully down to his haddock and strokes its head, "that's a shame... its his birthday today".
The shopkeeper replies, "No sorry we don't stock them!"
The man looks woefully down to his haddock and strokes its head, "that's a shame... its his birthday today".
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Suzanne
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