Shag Buddies

[On the verge..]

So, the burning question...

Can it ever be 'No Strings'?

[underworlddreams]

If it's burning, you'd best get to a clinic...

[hr]They say that if you play a Windows Install CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That's nothing - play it forwards, and it installs Windows...

[Yemminie]

People think they want shag buddies, but what they really want are cuddle buddies.

[A.S.S.]

Hell yeh bay!!!!!!!!!

[benedict]

why not? shag buddies are probably a good thing. if that's what you want it then get it. if it's all for the common good then go for it. to me it seems like folk are too closed off even in today's society. in these times there is little to be ashamed of except if you've knowingly done something particularly cruel. life is for the living, so if genuine desires take hold then why not go with your instincts. too many folk waste time these days. try to make the most of each second you're given. really.

[Kibet]

I'm not too convinced on whether shag buddies or cuddle buddies would work. It is not like a one night stand but can be more problematic.
1) you both have to set out the ground rules specifically
2) who evers room you shag or cuddle in will have an upperhand unintentionally.
3) what happens when one does not want to shag/cuddle that night?
4) It could strengthen a friendship but could equally destroy a friendship.
5) What happens if an emotional attachment more than friendship is created by only one?
6) Think how lonely the other person will feel if one of them meets something else and is left abandoned.

there are many more problems created with it. Shag buddies seems too organised and takes spontanaeity out of sex. Cuddle buddies is a better idea but all the same problems exist.

I would like to think that being a cuddle buddy would be good but I would never do it. I think, for me, a friendship would die rather than become stronger, but thats just me though.

[Haunted]

I'd say its a good idea for the sort of people who take sex as a commodity and not a special thing or whatever. Or for those who believe that the whole monogamous thing is just old fashioned

[Cosmo's Moon]

The only way I can see this feasibly working is to scrap the 'buddies' and replace it with fuckers. Surely, if you're not particularly enamoured of the person, be it platonic or more, there is less scope for being hurt.

[Cosmo's Moon]

Ha. Just realised it's shag not fuck. So the above is essentially nonsensical. Ho hum.

[wandering]

[s]benedict wrote on 01:52, 19th Feb 2004:
why not? shag buddies are probably a good thing.

Hasn't it been proven that women are incapable of sex without developing deep emotions and feeling towrds the other person. That's why so many affairs end up messy and dragging on for ages and ages. Then there's also the old stigma of if a guy is wanting casual sex it's because he can't attract anyone who wants more. True or not it is what is often thought.

to me it seems like folk are too closed off even in today's society. in these times there is little to be ashamed of except if you've knowingly done something particularly cruel...too many folk waste time these days. try to make the most of each second you're given. really.

Many of the people who are "wasting time" would probably rather "waste" time than get a shag buddy. Somethings are far more important than a quick lay, and while others may not have the same morals or feelings or even standards in some cases, it doesn't mean that all those who are not having sex would jump at the chance for a shag with a random or even a friend. It's interesting how happiness in yourslef often plays a large role on your opinions of shag buddies. Those who are happy with themselves and their life tend to want to wait for a relationship rather than just sex, while those who are not so happy are always advising people to go for what they want - even when it isn't always what someone wants.

And then of course there are those who know that sex can be so much better than just a shag, when even for the non-religious it can be almost a spiritual bonding (no cheese intended, it's just waay to difficult to describe) amazing experience. Anyone who has experienced that knows what it means. Those who haven't do not even if they claim they do. People can do whatever they want as long as no pressure is put on by anyone else. I was actually shocked to find out that at uni people still use the line of "if you don't sleep with me, you don't love me". What is the world coming to. Monogamy also is not old fashioned, it is a choice that can be made, and many do so before ever having a partner. They are certainly not "wasting time". Each to their own.

[EviLTwiN]

if you've ever been in a relationship that was great you'd never want to have a shag buddy. Shag buddies are the sort of thing that people want in high school or before they realise how having a shag buddy makes sex more routine. They'll never then experience sex in a relationship as good as it can be. That's their problem.

Almost everyone i know who have had shag buddies were guys who hadn't been in a long term relationship yet.

There are obviously exceptions, but in general when people do have a good long term relationship and grow up the idea of a shag buddy just becomes pointless.
If you are someone who currently would like a shag buddy you probably have no idea what im talking about

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http://www.the-leaving.com

[Rapunzel]

First of all, to answer the burning question... no, I don't think shag buddies can ever be no strings.

"Hasn't it been proven that women are incapable of sex without developing deep emotions and feeling towrds the other person."

Who proved this? EVER?

"Those who are happy with themselves and their life tend to want to wait for a relationship rather than just sex, while those who are not so happy are always advising people to go for what they want - even when it isn't always what someone wants."

How bout someone who is genuinely happy with their life and loves being single but still has a sex drive? A shag buddy is far safer (and generally less embarassing - esp in a town like St As) than a lot of random one-night stands.

"if you've ever been in a relationship that was great you'd never want to have a shag buddy. Shag buddies are the sort of thing that people want in high school or before they realise how having a shag buddy makes sex more routine. They'll never then experience sex in a relationship as good as it can be. That's their problem."

This is just rubbish. I personally have been in a wonderful relationship. That ended, but my sex drive didn't go away. Sex is a physical thing, and if you try to make it not important, whether you're single OR in a "relationship that's great", you'll have problems.

My shag buddy and I also shared a wonderful relationship, with great friendship and great sex. But I don't think that it could ever be no strings, because eventually, as happened with us, one partner WILL develop feelings.

And in case it isn't clear enough, in my shag buddy relationship (which lasted a long time), I wasn't the one who developed feelings, it was the guy. I am the girl. And besides, "wandering"... what about gay shag buddies?

[Prophet Tenebrae]

In a perfect world it could be - but life isn't like that.

[wandering]

[s]Rapunzel wrote on 15:01, 19th Feb 2004:
And besides, "wandering"... what about gay shag buddies?


What about them? The rest of my post still applies. And yes it has been proven that women do get emotionally attached after sleeping with someone only once.

As for the rest I go with what eviltwin said. If you have been in a truly good relationship, truly in love etc, then you will shake your head at those with shag buddies. The sex is worthless compared to what you have had before. If you don't agree with that then the "truly good relationship, truly in love etc" obviusly doesn't/didn't apply.

People all have feelings -> someone will always get hurt.

[chittabeep]

...

[Rapunzel]

[/i]
If you have been in a truly good relationship, truly in love etc, then you will shake your head at those with shag buddies. The sex is worthless compared to what you have had before. If you don't agree with that then the "truly good relationship, truly in love etc" obviusly doesn't/didn't apply.

People all have feelings -> someone will always get hurt.
[/i]

I'm not denying that someone will always get hurt, just that that person will not necessarily be the woman. And don't you dare judge the quality of my past relationships based on your own mental set.

[u2sday]

Only in your dreams budy.
Girls will get all mushy on you and then you killed the clown.

[wandering - amused]

[s]Rapunzel wrote on 17:42, 19th Feb 2004:

I'm not denying that someone will always get hurt, just that that person will not necessarily be the woman. And don't you dare judge the quality of my past relationships based on your own mental set.
[/i]

Then perhaps you shouldn't write such odd things. The question was "can it ever be no strings". The answer is no as you agree so just why are you still looking for an argument? Oh and I never said that it would always be the woman who got hurt, just that women do develop emotional attachments after only one sexual encounter. Many men do as well, but not all. Eviltwin was right as well. Sex is nothing compared to when in a relationship. If I was thinking of wanting you to argue on I'd suggest you were just not doing it right! But I'm not so get wound up on your own time.

[EviLTwiN]

[s]Rapunzel wrote on 15:01, 19th Feb 2004:This is just rubbish. I personally have been in a wonderful relationship. That ended, but my sex drive didn't go away. Sex is a physical thing, and if you try to make it not important, whether you're single OR in a "relationship that's great", you'll have problems.


It's not about the sex drive going away, its about casual sex not being able to satisfy you if you had great sex in a relationship. And most people can have a strong sex drive and yet not have sex, and not be any worse for wear. I guess you could compare it to people who just can't got for a week without chocolate. Not having casual sex because its not as good, and so as to keep relationship sex good, is in no way going to cause you problems unless you have an extremely high sex drive caused by drug side-effects, or unless a lack of sex affects your confidence/makes you feel unloved.
Most people can go ages without sex. As long as you dont use it as a prop for something else most people wont have 'problems'.

Also, if sex outside a relationship is just as good then that doesnt say much for the sex in a relationship. And if the sex isnt as good outside a relationship then why do it, especially since it makes sex in a relationship not as good once you have had casual sex.



[hr]
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http://www.the-leaving.com

[Precious]

I'm with Kibet on this one, he made some good points. For me, i'd be too afraid of losing the friendship to want to throw it away for the sake of a shag. People can say all they like that "it wouldn't happen to them", but it could, and they should be prepared for that.

[hr]Teeth! Teeth, my preciousss, but we has only six!