What would YOU do?

[Manic23]

what would you do if you came face to face with a wild bear in the woods?

I'd kick it in the head or balls then run like fuck.

(This thread is a result of my ensuing madness as the result of writing the worst essay known to man. Someone please help me.)

[Plette]

I have happened upon bears a couple times on canoe trips in Canada. As soon as the bear saw us it turned tail and ran. To use an old cliche, they're a lot more afraid of you than you are of them.

[hr]Sola lingua bona est lingua morta.

[Rufus]

I would frantically jab my fingers in its eyes, impale it on the very sharp sword I just happened to be carrying, skin it with aforementioned sword to make into a rather delectable coat, then cut its grisly meat into bunny sized chunks and send it to the starving.

Sorry about the essay, I happen to be in the same hell, hence this somewhat disturbing haunting of the sinner...except mine has thirteen words at this cruel moment in time.

Best thing you can do is go to sleep and try to forget about it, it probably won't be as diabolical as you think.


[hr]Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so.

[Manic23]

[s]Rufus wrote on 22:43, 15th Apr 2004:
I would frantically jab my fingers in its eyes, impale it on the very sharp sword I just happened to be carrying, skin it with aforementioned sword to make into a rather delectable coat, then cut its grisly meat into bunny sized chunks and send it to the starving.

Sorry about the essay, I happen to be in the same hell, hence this somewhat disturbing haunting of the sinner...except mine has thirteen words at this cruel moment in time.

Best thing you can do is go to sleep and try to forget about it, it probably won't be as diabolical as you think.


[hr]Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so.



10 out of 10 for originality!!!

I am currently on 1000, and this looks like where its going to stay for a while. Pity, seeing as its due for tomorrow morning.

[Tim Bisley]

Beat it to death with a huge papier mache phallus a la Clockwork Orange inspiration.

[Manic23]

[s]Plette wrote on 22:41, 15th Apr 2004:
I have happened upon bears a couple times on canoe trips in Canada. As soon as the bear saw us it turned tail and ran. To use an old cliche, they're a lot more afraid of you than you are of them.

[hr]Sola lingua bona est lingua morta.



okay, what about a man eating lion?

[Rufus]

What a shame to waste the papier mache phallus!


[hr]Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so.

[David Bean]

I know a joke about a bear in a wood. Here goes:

A Conservative MP and a Labour MP were taking a stroll together through a wood, chatting idly, when they heard the sound of a bear, which had got their scent and decided to go after them.

The Conservative MP panicked, crying "God, man, we're done for!". The Labour MP, however, was undeterred: he opened his backpack and pulled out a pair of running shoes, and began to put them on.

The Conservative MP was not a little puzzled: "What are you doing?", he asked; "How the devil do you expect to outrun a bear?"

The Labour MP smiled craftily, and replied: "I don't have to outrun the bear, old chap. The only thing I have to outrun is you!"

[hr]"And all the people rejoiced, and said: 'God save the King! Long live the King! ...May the King live forever!'" - Handel, 'Zadok the Priest'

[ka25]

shit myself probably

[hr]save a tree, eat a beaver

[oddly familiar]

I often wondered... well, maybe I should clarify that a little: SOMETIMES ON DAYS WHEN I WAS REALLY REALLY BORED I wondered if martial arts would work on wild animals. Would they? I mean if Bruce or Jet Li were in the serengeti and a big lion (or a big hungry bear) came along and attacked them, would he be able to kick its ass?

As a biologist I should really know better than to ask this question - the answer is 'no probably not cos the lion is one hell of a lot stronger', but it would make a cool scene in a movie.

A bit like that bit in gladiator where russel crowe fends off a rearing, attacking tiger with one arem, cos as we all know its possible to hold up about 700lbs worth of snarling tiger with one arm, isnt it.

[hr]Its alright to say things can only get better,
But you havent lost your brand new sweater.
Pure new wool and perfect stitches,
Not the kind of jumper that makes you itches, oh no.

[Manic23]

I think if you're angry enough you could, if you karate chopped it in the windpipe or stamped on its legs. But definitely poking the bastard in the eyes is going to hurt it, if not enrage it evn further. I say a good shot in the pills would to the trick anytime. Right in the Gonads, then peg it up a tree.

I do love these discussions

[LeopardSkinQueen]

[s]oddly familiar wrote on 23:59, 15th Apr 2004:
I often wondered... well, maybe I should clarify that a little: SOMETIMES ON DAYS WHEN I WAS REALLY REALLY BORED I wondered if martial arts would work on wild animals. Would they? I mean if Bruce or Jet Li were in the serengeti and a big lion (or a big hungry bear) came along and attacked them, would he be able to kick its ass?



Have you seen Kung Pow:Fists of Fury? It has a scene you may appreciate...

[hr]
[s]Log Lady: I heard you speaking about Laura Palmer?
Dale Cooper: Yes?
Log Lady: One day my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night.
Dale Cooper: Really. What did it see?
Log Lady: Ask it.
[Cooper hesitates]
Log Lady: I thought so. (walks away)
[/s]

[oddly familiar]

Have you seen Kung Pow:Fists of Fury? It has a scene you may appreciate...



Hmmmmmm. Nice. I shall peruse such things when I'm done with all this damn work.

so we've mentioned "lions and tigers and bears (OH MY!)" just like in wizard of oz. Cool.

[hr]
Its alright to say things can only get better,
But you havent lost your brand new sweater.
Pure new wool and perfect stitches,
Not the kind of jumper that makes you itches, oh no.

[Manic23]

[s]LeopardSkinQueen wrote on 00:12, 16th Apr 2004:


Have you seen Kung Pow:Fists of Fury? It has a scene you may appreciate...

[hr]
[s][i]Log Lady: I heard you speaking about Laura Palmer?
Dale Cooper: Yes?
Log Lady: One day my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night.
Dale Cooper: Really. What did it see?
Log Lady: Ask it.
[Cooper hesitates]
Log Lady: I thought so. (walks away)
[/s]
[/i]


is that the bit where the guy kicks the shit out of the cow? Thats quite funny!

[David Bean]

What about that John West advert, where some fellow does martial arts on a bear to mug it of a salmon? Hillarious!

[hr]"And all the people rejoiced, and said: 'God save the King! Long live the King! ...May the King live forever!'" - Handel, 'Zadok the Priest'

[Sleigh]

[s]oddly familiar wrote on 23:59, 15th Apr 2004:
I often wondered... well, maybe I should clarify that a little: SOMETIMES ON DAYS WHEN I WAS REALLY REALLY BORED I wondered if martial arts would work on wild animals. Would they? I mean if Bruce or Jet Li were in the serengeti and a big lion (or a big hungry bear) came along and attacked them, would he be able to kick its ass?

As a biologist I should really know better than to ask this question - the answer is 'no probably not cos the lion is one hell of a lot stronger', but it would make a cool scene in a movie.

I thought some martial arts used the opponents strength against them.

[hr]
When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading.

[Marco Biagi]

Well obviously martial arts would work on animals - we've seen the proof of them working on demons in Buffy, and you can't say that every single detail of that programme isn't real.


[hr]"our very own Slobodan Milosevic"
- Saint Sal, first generation Sinner, 2001.
http://www.marcobiagi.com
http://www.billionairesforbushorkerry.org

[cantbearsedsigningin]

[s]Manic23 wrote on 00:03, 16th Apr 2004:
I say a good shot in the pills would to the trick anytime. Right in the Gonads, then peg it up a tree.




that just made me laugh out loud

i would distract and confuse the bear/lion with a complicated morris dancing routine, before fashioning a small yacht out of a nearby tree and sailing to a safe distance. then i'd hire someone to go kick it in the sac just to see what happened while i watch from the safety of my luxury sailing vessel.

[tramp]

I saw something on TV the other day which said if you stand firm enough and stock still a lion will back down. (?) however, if it is about to bite you, you should put your hand IN its mouth and towards the back of the throat to induce the gagging reflex. Hmmmmm...