[s]underworlddreams wrote on 12:27, 8th Apr 2003:
-Why did the girl fall off the swing?
-Because she had no arms
I have to say, when I brought that joke with me to St Andrews, I really didn't expect it to spread to the point that people I don't know would recite it on message boards.
Also, traditionally, it's "why did the little girl fall..."
[hr][s]"Don't take any wooden nickels when you sell your soul."[/s]
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Re:
by The_Farwall on Wed Apr 09, 2003 6:17 pm
[s]Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.[/s]
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The_Farwall
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Re:
by munchingfoo on Fri Apr 11, 2003 4:02 pm
I hardly think you 'brought' this joke to st andrews. Although people think they bring jokes to places or people it's usually just their friends who have not heard the joke. Some jokes sound new, but there's always someone somewhere who has heard it before. This is especially true with the advent of he internet where all the bad jokes in the world are available. That is why it is very unlikely that someone who doesn't know you heard the joke along a line that stemed from you.
Hate to ruin your limelight but life sucks
[s]The_Farwall wrote on 19:17, 9th Apr 2003:
[s]underworlddreams wrote on 12:27, 8th Apr 2003:[i]
-Why did the girl fall off the swing?
-Because she had no arms
I have to say, when I brought that joke with me to St Andrews, I really didn't expect it to spread to the point that people I don't know would recite it on message boards.
Also, traditionally, it's "why did the little girl fall..."
[hr][s]"Don't take any wooden nickels when you sell your soul."[/s]
[/i]
[hr]
Management: The art of writing like you know what you're talking about and making others believe it.
(munchingfoo comprehensive dictionary)
Hate to ruin your limelight but life sucks
[s]The_Farwall wrote on 19:17, 9th Apr 2003:
[s]underworlddreams wrote on 12:27, 8th Apr 2003:[i]
-Why did the girl fall off the swing?
-Because she had no arms
I have to say, when I brought that joke with me to St Andrews, I really didn't expect it to spread to the point that people I don't know would recite it on message boards.
Also, traditionally, it's "why did the little girl fall..."
[hr][s]"Don't take any wooden nickels when you sell your soul."[/s]
[/i]
[hr]
Management: The art of writing like you know what you're talking about and making others believe it.
(munchingfoo comprehensive dictionary)
I'm not a large water-dwelling mammal Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis? Did Steve
- munchingfoo
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Re:
by The_Farwall on Fri Apr 11, 2003 4:12 pm
Where did people hear it then? 'Cause when I was about 14, one of my school friends 'made it up'. I've been telling it ever since and haven't come across anyone who remembered hearing it before yet.
I mean, I'd be easily proved wrong if someone could categorically say they heard it before coming to Uni, but I've spent the last 7 years thinking it was an original.
[hr][s]"Don't take any wooden nickels when you sell your soul."[/s]
I mean, I'd be easily proved wrong if someone could categorically say they heard it before coming to Uni, but I've spent the last 7 years thinking it was an original.
[hr][s]"Don't take any wooden nickels when you sell your soul."[/s]
[s]Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.[/s]
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The_Farwall
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Re:
by The_Farwall on Sat Apr 12, 2003 10:25 am
I'm all disillusioned now. Childhood friends lied to me. Cunts.
[hr][s]"you complain about an overflowing cup.
don't forget that i'm the one who filled that fucker up."[/s]
[hr][s]"you complain about an overflowing cup.
don't forget that i'm the one who filled that fucker up."[/s]
[s]Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.[/s]
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The_Farwall
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Re:
by Al on Sat Apr 12, 2003 10:49 am
It is possible that different people may have individually coined the same joke.
[hr]"Stupidity is the devil. Look in the eye of a chicken and you'll know. It's the most horrifying, cannibalistic, and nightmarish creature in this world."
[hr]"Stupidity is the devil. Look in the eye of a chicken and you'll know. It's the most horrifying, cannibalistic, and nightmarish creature in this world."
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Al
- Posts: 3992
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Re:
by Portly Steve on Sun Apr 13, 2003 10:37 am
[s]Al wrote on 11:49, 12th Apr 2003:
It is possible that different people may have individually coined the same joke.
[hr][i]"Stupidity is the devil. Look in the eye of a chicken and you'll know. It's the most horrifying, cannibalistic, and nightmarish creature in this world."
[/i]
Convergance observed in humour? My word, next you'll be telling me the fast show was created in seven days
It is possible that different people may have individually coined the same joke.
[hr][i]"Stupidity is the devil. Look in the eye of a chicken and you'll know. It's the most horrifying, cannibalistic, and nightmarish creature in this world."
[/i]
Convergance observed in humour? My word, next you'll be telling me the fast show was created in seven days
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Portly Steve
Re:
by Portly Steve on Sun May 18, 2003 5:16 pm
[s]Ian wrote on 19:59, 17th May 2003:
A pedophile and a young boy are walking into the woods. It's nighttime, cold, the wind is howling... the boy turns to the pedophile and says "I'm scared!", the pedophile exclaims "You're scared?! I've gotta go back home by myself!".
Ahh yes, the familiar taste of the bottom of the barrel, that sickly sweet tang, how I missed you.
A pedophile and a young boy are walking into the woods. It's nighttime, cold, the wind is howling... the boy turns to the pedophile and says "I'm scared!", the pedophile exclaims "You're scared?! I've gotta go back home by myself!".
Ahh yes, the familiar taste of the bottom of the barrel, that sickly sweet tang, how I missed you.
-
Portly Steve
Re:
by Sebastian on Sun May 02, 2004 5:29 pm
how many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?
none. punks only talk about change.
how many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?
also none. they just wait for the light bulb to burn out and then follow it around for 20 years.
One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.
Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."
Q. What's the difference between facial acne and Michael Jackson?
A. Facial acne doesn't come on your face till your at least 13.
Q.What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
A.Christopher Walken.
none. punks only talk about change.
how many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?
also none. they just wait for the light bulb to burn out and then follow it around for 20 years.
One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.
Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."
Q. What's the difference between facial acne and Michael Jackson?
A. Facial acne doesn't come on your face till your at least 13.
Q.What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
A.Christopher Walken.
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Sebastian
Re:
by Starla on Wed May 05, 2004 9:37 am
Courtesy of Lindsay, master of bad jokes:
What do you call a short person on the Parisian underground?
A metronome.
[hr]"We all live in our Fantasy and only endure our Reality..." - R.A.Wilson
What do you call a short person on the Parisian underground?
A metronome.
[hr]"We all live in our Fantasy and only endure our Reality..." - R.A.Wilson
"We all live in our Fantasy and only endure our Reality..." - R.A.Wilson
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Starla
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Re:
by Rectalprobe on Wed May 05, 2004 5:10 pm
Ok i know that theyr three long jokes but6 theyr worth it.
One evening a husband and wife are sitting at home, waiting for dinner guests to arrive. After putting the casserole in the oven the wife turns and screams, ‘I’ve forgotten the nibbles! We can’t have a party without nibbles! Go down into the garden and fetch some snails. I’ll boil them up and serve them with a little garlic butter and lemon.’ The husband sets off to the end of the garden with a bucket and starts hunting for the snails. No sooner has he started when a beautiful woman leans over the fence and casually asks him if he wants to pop over to her place for a quick drink. The husband thinks that a quick snifter before dinner can’t hurt, so he climbs over the fence and goes in. After downing a martini, the woman grabs the man and begins kissing him. One thing leads to another and soon the pair are hard at it in bed. So hard, in fact, that the husband falls asleep for a couple of hours. Waking up in a panic, he grabs all his clothes and his bucket of snails, jumps back over the fence and hurtles into his own kitchen where his wife has nodded off. He trips up as he enters through the door and spills his bucket of snails over the lino and wakes her. ‘Where the hell have you been?’ she screams. The husband looks up at his livid wife, looks down at the scattered snails on the floor and shouts,‘Come on lads, we’re nearly there!’
A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband she has only 18 hours to live. ‘That's terrible!’ cries her husband, ‘What would you like to do during your last hours? I'll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.’ ‘Well,’ she said, ‘First, I want to take a long romantic walk, then have a quiet dinner at my favourite restaurant. But ultimately, I want to go to bed with you and make passionate love all night long.’ ‘Gee, honey,’ says her husband, shaking his head ‘I don't know about that “all night long” stuff. After all, I've got to get up in the morning.’
Three men reach the final round of tests to join the SAS, and are called together to speak with the interviewer. ‘Do you love your wife?’ says the officer. ‘Sir, yes I do, sir,’ say the recruits in unison. ‘And do you love your country?’ ‘Sir, yes sir,’ say the men. ‘But what do you love more, your wife or your country?’ The recruits do not hesitate: ‘Sir, my country, sir.’ The interviewer stares at them: ‘We want you to prove this. Your wives are sitting in separate rooms nearby – take this gun and go and kill your loved one.’ The first man gulps and stares at the gun for a few minutes. ‘I can't do it,’ he says, and leaves. Turning white, the second man goes into the room, and all is silent for about five minutes. Soon the door opens and the man, sweaty with his tie loosened, puts down the unfired gun and leaves. The final interviewee looks long and hard and the revolver, then slowly paces into the adjoining room. After a brief silence, the interviewer hears the sound of a gunshot. There’s a brief pause, then an almighty crashing sound and a woman’s scream. Grinning and breathless, the final recruit emerges from the room and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks up at him and says ‘What the hell happened?’ ‘The gun you gave me was filled with blanks,’ says the man, breathing heavily. ‘So I had to beat her to death with the chair.’
One evening a husband and wife are sitting at home, waiting for dinner guests to arrive. After putting the casserole in the oven the wife turns and screams, ‘I’ve forgotten the nibbles! We can’t have a party without nibbles! Go down into the garden and fetch some snails. I’ll boil them up and serve them with a little garlic butter and lemon.’ The husband sets off to the end of the garden with a bucket and starts hunting for the snails. No sooner has he started when a beautiful woman leans over the fence and casually asks him if he wants to pop over to her place for a quick drink. The husband thinks that a quick snifter before dinner can’t hurt, so he climbs over the fence and goes in. After downing a martini, the woman grabs the man and begins kissing him. One thing leads to another and soon the pair are hard at it in bed. So hard, in fact, that the husband falls asleep for a couple of hours. Waking up in a panic, he grabs all his clothes and his bucket of snails, jumps back over the fence and hurtles into his own kitchen where his wife has nodded off. He trips up as he enters through the door and spills his bucket of snails over the lino and wakes her. ‘Where the hell have you been?’ she screams. The husband looks up at his livid wife, looks down at the scattered snails on the floor and shouts,‘Come on lads, we’re nearly there!’
A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband she has only 18 hours to live. ‘That's terrible!’ cries her husband, ‘What would you like to do during your last hours? I'll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.’ ‘Well,’ she said, ‘First, I want to take a long romantic walk, then have a quiet dinner at my favourite restaurant. But ultimately, I want to go to bed with you and make passionate love all night long.’ ‘Gee, honey,’ says her husband, shaking his head ‘I don't know about that “all night long” stuff. After all, I've got to get up in the morning.’
Three men reach the final round of tests to join the SAS, and are called together to speak with the interviewer. ‘Do you love your wife?’ says the officer. ‘Sir, yes I do, sir,’ say the recruits in unison. ‘And do you love your country?’ ‘Sir, yes sir,’ say the men. ‘But what do you love more, your wife or your country?’ The recruits do not hesitate: ‘Sir, my country, sir.’ The interviewer stares at them: ‘We want you to prove this. Your wives are sitting in separate rooms nearby – take this gun and go and kill your loved one.’ The first man gulps and stares at the gun for a few minutes. ‘I can't do it,’ he says, and leaves. Turning white, the second man goes into the room, and all is silent for about five minutes. Soon the door opens and the man, sweaty with his tie loosened, puts down the unfired gun and leaves. The final interviewee looks long and hard and the revolver, then slowly paces into the adjoining room. After a brief silence, the interviewer hears the sound of a gunshot. There’s a brief pause, then an almighty crashing sound and a woman’s scream. Grinning and breathless, the final recruit emerges from the room and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks up at him and says ‘What the hell happened?’ ‘The gun you gave me was filled with blanks,’ says the man, breathing heavily. ‘So I had to beat her to death with the chair.’
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Rectalprobe
- Posts: 341
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Re:
by Dangermouse on Mon May 10, 2004 10:48 am
Right. I couldn't be bothered reading the whole board so I apologise if this has already been posted. It's the best bad joke ever, without exception. Ever. EVER!
Why ere there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all.
Heh heh heh.
Emma
Why ere there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all.
Heh heh heh.
Emma
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Dangermouse
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